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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to kill unwell DH?

193 replies

meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 08:26

He’s been in bed since Tuesday morning. So I’ve had to do everything.

The thing is he normally is away Tuesday to Thursday night anyway. So no difference.

But having him here and doing nothing is ten times worse than not here at all.

I am sure I am BU.

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 19/12/2024 08:28

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Katemax82 · 19/12/2024 08:28

I feel your pain...my husband acts like he is dying when he has a bug

Londonrach1 · 19/12/2024 08:29

What sort of bug does he have... sickness, flu or just a cold.... If sickness and flu I understand why he is bed and keeping my distance...

Onelifeonly · 19/12/2024 08:29

Stay away from him and pretend he's not there. Listen to something with ear phones in if need be.

Overthebow · 19/12/2024 08:31

Depends on how ill he is. In bed and sleeping the whole time with something like flu or sickness bug then yabu. But in bed with a cold and able to get and eat food, watch tv etc. then no yanbu and I’d expect him to be able to contribute at least a bit to the household.

Original poster
meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 08:43

I do believe he’s unwell. It’s just frustrating as he sort of has the option of going to bed when he’s ill which I don’t. Luckily neither of us are unwell much.

OP posts:
WiseLurker · 19/12/2024 08:46

There's some really nasty things going around at the moment. I know several normally well people who have been absolutely floored.

Perhaps, if he doesn't do this often, then a little empathy might be nice?

sparkellie · 19/12/2024 08:48

Is he literally just in bed, staying put of the way and not adding to your workload?
If so maybe a little unreasonable, but I absolutely understand how irritating it can be.
If he is adding to your workload in any way (more washing up, asking for food/drinks etc) I would give him until tonight then take to bed and tell him you've got what he had and he'll have to take over as he must be on the mend by now. Either he'll get his arse out of bed and take over or he'll 'have' to go to work, and at least you'll only have your usual work to do.
ETA that is presuming he's not actually very unwell and you think he is able to do more

Endofyear · 19/12/2024 08:56

If this is unusual behaviour for him and he's not unwell much and is genuinely ill then yes, I think YABU. He can't help being ill and at least he's staying in bed and out of your way!

Nogaxeh · 19/12/2024 08:58

Overthebow · 19/12/2024 08:31

Depends on how ill he is. In bed and sleeping the whole time with something like flu or sickness bug then yabu. But in bed with a cold and able to get and eat food, watch tv etc. then no yanbu and I’d expect him to be able to contribute at least a bit to the household.

The less he does then the less the likelihood that he spreads whatever virus he has.

TwixForTea · 19/12/2024 09:00

Maybe he feels really bad. And if he’s usually away what difference does it make? You just carry on as normal.

I only take to my bed when I am so poorly I cannot be vertical. And dh ignores me completely. He’s my dh not a carer.

Go into your dh bedroom, open the window then close the door. Entirely ignore your dh. Pretend he’s not there. He doesn’t need your ministrations. He probably doesn’t want or expect them.

billybear · 19/12/2024 09:08

man flu but we just have to get on with it when we are ill. turn a deaf ear to the moaning

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 19/12/2024 09:11

Aw my DH is currently very sick too, he is sleeping in the spare room and we are trying to quarantine a bit as I am heavily pregnant. I always give him lots of fuss when he is sick though as he does when I’m sick. I find the man flu amusing rather than annoying and always ham it up with temperature checks on the forehead, lemon & ginger tea and tucking him in under throws on the couch lol.

Jayne35 · 19/12/2024 09:11

YANBU, I used to hate when my ex was ill (which was often), he literally could do nothing yet when I was ill I still had to get up and look after my children, take them to school, make dinner etc

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 19/12/2024 09:12

But he is caring when I’m sick - if it wasn’t reciprocated I would definitely be more bitter!

Original poster
meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 09:17

Jayne35 · 19/12/2024 09:11

YANBU, I used to hate when my ex was ill (which was often), he literally could do nothing yet when I was ill I still had to get up and look after my children, take them to school, make dinner etc

This is it I think - it really highlights the discrepancy! I’m not doubting he’s ill but he has the luxury of returning to bed where I don’t.

OP posts:
Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 09:17

Is there a reason why he doesn't step up when you're sick?

OneThousandFaces · 19/12/2024 09:18

meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 08:43

I do believe he’s unwell. It’s just frustrating as he sort of has the option of going to bed when he’s ill which I don’t. Luckily neither of us are unwell much.

Well that's the problem. You don't get the chance to rest when ill, but you should - as should he. My immune system is crap, I seem to catch everything and I know how important rest is to recovery. So if I need go to bed, I will and dh manages whatever needs to be managed. He's hardly ever ill, but on the rare occasion that he is, I reciprocate.

It seems a really extreme reaction to be angry with him for being sick especially as if he was well he wouldn't even be at home so it's not adding to your workload, so you should figure out what's going on. On the face of it, it seems really terrible to me to be so annoyed by someone's illness that presumably is making him miserable and he'd rather be well?

Original poster
meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 09:22

Mollzzie · 19/12/2024 09:17

Is there a reason why he doesn't step up when you're sick?

Because I suppose my role is to be the parent and his is to work. So when I’m unwell (rare) I still have to be the parent and he still has to work.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/12/2024 09:23

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😂😂

Bowietips · 19/12/2024 09:24

When he's better, maybe a conversation along the lines of: 'DH, this has really brought it home to me that I have not been able to take the same time to rest and recover as you have. We need to put plans in place so that when I'm ill, I can also go to bed and not still have to do my usual jobs.'

Deathraystare · 19/12/2024 09:25

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Brilliant! Mum used to mad at dad groaning and moaning in Yes! the dressing gown of doom, with a small bottle of whiskey in his pocket. He loved his man flu! Not much of a drinker, but loved his tipple when "!ll". Mum would yell "For God's sake David, get to bed instead of moping around here!"

BigDahliaFan · 19/12/2024 09:26

Yep I've got one ill at the moment but being brave about it....I could kill him.

Undeuxtroischatcinq · 19/12/2024 09:27

Mine is too ill to help with the kids (“I feel dreadful, I don’t want them to catch it”) and too ill for the office. He is, however, just right for “working from home”, and is sat in the study devouring biscuits and browsing the internet…

Original poster
meltingsnowwomen · 19/12/2024 09:28

Yes mines done that today.

OP posts: