To want to kill unwell DH?

[meltingsnowwomen]

He’s been in bed since Tuesday morning. So I’ve had to do everything.

The thing is he normally is away Tuesday to Thursday night anyway. So no difference.

But having him here and doing nothing is ten times worse than not here at all.

I am sure I am BU.

Can you imagine, just for a second, if a bloke posted on here 'wife is in bed, AIBU to kill her?'

The replies certainly wouldn't be 'oh mate, stick your headphones in and pretend she isn't there.'

This place is a fucking mess sometimes.

Why have you written this thread OP? Your husband's ill. Are you really that arsed to write a thread about it? Heaven for fend someone's ill in bed.

Have you seen the title of your thread?

Having now read all of OPs threads, yes he does actually sound like a useless arse. But I think you have more issues than him being ill. There's a huge imbalance and he needs to step up for sure.

But perhaps in bed with flu isn't the right time. Unless he's got dreaded man flu.

The difference is that many men do actually kill their wives, whereas the reverse is quite rare.

Being sick isn’t a moral failure, you have no reason to be upset with him and joking about killing your husband for being ill is not at all funny. Murder jokes are like rape jokes- abhorrent.

When you are ill, you should go to bed too. I read all your dumb ass reasons why you think you have to carry on, why you won’t ask your DH to take a day off to do the childcare while you are ill. This isn’t a feminist issue where we women must carry on while men get to take to their beds. It’s a certain number of women like you who have martyrdom complexes and resent anyone who isn’t like that.

You did not have the flu.

Should we complain to the pharmacy they are selling faulty tests?

I knew he was going to be in bed doing nothing, they always are, slight hint of a sniffle. Just thought I’d double check.

i said he can't do this in the future. I'm not expecting him to be super productive and pretend to be his normal self when ill. But you at least need to force yourself to function as an adult.

No, you don’t have to force yourself to function when you are ill, and you should not be forcing others into your cultish workaholism.

You do when you have responsibilities and people are depending on you. Parents in particular need to crack on to some extent unless they're ill enough that social services would be called if there was no one else to look after the kids.

Where you get that from?

plus if flu most folks can’t get out of bed are not doing the shopping and walking the dog as they psychically can’t like me a month ago. I needed help and my adult kids held down the fort for me

You need a test to see if you have the flu? If you do have the flu, you will know.

I feel you op every time im ill i have to carry on as normal or everything grinds to a halt no one to take over for me.
Dh gets sick he can take himself to bed/check out of family life and recover. Its so frustrating but have no idea how to change it

Oh ok, so if you have pets, children, etc, or need to eat, it's fine to neglect all of those things because your ill? No, things still need doing. And if you are not well enough to do basic daily essentials, then you are likely too ill to be at home and should be getting medical intervention.

In an ideal world i would have taken the 2 weeks off work, but I'm self employed with deadlines, so it didn't allow so i did the bare minimum i could get away with, then I did the bare minimum i could get away with at home to make sure we were fed, hydrated and dog was OK. I had no issues with my husband not working. Just there's some circumstances you have to force yourself to be productive, e.g with children.

Your clutching and its embarrassing

Yep, similar here and is especially irritating as he probably got it with all the socialising and late nights last week (that I didn't mind covering) but then I have ended up having to cover his school runs etc this week, make him food, look after sick child (with whom I only got 2.5 hours sleep on Monday) and attempt to meet work deadline and he was still moaning today but was somehow well enough to mutter about my cleaning (not to to his standards) and go out tonight. Think I am getting ill now so feeling bit grumpy

My brother is a locum pharmacist he bought some over for us. I had peaks and troths, some hours i could get basics done, some hours i was dead to the world.

You sound tired and resentful. I believe that if a partners work doesn't accommodate family life then changes need to be made. Not saying that's easy but something has to give and currently that's your sanity.

Is there a reason he can't take time off when you are ill? I appreciate if he's already working away dependent on distance it might not be that simple to get back but surely if you are ill before he goes away he can take time off? My dh has had to do so a few times when I've been ill and vice versa.

For now I'd write down a list of points you need to discuss and once he is better have a conversation about how you effectively parent solo a lot and what you want your family life to look like going forward.

No need to be embarrassed for any other people than yourself.

Flu is dreadful. There's no way you would be walking the dog if you had flu. You often can't even walk to the toilet!

For what exactly?

Showing you I had the flu when you embarrassingly and strangely declared to a stranger on the Internet they didn't have flu? You were proved wrong, it happens.

Ok. So strange people think they know my medical circumstances better than me. Strange that I can test positive for flu two weeks in a row, and negative this week when the symptoms start to go.

I agree.

I'm a manager and have given employees dependants leave to look after their children when their spouses were ill. Male and female.

It doesn't happen that often, but it's also not completely out there.

And if you are not well enough to do basic daily essentials, then you are likely too ill to be at home and should be getting medical intervention.

You weren't doing basic essentials, you did a food shop, walked the dogs (IIRC) and worked.
I have had a couple of times in my life when I absolutely could not care for my children safely and needed to be in my bed. I did not need medical intervention, I just needed to sleep and not be responsible for anyone. Luckily I have good friends who can help (I am a lone parent).

Oh ok, so if you have pets, children, etc, or need to eat, it's fine to neglect all of those things because your ill?

No, you get someone else to take care of them. It would be neglectful to try and care for children alone if you are at risk of fainting and smacking your head, or falling down the stairs.

If you really have no one then I think you'd have to call 111 and tell them your children were at risk.