Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

[Hairisbad]

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas.
Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day
with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away.
Back in boxing day.

But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going
to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us.
Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day.

As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day.

This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in
and watch what we want on TV.
It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own.
We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us.

Am I being Silly to feel left out.

Thank your lucky stars you both have each other's company...my husband and I had a few Christmases alone before we had our own kids and his kids were with their mum

Did you invite either of them to come to you? If not for the main meal then brunch/ tea and mincepies and present exchange, on Christmas eve/day/boxing day?
Or as your DD is working it sounds like you are doing 'your' Christmas altogether next weekend instead? So already sorted, you will celebrate together but on a different day?
I can see why you might be a bit sad but not sure why you didn't try to arrange anything sooner.
What happened last year?

Well, on a logical level, yes.

You aren't 'being left out', you are just moving the day you spend with your family to a different date.

Perfectly normal for adult dc not to be able to spend every Christmas day with their own parents.

Doesn't mean you won't feel a bit wistful, but it is a normal part of life.

We are going to my brother's this year, for only the 2nd time ever, because 1 of our dc and 2 of his won't be joining us, so we thought we'd join forces.
Do you not have any other family or friends, if a busier day is important to you ?

Did you not ask him where he would be having Christmas? Not leave it to the week before?

This! I don’t know anyone who hasn’t confirmed their plans for Christmas Day with a week to go. Did you actually invite them?

And you’re not on your own, you’re with your partner. You can have a special day with them surely?

Last year I was recovering from cancer.
We did mention after my treatment, that this year
they will have dinner with us.
That's when DD mentioned that she was working.

I think you're being daft. It sounds like you haven't asked him which is quite honestly bonkers a week out from the day. If you wanted him there why wouldn't you ask?

You have someone to share the day with. All good!!

I spend two out of three Christmases alone.

You're hardly alone. There's two of your for most of the day and your DD is joining for the evening.

Married adult Dc are hardly going to spend every Xmas with you. You're doing your family Xmas the at the weekend.

Sadly, most folks only think of themselves. It won't necessarily have occured to your DCs that you won't see either of them or their families on the day. And they might now realise how much that means to you.

Each might be thinking that you're with the other. Also, they'll think that you are with your DH and enjoying a child free Christmas. They're probably jealous ...

and is your Mr is chopped liver? Go for a long walk ... to a pub ... have a slap-up meal and meet a new man ... ?

Go shopping on Bx Day with your DS's family? Buy all your GKs' gifts then?

My DDs are still teens but in the years to come, I'll probably be on my own at some point. This year I am hosting their GPs (my late DH's parents) and BIL so I am cooking a big dinner for my not-relatives ...

but who knows what future years will bring.

DD is not joining us in the evening. She is staying at home.

You're not "on your own", you're together. We have had every Xmas Day for 30+ years that way, so I don't see the problem. You'll see your family on another day, anyway.
Just relax and enjoy the peace on 25th.

I’d miss DD but I wouldn’t consider myself alone if Dh was sitting there. We’d get a giant cheeseboard and crack open some good stuff and enjoy ourselves.

We invite adult DCs every year. Sometimes they come, sometimes they have other plans with their partner’s families. That’s fine, I don’t expect them to come every year just so DH & I aren’t ‘alone’. I love our ‘alone’ Christmas days. It’s completely stress-free. We just eat cheese and chocolate all day and watch TV, and get the family together for a big roast at some point between Christmas and New Year. You can still have a lovely day without the children, it’s just a new normal and can take a bit of getting used to!

You’re not alone.

You have each other!

They have their own houses and lives

You are not alone. When your children become adults, Christmas changes. You and your DH need to make new traditions so it is not just another day.

I just don't understand why this is only being sorted out now? Obviously, you have known for some time that your DD would not be with you and it's completely understandable that if she is working until 6 pm and back in on Boxing Day that she would want to spend the small remaining portion of Christmas Day with her family, which you say she is doing. But how have you not confirmed an invite and timings etc with your DS until a week before actual Christmas Day?

@AlohaRose we had discussed in August as that's when I finished my treatment.

By your own admission they didn't actually agree to being at yours for Christmas though? You told them they were coming and having dinner with you?

Coming over on Wednesday AND on the weekend is a bit much, no? You planned to be together as family over the weekend- everyone is sticking to the plan.

You're being silly - you'll have a lovely time just a few days later with your whole family. What a joy it will be.

Perhaps you could do something totally different next Wednesday. Go and volunteer somewhere, go to the beach for a windswept walk and turkey sandwiches, see if you can book a restaurant, spend the whole day in pjs binge watching tv etc....

Do what my IL's do every year - book a last minute cruise - there are great deals to be had! They love it and dont have the angst of having to choose who to go to every year.

Given that the OP’s DS lives very close by, he really should have the decency to invite his parents over for an hour in the morning or pop down to see them. He could still go to their friends for dinner. It’s bad form of him not to. It’s not as easy for her DD to visit if she’s working.

OP, would yourself and your DH go out for Christmas dinner or away for the few days over Christmas ?

I get why you feel the way you do but you're not "on your own". You're together with your husband. Plus, you'll be having a day together at the weekend.

I'm alone this Christmas Day. I'm planning to order whatever may be open on Deliveroo. It's going to be different but different does not equal bad.