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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

246 replies

Hairisbad · 18/12/2024 20:55

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas.
Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day
with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away.
Back in boxing day.

But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going
to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us.
Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day.

As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day.

This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in
and watch what we want on TV.
It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own.
We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us.

Am I being Silly to feel left out.

OP posts:
Balletdreamer · 20/12/2024 09:50

you aren’t alone though you’ll spend the day together. As someone who felt incredible pressure to spend every Christmas with parent (who was actually alone) please don’t do that to your children, let them make their own choices and they’ll be more keen to spend time with you,

HappyFitnessQueen · 20/12/2024 09:51

This thread has made me so happy - what a great outcome! Well done OP and have wonderful Christmas!

rb124 · 20/12/2024 17:43

Sounds like a good deal to me!
Obviously, I appreciate it's special to you, but, trouble is, if you lay a big "guilt trip" on them so they feel obligated to come to yours, it could start off a path of resentment l, which won't end well.

Buttercup198 · 20/12/2024 17:45

Enjoy your holiday

Searchingforthelight · 20/12/2024 17:54

Have a great holiday! And a lovely Christmas celebration upon return!

StarkleLittleTwink · 20/12/2024 18:18

Awww yes, you must be a bit disappointed, especially after your cancer diagnosis etc. We have had the odd Christmas Day our own too and actually loved it. We had lunch out (we were able to book early), got back, had a bottle of fizz and watched what we wanted on TV. It’s not all bad and you have your family time the following weekend. Try to cosy up and enjoy your time together.

Original poster
Hairisbad · 20/12/2024 18:19

UPDATE
We got here late Thursday evening.
After a very busy morning packing.
Awoke to glorious sunshine.
Hotel is christmasy but not over the top.
How I'll feel on the day itself but at the moment
I'm loving the sunshine.
Thank you for knocking some sense into me.

OP posts:
fairytailcat · 20/12/2024 18:21

You lucky ducks! Have a wonderful time!

LucastaNoir · 20/12/2024 18:26

Sounds wonderful OP! Will you have a meal at the restaurant on Christmas Day or head out to a restaurant? Am v envious!

Lincslady53 · 20/12/2024 18:56

Make the day special and different for yourselves. We had our first Christmas with just the 2 of us last year. We started with a proper breakfast with top quality bacon and other goods. Then went for a lovely walk along the canal, calling into our favourite pub. Bonus, the first drink was on the house. Then back home for our favourite meal of steak and trimmings, finally enjoying the tv, a nice drink and chocolates, watching what we wanted to watch. Although we could do the same any day as we are retired, by planning it out it made it special and we enjoyed the day. Don't mope and moan, just enjoy the day. Our DS is working Christmas morning this year, so we are on our own in the morning, then starting Christmas as we pick him up at 2.00.

Original poster
Hairisbad · 20/12/2024 19:02

@Lincslady53 we flew out to Tenerife on Thursday.
Otherwise they are good ideas.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 20/12/2024 19:03

I feel for you and it is disappointing that some other posters are being obtuse.

This is my second Christmas since I left my h and the first where my dd won't be with me as she's working. I'll have all my other children though and they'll spend more of the day with me before going to see their grandparent and by default, their father and his very new gf.

It is going to be different. It will be difficult at times. I'm allowing myself to feel sad while thinking of ways to make it so it is still enjoyable. Next year will be different again as I'll have moved and won't be living near enough for my dc to see me and their father on the same day.

Ithinkyou · 20/12/2024 19:04

The thought of a Christmas day alone with my husband, while my children are grown with happy families of their own sounds like a future I would be so grateful for.

I understand why you feel a bit left out, but maybe you can reframe it.

Sounds like you've had a heck of a year 💐

Sugargliderwombat · 20/12/2024 19:24

Hairisbad · 20/12/2024 18:19

UPDATE
We got here late Thursday evening.
After a very busy morning packing.
Awoke to glorious sunshine.
Hotel is christmasy but not over the top.
How I'll feel on the day itself but at the moment
I'm loving the sunshine.
Thank you for knocking some sense into me.

I think this was a fabulous idea! Now when you get back your family day will feel like a real Christmas day, as you've done something totally new for your Christmas 😊

laraitopbanana · 20/12/2024 19:29

A little… you married your dh not your children…

be happy 🌺

weegiemum · 20/12/2024 20:33

We have 3 adult dc. MIL always comes for Christmas (dh's only db lives 8000 miles away). This year my parents are going to stay in a hotel local to us and be here on Christmas Eve and Day.

Eldest dd is spending Christmas Eve with her partner in their new flat for the first time, and going to his brother's house on Christmas Day. We'll see them Boxing Day.
Ds is working Christmas Eve until 11pm, here on Christmas Day then working again Boxing Day.
Dd2 is here Christmas Eve with her boyfriend, here Christmas Day until after we eat then off to boyfriends until 27th.

Christmas Eve is important to us as dh is half German and it's a tradition we've tried to keep up.

We're just pleased we're going to see them all at some point.

If it was just dh and me we would take it very easy, probably exist on cheese and plenty wine, and watch some bad tv. I'm sure it'll be that eventually, they're 25,23 and 21 and forging their own lives.

CapercailleP · 20/12/2024 20:46

Oh dear god READ THE OP'S UPDATE, FOLKS!!!

Coco2024 · 20/12/2024 21:52

Well done for getting away! In a way you took control of your own Xmas! My issue is mostly with your son not having the emotional intelligence to realise that it’s your first Xmas after finishing cancer treatment. However there’s always another side to the story, maybe him and his wife felt like they also wanted to do something diff this Xmas. Hope you have a wonderful time!

TiredTeaBag · 20/12/2024 21:59

I never want my kids to join me out of guilt or obligation, and for that reason, we told them once they finished uni that we no longer "expected" them to join us on Christmas day as they were in long term committed relationships and living with partners.

What we do ask is that we get the chance to see them at some point over the festive period.

We were actually looking forward to a cozy Christmas with just the two of us this year, but in fact, we've ended up with company and now we are panicking over the roast potato allocations.

I refuse to waste energy getting upset over one day when they are pulled in lots of different directions with relationships, young exciting social lives, jobs, limited holiday etc.,

We may find it easier to get our heads around this view of things because husband is retired NHS, so we rarely did Christmas on the day when they were growing up anyway.

It helps me to manage the empty nest wobbles by knowing I have set them free from the guilt of mum... and when they do choose to come... It's all the sweeter.

NewName24 · 20/12/2024 22:13

Excellent post @TiredTeaBag

This is exactly how I feel.

Teddybear23 · 20/12/2024 22:33

Married or not if I lived near my parents I’d never NOT see them on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day. My parents are gone now and I miss them dreadfully. They were not together but I know they would have both been hurt if I hadn’t seen them on either day. In my opinion it’s what you do when you love your parents.

Buffs · 21/12/2024 01:01

Yes you are being silly

HoppingPavlova · 21/12/2024 02:17

Married or not if I lived near my parents I’d never NOT see them on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day. My parents are gone now and I miss them dreadfully. They were not together but I know they would have both been hurt if I hadn’t seen them on either day. In my opinion it’s what you do when you love your parents

But they are seeing them on Xmas Day, the day has just been moved so Xmas Day is another day. We rarely had Xmas day on the 25th as I always worked it and Boxing Day so Xmas day was moved around my roster. The 25th just became another ‘ordinary’ day and another date was picked for Xmas day with Santa etc. Once our kids got old enough to know dates/calendars we just told them people who had to work on 25th wrote to Santa telling them when their Xmas day was and he would come then. Sometimes we were 10 days late if that worked best with my roster 🤣. As the kids grew up it was completely normal to pick a date and that is Xmas. That is what has happened here. Doesn’t seem like anyone is ditching anyone for what has been agreed as Xmas day??

MaltipooMama · 21/12/2024 08:37

Teddybear23 · 20/12/2024 22:33

Married or not if I lived near my parents I’d never NOT see them on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day. My parents are gone now and I miss them dreadfully. They were not together but I know they would have both been hurt if I hadn’t seen them on either day. In my opinion it’s what you do when you love your parents.

I'm seeing my family on Christmas Eve, so by your admission does that mean that I don't love them?! That's quite extreme

Packetofcrispsplease · 21/12/2024 14:05

I think it’s fine ?
You're all meeting for a family dinner/ lunch over the holiday season so the fact that it’s not Christmas Day itself doesn’t really matter .
we are having a fairly quiet one too , just myself , husband and my youngest