To want to kill unwell DH?

[meltingsnowwomen]

He’s been in bed since Tuesday morning. So I’ve had to do everything.

The thing is he normally is away Tuesday to Thursday night anyway. So no difference.

But having him here and doing nothing is ten times worse than not here at all.

I am sure I am BU.

If his paid job is 24/7 then fair enough. If it’s not then you should have equal amounts of free time and equal treatment when ill. The children and the house you live in are his responsibility too. Read Fair Play by Eve Rodesky. It’s on audible.

You mean you're a SAHM? Even so, assuming he's not away for work then he should still absolutely step up when you're ill. As you say, he gets time off and people cover for him when he's ill, you should get the same.

This is a good idea. I am on another thread where the OP is really unwell and her husband is treating her horribly and so this thread is leaving a very bad taste in my mouth. I can't get on board with the dismissal and contempt for an ill spouse and there are some really nasty comments, but it seems like it's coming from deeply held resentment over inequality of household labour. If you are treated well when ill (and the rest of the time!) then I don't think you'd be so unsympathetic in this situation.

We should @RadioCountdown . But we don’t and we won’t, nor for the next few years anyway.

I am not a SAHM but I am part time. If I am ill on a day I have my children I am screwed. If not I can call in sick but still have to get them ready, off to nursery, then I do get a chance to rest in the day but then have to pick them up, bath them and get them ready for bed.

This.

I don’t know why it’s leaving a bad taste in your mouth when I’m not treating him unpleasantly?

Men do get ill like wonen.
Ive read some threads on here of people being unwell lately with some bug thats going around and have been in bed for days.
I hope i dont get it.
Yesterday i read a thread of a lady that is really unwell when her husband had it she said she should of had more sympathy for him.

If he's away for work then obviously not much he can do. If he's not, then he should be stepping up when you're sick. Why doesn't he?

You've made a thread with a title that jokes about murdering him...

The comments on the thread are leaving a bad taste in my mouth, not your behaviour. It just seems there is a lot of unkindness towards ill partners, but it must be because of baked-in unfairness which I can understand would absolutely create resentment and erode sympathy. And I guess for people whose spouses malinger on purpose, I get that would be utterly enraging. It also leaves a worse taste for me to read about mothers having to do everything when ill and never being looked after - that's definitely worse and from reading this thread, depressingly common.

Yes, quite, a joke!

It really highlights the unfair difference to me when DH is ill & just rests, doesn't lift a finger as he's too ill. I'm still doing everything I normally do. He does step up if asked, but it still isn't equal & I do resent it. I shouldn't have to ask or walk him through how to cook a meal!

Although I would be less irritated if he stayed in bed. He lies on the couch in his dressing gown of doom, mouth open, snoring or making this horrible death rattle sound. You can't watch tv as he snores too loyd. Last time DD told him to go to bed as he was making too much noise!

Because he’s at work, unless I can guarantee I’ll be ill at a weekend. It’s so tiresome being cross examined on here.

It's not a stretch to see why that would leave a bad taste for some people.

Reverse the genders and stick up a thread joking about murdering your wife for being sick and lazy, see how many people think that's funny.

If someone had posted this about their wife you'd all be going absolutely crazy and calling for a welfare check. The first post is about a dressing gown cord ffs.

People get ill. Unless he's physically not there, he has to take a day off when you're unwell. Have a backbone and stop being a martyr when you're ill and value your own career too. Stop assuming it all just falls to you because you're a woman.

I hear you! Myself and my DH both have the same virus, I've had to keep going, work in a school, full-on busy with feral 4 year olds excited for Christmas, he has stopped work for the holidays now and is moping around the house in his dressing gown of doom making phleghmy noises. Last night when I got home he pronounced he wasn't robust enough to go to our daughter's Christmas Showcase and his eyeballs ached. FFS, fucking achey eyeballs! I love him and he's a great husband but I can't cope when he's ill.

For me it was last night when I’d got DD out of the bath and into her pyjamas and she was crying hysterically and shouting mama and was trying to get DS out but he was having a meltdown and so both kids were screaming and crying. And DH was lying there listening and not doing a thing. Now yes he is ill, but oh the luxury.

I don't need to do any reversing, I can see men talking about killing women all over the Internet, usually just for saying something they don't like.

It absolutely does fall to me, not because I am a martyr but because well what else do you suggest? That I physically prevent him going to work? How? And if I do manage that how do I physically force him to do the things I do?

MN likes to squawk about women martyring themselves and doesn’t seem to consider the alternative is child abuse.

No, that really is unacceptable. Why does he think he can completely opt out like that? If all he wanted to do was work and please himself then he shouldn't have had children.

That I physically prevent him going to work? How? And if I do manage that how do I physically force him to do the things I do?

This is why you're angry; not because of him being ill but because of his selfish ineptitude when well. I'm sure it would be much easier to cut him some slack on the bathtime fiasco if he was stepping up the rest of the time. I get that working away adds another level of complication, but ideally the alternative to martyrdom isn't child abuse, it's men pulling their weight as equal parents. With that context, I understand the thread a lot better.

I know he is genuinely ill but in our house the one who is ill looks after themselves as much as possible and does little jobs for benefit of everyone when possible. So when DH was down with sciatica he was advised to keep moving ( he was very very slow from pain though) so he did breakfast in the morning - it took him ages but it’s still one thing minus my list at the very intense time. It’s worse if it’s contagious of course but still we try to find the ways. But I understand your frustration as however Im unwell I need to get up and help DD with washing (she has additional needs) it’s not a big help more supervision but still.

I'd do it in a heart beat. I hate lazy people who expect to be waited on hand and foot. Especially my exh who would do this when he was 'ill' but do sweet f a to help with his kids when I was very poorly with flu one christmas,

Well yes but if they won’t then it is child abuse because if you say ‘well, I’m not feeding them / dressing them / doing the laundry / taking them to nursery/school that’s neglect which is child abuse.

Well in the example you've just given surely you'd just shout him to come and dress one of the kids?