Is husband expecting too much 4 months PP or AIBU

[LaurenOX]

Gave birth to our second son 4 weeks ago via c section. First son has just turned 4. Husband is back in work (wfh 1 day a week).

Last night husband took off on me for the house being “untidy”. To give context, husband hates clutter and his definition of untidy is things being left around the house (shoes by the door, parcels being left on the island, a chopping board in the sink and eldest son’s toys left out). Despite the clutter, the bathrooms had been cleaned and the floors hoovered/mopped and a duster had been thrown around. A wash load had been dried and put away with another wash just finished. I explained that the only time I had to do any housework was 2 hours in the afternoon due to taking my son to a play group he attends weekly and having to get the bus due to not being able to drive. Husband still accused me of not doing enough around the house.

I am EBF and son feeds every 2-3 hours all day/night. Of an evening he cluster feeds from about 8 until 12. Husband has been sleeping in with my eldest son who can still wake in the night but certainly not to the extent of our newborn. He may wake 1 or 2 times and will fall straight back asleep after some reassurance. Husband has taken on responsibilities for eldest son, he does bath time of an evening and gets him ready of a morning for pre-school (jobs which I used to do before baby’s arrival) I told my husband I appreciate he is doing more, but I am exhausted I have a baby on my boob constantly and he is being unreasonable to expect any more from me this early on. He suggested that I’m never too exhausted to do any of the fun things (I went the Christmas market with my son and my friend and her son one afternoon this week). We went to bed on an argument and this morning the last thing he said before leaving for work was “have a productive day”.

So question is, is he being an inconsiderate A* AIBU to think he is being wholly unreasonable?

Oh just tell him to fuck off - I wouldn't even entertain listening to that bullshit

He is being an absolute c*nt!!

Not only did you give birth only 4 weeks ago but it was a c-section too!!! That is major surgery you need to recover from. You’re already doing waaaaay more than I did at 4 weeks pp and I had an easy vaginal birth.

I remember hoovering 10 days after birth (felt absolutely fine and was recovering well) just as the midwife turned up and she gave me an earful🤣

Honestly I would do the bare minimum and let yourself relax and if your husband is so concerned by any other “mess” he’s got a pair of hands he can use to tidy it up.

I can't type on here what I would say if a man spoke to me that way..
Have a productive day.. he should be supporting you in a loving caring way you a little child and a baby ..
Tell him straight to get some understanding and respect or else .
Your not the cleaner cook bottle washer you are allowed to se your friends and leave a few things lying around.
Tell him to loosen up I'm fuming for you x

Hi op,

I literally stopped reading when you said that you gave birth 4 weeks ago and your dh had a go coz the house isn’t pristine.

i have no idea what you said after because no, no & no. There is absolutely nothing that can make him right. Never. Ever.

I am sorry op. Honestly, if he is so out of by it either he does it, or he HIRES someone to do it?? Having babies with you does NOT make you his maid 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I had my kids 150 years ago the health visitor ran her finger through the dust on my tv and said that's good...I'd rather you bonded with your baby and recovered from childbirth than spend time cleaning! He's being utterly unreasonable and I honestly think you should show him the replies on here. How dare he...when did he last have major surgery and then not skip a beat to look after a toddler, bf baby and a house???
How fucking dare he...I'm honestly fuming for you op. Don't let him bully you, now is the time to push back 💐

WEEKS!!

It was bad enough when I thought it was months.

He is an abusive shitbag as others have said.

Saying “have a productive day” to your 4 weeks pp wife is disgusting. “Hope you get some rest today” is more appropriate.

If my partner had said to me four weeks after my c section "have a productive day" then despite being in my 30s I would have called my mum and told her my baby and I needed to come and stay with her for a while so I could rest and recover and take care of my little one in a healthy and loving environment.

What a complete and utter bastard he is OP.

At four weeks PP you should be doing about 1/2 that. You have been through the equivalent of major surgery.
I suggest if he wants things done -- He does them. A protective day at this stage would include at least 2 naps.

You have done so much housework! Well done on you! However...it only gets harder as your littlest gets older. Looking after two is HARD if you are expected to clean the house too.

I'd say it's domestic abuse from his part

Here we go. OP: "My husband is being a bit of a twat" - MN replies "yes, yes he is" - OP - "he's a great dad/lovely man etc etc" rinse and repeat.

Any man who behaves like this at any time let alone 4 weeks PP is a dickhead. Just call him out for what he is, none of this oh he's tired poor dear lamb. FFS.

Wow I seriously can’t believe your husband.
after I had a c section I did nothing around the house for at least 6 weeks and I definitely didn’t clean loads after that either as looking after a newborn (and breastfeeding) takes up
so much time!
also it’s more important for you to be getting out of the house/socialising/resting than cleaning right now

I'm an obsessive cleaner/tidier and even I think he is being an arse.

If it means that much to him then he needs to do it. End of story.

You sound like you really want to defend him OP and Lord knows why. You have had MAJOR abdominal surgery and you’re looking after two children (or three if you include him). It is not your fault if he doesn’t feel
bonded with the baby. It is not your fault if he wants to keep the house up to hotel standards. You deserve to be looked after by HIM during this time.

Honestly why is the bar set so low for men!!!

I feel the need to batter the shit out of your husband, fucking ridiculous man! Totally unreasonable!

He’s being horrible. You should be taking time to rest when you can not running around cleaning. He should be helping you know moaning because you haven’t done what he expects even though you are in the clock 24/7!

Are you fucking kidding me?

I’m disgusted to read this, what a selfish horrible man.

I am so angry on your behalf. How dare he criticise you and tell you to have a productive day. He is a horrible unfeeling person. Tell him to get stuffed and employ a cleaner if he wants the house perfect. I can’t believe you are cleaning bathrooms and hoovering. Him taking responsibility is part of his job as a dad and you shouldn’t be thanking him for doing it. Tell him to hoover and clean.

What a fucking knob!

Please tell your mum, his mum, the health visitor, any dads about? Anyone who can firmly tell him what a knob he is.
You really risk being set back after surgery.
You are keeping a baby alive.
Please look after yourself @LaurenOX , what do they say on planes, put your own mask on first?
Let him hire a cleaner or get stuck in himself.

He gets that you’re still recovering from major surgery after growing a baby and are exclusively breastfeeding with broken sleep, no? What is more productive than that?

Sounds like he wants a maid and nanny rather than a wife and mother, one who is giving his children an enjoyable childhood. If he needs it to be a certain level of tidy, he can turn to his own two hands to make it happen.

Fuck him. This is why men end up alone. The entitlement and ignorance is strong.

Whenever a woman on here says her partner is ‘amazing’, it’s usually a really good sign that they’re (the partner) a complete arsehole doing the bare minimum, while expecting the earth.

That's very good for 1874.
I'm pleased for you and your kids!
😂

can you leave and go to your mothers? Personally I would make it long term. He’s only going to get worse, If you choose to stay start saving money that he knows nothing about so when you finally realise you cannot take any more you have money to leave. Good luck and don’t have any more children with this monster.

I am LOVING these replies 😂!!