Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

[Hairisbad]

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas.
Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day
with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away.
Back in boxing day.

But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going
to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us.
Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day.

As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day.

This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in
and watch what we want on TV.
It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own.
We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us.

Am I being Silly to feel left out.

@AlohaRose do you not know the meaning of 'discuss'.
We as a family chatted. Me and DH asked if they would like to come on Christmas day. Ds and wife said ok.
DD then mentioned she would be working.
We presumed that as ds didn't say no then, they were still coming.
The family get together at the weekend after was only sorted a few weeks ago.

Good point. And who would say to their mum who has just finished treatment for cancer, no we are not coming over. That would be too tough to say at that point.

I think your DS should have been clearer about his plans. I don’t blame you for being disappointed. But I think you will find things to embrace on the day.

It's quite usual where I live for families to have their Christmas celebrations on a different day due to situations like this - I was talking to someone yesterday who will be volunteering at the community lunch and getting together with her family on Boxing Day.

Also, you have your husband! I have no family and spend the day alone, which doesn't bother me in the slightest.

We've been trying to pin down our in-their-late 20s offspring since September about if/when we are going to see them over the festive season.
Makes me think they don't want to bother. If it wasn't for their mum being upset if she doesn't see them, I wouldn't bother either. No doubt when they have kids and need free childcare / want financial support again, we'll suddenly be in favour again.

edited to add, yes I know that sounds bitter but I am.

Why will be an ordinary day, you and your DH can make it a lovely day?

Yes, we have a bit of a moveable feast in our family due to divorce & disability. We don’t always celebrate it on the actual day and it’s nice because you start to see Christmas as a bit of a season across which you see different people as opposed to just one day with all the pressure that entails.

It sounds to me like your son, on hearing that his sister couldn’t go and on discussing celebrating on a different day, concluded that that would be your celebration instead. I doubt he expected to hurt your feelings as it sounds like you were an instigator in this alternative celebration!

Surely if your doing Christmas the weekend after they assumed that's when your doing Christmas not both

Why didn't you say this in the opening post? You are asking for comments but missing relevant information!

I can kind of see how the situation you are in regarding Christmas Day has possibly occurred....

I’m not spending Xmas day with either in laws or parents. My in laws have invited us on 23rd and my parents on Boxing Day.
Its weird for you to complain but have not made any plans up to now or have invited anyone over.

From your most recent comment, it seems the situation is different to what you first posted, or maybe just hadn't made clear.
Are you definitely saying you invited DS, he said yes, now with a week to go you find out he's actually not coming? After you had been led to believe up until now that he was coming?
That is very wrong of him, if so. Unless the wife's friend is suddenly terminally ill with weeks to go, then perhaps forgivable.
Surely you've already planned the menu, possibly bought food and drinks, crackers?

This is part of life - adult children start nuclear families of their own, create their own family holiday celebrations, and usually end up rotating and splitting holidays between multiple extended families. Have you and your DH spent every Christmas Day with both sets of your parents since you got together?

Your DC are planning to be with you and the rest of your family to celebrate a few years after (I’m guessing your DS was thinking that plan was made in place of a Christmas Day celebration while you were thinking it was in addition to), and they know you and DH aren’t alone on Christmas Day because you have each other. The two of you are perfectly capable of making it a special day for the two of you.

It sounds like there was some lack of communication & faulty assumptions with your DS. Next year if you want to host them and potentially DD on Christmas Day then give them a specific day in late November or December that you need an RSVP by.

DH and I are having Christmas Day on our own for the first time in 20 years. We are so excited and really looking forward to it. We're retired so maybe it will feel like any other day but I don't think it will. We will cook dinner together and make it feel special. I can't wait!

You are not being silly, you are entitled to your feelings.

Feel your feelings.

Then try to focus on having a nice, calm, lovely Christmas with your DH. You have each other.
Like you yourself write, you can have nice food, and watch whatever you want on TV.
Perhaps you can do something new, too? Are there any activities or happenings during Christmas where you live?
Is there a movie you have been longing to watch? Watch that movie!

Isnt that understandable seeing as she is working all day?

Its understandable to be upset at DS and his wife pulling out with barely a week to go until Xmas.

We as a family chatted. Me and DH asked if they would like to come on Christmas day. Ds and wife said ok.

Might have been helpful to have started the thread with this, not dropped it in on page 2.
All the posters on the first page are answering what you had told us until then.

Had you put "AIBU to be sad that ds has told us with a week to go that he isn't coming here as he had agreed to, but is going somewhere else?" You'd have got different responses.

Ask your ds if you can call over for a bit or if he can come to yours at all...see the grandkids if they have any.

It really bugs me when people say they're going to be spending Christmas on their own… apart from their partner that is!

Christmas is fluid in our family. It's anyway day from 24-31st. It's great. It's not a about one day and a lot less dress

You have your DH. You're not alone.

Unlike most posters I think it's really shitty of your son to have agreed to come to yours, then tell you that he's actually going to some random other person for the whole of Christmas day. You say he's going with his family so I assume you've got grandchildren you won't see either. Surely as he lives so near they could come for a couple of hours, or come for tea, I actually think it's dreadful of him and I would be extremely upset if my son behaved like that. My son and DIL alternate Christmas day each year with either me or her parents and have done for years. What does your son normally do?
Its understandable about your daughter not coming if she's working late and on boxing day too, so that can't be helped, but I think your son has behaved badly.

@ISeriouslyDoubtIt Dil doesn't have any living relatives.
Last year we couldn't host as I was ill.
Year before was the same.
Everyone came in 2021.
Covid was 2020.
Before that it went around sons, then daughters and then ours.

I am your kids in this situation. We aren't spending the day with either my family or in-laws. To be honest we have 2 small kids and are sick of running the roads all day Christmas Day as we have done for the past few years! We have arranged different days to go have dinner with them, as your family have with you!

This. Just ask!