Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

[LaurenOX]

Gave birth to our second son 4 weeks ago via c section. First son has just turned 4. Husband is back in work (wfh 1 day a week).

Last night husband took off on me for the house being “untidy”. To give context, husband hates clutter and his definition of untidy is things being left around the house (shoes by the door, parcels being left on the island, a chopping board in the sink and eldest son’s toys left out). Despite the clutter, the bathrooms had been cleaned and the floors hoovered/mopped and a duster had been thrown around. A wash load had been dried and put away with another wash just finished. I explained that the only time I had to do any housework was 2 hours in the afternoon due to taking my son to a play group he attends weekly and having to get the bus due to not being able to drive. Husband still accused me of not doing enough around the house.

I am EBF and son feeds every 2-3 hours all day/night. Of an evening he cluster feeds from about 8 until 12. Husband has been sleeping in with my eldest son who can still wake in the night but certainly not to the extent of our newborn. He may wake 1 or 2 times and will fall straight back asleep after some reassurance. Husband has taken on responsibilities for eldest son, he does bath time of an evening and gets him ready of a morning for pre-school (jobs which I used to do before baby’s arrival) I told my husband I appreciate he is doing more, but I am exhausted I have a baby on my boob constantly and he is being unreasonable to expect any more from me this early on. He suggested that I’m never too exhausted to do any of the fun things (I went the Christmas market with my son and my friend and her son one afternoon this week). We went to bed on an argument and this morning the last thing he said before leaving for work was “have a productive day”.

So question is, is he being an inconsiderate A* AIBU to think he is being wholly unreasonable?

You’re 4 weeks PP (and post c-section!) and EBF with two young children to look after? And your partner is speaking to you like this?! What an unbelievable fuckwit. YANBU, OP. Your husband is BVVU. Sending you strength to tell him what an absolute twat he’s being 💐

What a tool! You do way more than I have 11 years after having my son!

Sorry OP, your husband is a dickhead.

You are at work all day looking after a newborn. You don’t have the time or space to do household tasks. He doesn’t have boobs, so these are tasks he should be picking up. Keeping on top of the house and caring for the toddler is HIS role, yours is keeping the newborn alive.

My DH worked full time and did all the housework until I went back to work…!

I’m raging for you.

What a twunt. At 4 weeks postpartum my neat freak husband was rushing home from work to tidy up and telling me not cook tea (tbf I wanted to cook tea as it meant 40 minutes away from the boob barnacle)!

Your job is keeping baby alive and his job is keeping you alive.

You’re not meant to be hoovering at all at 4 weeks pp as you’ve had a section you’ll be back in Hozzie if you keep doing that. You need tell him this it’s bloody dangerous.

if he doesn’t like mess tell he knows how to clean and so what if he’s taken over with the older child that’s being a parent ffs

"Yes the house is untidy because I'm keeping a tiny human alive whilst recovering from giving birth. Feel free to tidy round "

He sounds like a vile and condescending little prick .

I had my daughter via c section and was told that I shouldn’t lift anything heavier than my baby or the kettle for 6 weeks while I’m recovering. I was told to not over exert myself. My partner wouldn’t even let me put the washing in the machine. Does he want you to injure yourself?

I’d absolutely lose it with him, I’m afraid. How dare he.

I do think some men think staying at home with a baby is some kind of break or holiday when in most ways it’s more stressful than going to work due to the lack of breaks and constant demands.

You’re doing amazing OP, husband is being a twat. Tell him to do it himself if it bothers him that much. You and baby’s health and rest are No1. Ignore him and have a nap 😁

@TwinklySquid not just men, women with no kids yet think the same. I've had THREE colleagues say to me, right before I went on mat leave earlier this year, that they wish they had a baby so they could take a break from work too and that they envy what a nice summer I'll have. LOL.

Poor OP, I hope things have improved since you posted.

Stop doing his washing and making his dinner and he’ll maybe realise exactly how well you are doing. I think 4 weeks pp I was lucky to be showered by the time my husband got home from work some days. He’s a prize twat.

WTAF? My DH's reaction to me being at home with newborn DD1 was to suggest we get a cleaner. Also, when I stopped BFding her at 6 weeks he did all the night feeds on alternative nights, so I could get a full night's sleep. And he did that whilst setting up his own business and working 14 hour days.

OP You have set your bar far, far too low.