To want to kill unwell DH?

[meltingsnowwomen]

He’s been in bed since Tuesday morning. So I’ve had to do everything.

The thing is he normally is away Tuesday to Thursday night anyway. So no difference.

But having him here and doing nothing is ten times worse than not here at all.

I am sure I am BU.

Goodness, I took your title seriously at first and was going to type "well I guess it depends on the circumstances - which would have to be very very bad - but telling everyone on MN is definitely a not a good first move."

Yeah and? If he’s not there?

What are the symptoms? Is it the 'Edinburgh bug'?

No idea!

If he's anything like mine, YANBU and I will bee your alibi if you be mine.

Our boys 11&17 have both asked me how I cope with it. My mum keeps laughing because chose to marry him.

We both have chest infections. His is viral, he's been checked by the same Dr as me and all observations are perfect. Dr gave him antibiotics to be on the safe side but more because I think she felt sorry for what I was dealing with. He is very pathetic when ill.
Mine is bacterial. I have a temperature, I also have asthma so my sats were 88%. I've got a different inhaler, antibiotics, steroids and a finger probe to measure my oxygen levels. I feel like arse.

However I'm still doing everything. He's asleep on the sofa.
I love him to death but right now he could use some "pillow therapy".

Send help.

Why do men always act like this when women just suck it up when they're poorly? 🙄🤷‍♀️

Quite!

I’m a terrible nurse. I manage a day of sympathy but that’s my limit and after that I have to dig deep.

If he is there he should be helping a little bit at least.
With work that is more difficult. I would expect him to take some time off if the kids were unwell but barring hospitalisation or something if people start taking time off when their partners are unwell as well as when their children are there is going to be àn awful lot of absence

Why don't you? Surely if your that I'll he would come home and take over?

Well yes and I do see that so what can you do? I have never and never would demand he took time off when I’m unwell but it does rather show you can manage usually, albeit not to one’s usual parenting standards.

I couldn't love someone who would make me do everything with sats of 88 (I assume they're higher now? I hope?) and a temperature, on steroids - jesus. There's nothing funny about that - you should be in bed. You shouldn't be doing anything, and with kids of 11 and 17 they can surely manage for themselves if you're both out of action?

This

No, why would he? Unless I was literally about to die I would neither ask or expect this. It would be ridiculous, to be honest.

My mother did actually tell me, never marry/procreate with a man until you have seen what he is like when 'ill' (I mean a minor illness like a cold, obviously not something serious).
I would not tolerate this. I crack on myself so would expect him to.

Why don’t you have the option? If you need to go to bed bc you are ill he needs to take the day off work to care for his kids

In the real world people don’t take days off to care for unwell wives. They just don’t.

Luckily I can only think of once this has happened. I sent DS in for an extra day of preschool and so I at least only had one child to manage for a big portion of the day. Even so you have to do the drop offs and pick ups and bed time routine (my most passionately hated part of the day) so it’s not really perfect.

So really there is a relationship problem...he leaves everything to you as your job and he just goes to work. How did this happen are you supposed to work 24/7

Then you're not that ill or he's not now....if you need to go to bed you're too ill to care for a child. Why such a low value on your needs

I don't think you're in the real world....people do use their leave and unpaid parental leave for these things.

Hit the painful nail

Suspect that's exactly the case.

OP has a shit partner and its easier to throw out 'all men do this' than recognise the fact that they don't and she has a lemon.

To care for the kids, not the unwell wife. In my real world, if I'm too ill to get out of bed then my husband would be going in late after the school run and finishing early/working from home to pick them up - and he'd make sure he'd left me supplies of medicine/food/water. That's happened, I consider it pretty basic. I'm self employed and very flexible so can easily do the same for him. If people have jobs with zero flexibility and no option to change hours or wfh then of course there is no alternative except for emergency parental leave which you'd need for something like severe flu or norovirus where it would actually endanger the children to be left in your care, but hopefully those are very rare occurrences.

YANBU. My partner was ill a couple of weeks ago, lying fully clothed in the spare room whilst I worked full time and looked after the kids. I gave him a couple of days but then when he was not doing the basics to get better, like drinking water, taking paracetamol, eating sensible stuff, taking a shower, drawing the curtains I told him he either got himself up for an hour and had a shower or took himself to A&E…

Doesn’t help that, IMO, he doesn’t look after himself properly when he’s well- no real exercise, doesn’t eat vegetables unless I cook them, ditto fruit, not much fresh air etc. Then he’s surprised when he gets every bug going from the kids.