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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

264 replies

LaurenOX · 19/12/2024 10:59

Gave birth to our second son 4 weeks ago via c section. First son has just turned 4. Husband is back in work (wfh 1 day a week).

Last night husband took off on me for the house being “untidy”. To give context, husband hates clutter and his definition of untidy is things being left around the house (shoes by the door, parcels being left on the island, a chopping board in the sink and eldest son’s toys left out). Despite the clutter, the bathrooms had been cleaned and the floors hoovered/mopped and a duster had been thrown around. A wash load had been dried and put away with another wash just finished. I explained that the only time I had to do any housework was 2 hours in the afternoon due to taking my son to a play group he attends weekly and having to get the bus due to not being able to drive. Husband still accused me of not doing enough around the house.

I am EBF and son feeds every 2-3 hours all day/night. Of an evening he cluster feeds from about 8 until 12. Husband has been sleeping in with my eldest son who can still wake in the night but certainly not to the extent of our newborn. He may wake 1 or 2 times and will fall straight back asleep after some reassurance. Husband has taken on responsibilities for eldest son, he does bath time of an evening and gets him ready of a morning for pre-school (jobs which I used to do before baby’s arrival) I told my husband I appreciate he is doing more, but I am exhausted I have a baby on my boob constantly and he is being unreasonable to expect any more from me this early on. He suggested that I’m never too exhausted to do any of the fun things (I went the Christmas market with my son and my friend and her son one afternoon this week). We went to bed on an argument and this morning the last thing he said before leaving for work was “have a productive day”.

So question is, is he being an inconsiderate A* AIBU to think he is being wholly unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mnetcurious · 19/12/2024 11:00

You’re so far from unreasonable, I’m raging on your behalf!

AnyoneSomeone · 19/12/2024 11:03

He's being a twat.

booisbooming · 19/12/2024 11:04

What the hell did I just read? Awful abusive shitbag.

Carrotandparsnip · 19/12/2024 11:05

abusive shitbag are the key words here.

Eviolle · 19/12/2024 11:05

Ha! He should come to our house. My DH does long work days and on those days he comes back and the house looks like a bombs gone off because I am also EBF and managing a toddler (3) and I don't have the time or energy to do more than tidy up as we go along so no washing gets done, no cleaning, nothing beyond making the beds and putting things in the dishwasher.

Your husband is being massively unreasonable.

Jackiebrambles · 19/12/2024 11:05

What an absolute total and utter bell end.

apostrophewoman · 19/12/2024 11:06

If my husband said that to me, I wouldn't explain or justify anything. I'd tell him to fuck right off with his opinions and if he's not happy, he can tidy the house himself.

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/12/2024 11:07

Was he an arsehole prior to having children? Prior to baby 2?

26dX · 19/12/2024 11:07

If he hates the clutter so much tell him he's got hands 😂 bloody cheek!

whymewhyme · 19/12/2024 11:07

Wow, what a shit! If it's not tidy enough for him tell him he knows where the cleaning stuff is.

LaurenOX · 19/12/2024 11:07

Sorry, I typed moths instead of weeks 🙈

I am 4 weeks PP.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/12/2024 11:08

Yanbu. He is being really horrible. Mat leave is for -

  • recovering from birth
  • looking after the baby
  • ensuring that the baby gets the best start, bonds with their primary caregiver etc

It's a full time job, at least in the early stages. Housework can wait

apostrophewoman · 19/12/2024 11:08

Does he run a finger over the surfaces when he comes in as well? And check the towels in the bathroom are all hanging straight? Have a productive day would have me raging.

Flittingaboutagain · 19/12/2024 11:10

You're on maternity leave. Your goal is to establish feeding, keep your baby thriving and begin your physical recovery whilst continuing to parent your four year old. The housework is his job. Yours is 24/7. One day a week he needs to be doing the majority of the cleaning.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2024 11:10

Hes being awful. Of course it's difficult with a new baby. Tell him to pay for a cleaner if he isn't pleased or roll up his sleeves and do it himself.

Notthebeard · 19/12/2024 11:11

He sounds awful. His attitude stinks. You are doing far more than I did at 4 weeks postpartum!!

PonyPatter44 · 19/12/2024 11:11

What an appalling man. Seriously, who on earth does he think he is? Is he always so horrible or has he recently had a bang on the head or something? Because this is a disgusting way to behave towards your wife who is 4 weeks PP.

DaringLion · 19/12/2024 11:13

Tell him to do it himself if it bothers him so much .

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/12/2024 11:14

Your husband is being an arsehole.

Frogsparkler · 19/12/2024 11:15

LaurenOX · 19/12/2024 10:59

Gave birth to our second son 4 weeks ago via c section. First son has just turned 4. Husband is back in work (wfh 1 day a week).

Last night husband took off on me for the house being “untidy”. To give context, husband hates clutter and his definition of untidy is things being left around the house (shoes by the door, parcels being left on the island, a chopping board in the sink and eldest son’s toys left out). Despite the clutter, the bathrooms had been cleaned and the floors hoovered/mopped and a duster had been thrown around. A wash load had been dried and put away with another wash just finished. I explained that the only time I had to do any housework was 2 hours in the afternoon due to taking my son to a play group he attends weekly and having to get the bus due to not being able to drive. Husband still accused me of not doing enough around the house.

I am EBF and son feeds every 2-3 hours all day/night. Of an evening he cluster feeds from about 8 until 12. Husband has been sleeping in with my eldest son who can still wake in the night but certainly not to the extent of our newborn. He may wake 1 or 2 times and will fall straight back asleep after some reassurance. Husband has taken on responsibilities for eldest son, he does bath time of an evening and gets him ready of a morning for pre-school (jobs which I used to do before baby’s arrival) I told my husband I appreciate he is doing more, but I am exhausted I have a baby on my boob constantly and he is being unreasonable to expect any more from me this early on. He suggested that I’m never too exhausted to do any of the fun things (I went the Christmas market with my son and my friend and her son one afternoon this week). We went to bed on an argument and this morning the last thing he said before leaving for work was “have a productive day”.

So question is, is he being an inconsiderate A* AIBU to think he is being wholly unreasonable?

I don’t even know where to start with this. Your husband is an arse.

StrawberryWater · 19/12/2024 11:15

He's a bell end.

If it bothers him so much he can do it in the evenings or on the weekend.

Wordau · 19/12/2024 11:16

Your husband is a misogynistic twat

Who did the housework when you were both working pre kids?

Wordau · 19/12/2024 11:17

LaurenOX · 19/12/2024 11:07

Sorry, I typed moths instead of weeks 🙈

I am 4 weeks PP.

4 months would still be outrageous, FYI

But 4 weeks... I'm speechless

TheSmallAssassin · 19/12/2024 11:18

Tell him you are not prepared to do any more than you are doing at the moment (you should be doing less!) because you are recovering from an operation and have a tiny baby to look after. It's not a debate, what's he going to do if you say you "no more"?

Nothatgingerpirate · 19/12/2024 11:19

Apart from his attitude in given circumstances being appalling, I would actually prefer if my husband was like this.
OCD speaking, probably.
Not on in the OP's situation.

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