Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

[Hairisbad]

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas.
Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day
with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away.
Back in boxing day.

But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going
to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us.
Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day.

As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day.

This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in
and watch what we want on TV.
It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own.
We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us.

Am I being Silly to feel left out.

Mine are mid 20s but single, they have moved far away but are home for xmas. TBH i kind if dread them not coming home at xmas but I'll accept it with a smile (and maybe post my anguish on mn)...

So i dont think yabu op

It's always difficult but for me I think it's important to try to spend the day together as a family (if no issues of course). For us 'kids' if we have to put ourselves out a bit then so be it. I know some couples who refuse to go anywhere, to me they are together every day so making the effort to see parents should be a priority. It's one day, we all need to make the effort. X

I’ve spent many Christmases alone. The 3 kids alternated between her parents and me, year about at first. Sometimes they just wanted their own wee Christmas Day, lounging about with their own kids, chilling. No driving so they can enjoy a drink. Sometimes, I went to theirs. All perfectly natural and part of the parenting process of letting go.
They have to make their own traditions and spend their holiday how they want to. Mine will pop in some time. Might be Boxing Day, might be Christmas Eve, might be 3 or more days later.
On my own is great, too. No big meal to cook, no clearing up, can watch tv or chat with friends in other countries on the computer.
You have a husband so there’s a middle road for you but just move Christmas Day stuff to a day that they can make it. 2 Christmases or 3 even, wtg 🥂Just like the song: 🎶I wish it could be Christmas every day 🎶

Enjoy Tenerife…new traditions can be instigated at any age and that’s a great start 😉

What an extraordinary way of measuring whether someone loves their parents or not

When my parents were alive, I lived close to them and saw them regularly throughout the year (several times a week on occasion). Going to spend a few days staying with another family member over Christmas, who I only tended to see when one of us was able to make the time to travel, did NOT mean I loved my parents any less.

Same with my adult dc. I would think it very strange if they never went to spend Christmas Day with their partners' families.

What a completely bizarre way of thinking.

It's hard when your traditional Christmas changes as your family grows up and you lose elderly members.

This has happened to us, quite rapidly since lockdowns and we have had to pass the responsibility for hosting on to the next generation. It's not like it was, we have to get used to new ways.

I feel really sorry for families who are stuck in the groove of Christmas can only happen on the 25th and are really upset and disappointed when someone's working. As a church musician, I have always had to work over Christmas - some years 6 services in two days - and all the rehearsals and concerts as well as they stresses and strains of excitable children and the arrival of up to 14 family members expecting to be fed and watered from around 3pm. But remember, the 25th is only the first day of Christmas - there are 11 more to come.

We have always felt that for us, the hosts, the holiday started on Boxing Day, when we were off duty and we made sure that the visiting and entertaining went on for the full 12 days. Often, we were still decorating the house on the 26th and I remember icing the cake too, because there was just no more time.

Now that we are not responsible for the big extended family Christmas, we can arrange to see people on different days, go out with friends and entertain neighbours. The gatherings are smaller, but we can still have fun with those we consider family.

I urge you, hairisbad, to extend your Christmas. Use your days off to indulge yourselves and watch a boxed set, if that's your thing. See your family and friends at yours or theirs, whatever suits those with children to accommodate, whichever day works best. Don't feel left out if some of your children are visiting in laws on the day - it might be that is the only day everyone can be accommodated. Don't make adult children feel guilty because you will be alone, let them know you can cope and will look forward to seeing them another day. Have a special time with DD when she has a day off - maybe invite one or two of her friends to come around too.

Above all, relax and go with the flow. Who knows? You might find that you actually enjoy yourself.

Have a very Happy 12 days of Christmas ❤️

You are being silly Have a lovely day with your husband and then enjoy the weekend get together with your family Stop with the pity party.

Have a lovely day doing what you want, then a lovely family celebration at the weekend.
It's just a day 😊

Do something different - go for a walk, go to church, invite the neighbours round for a drink.

OP has been in Tenerife since Thursday

im not sure what the daughter does but I’m imagining my police inspector husband saying no I know I’m rostered on but my mums been ill so you’ll have to change the shift. Or being at the scene of a stabbing or a domestic and saying to the woman sorry I’ll have to go my mums got dinner on the table.

Your far from alone
I spent many years alone on Xmas day for various reasons including when pregnant. I'd swap your "alone" for actually being alone. Your still seeing family just not on the day. Make the most of it. At least you have another person to talk to and a family get together to look forward to.

Get a grip. Be thankful that you have each other and make an effort for it not to be just a normal day. You are not your childrens' responsibilty. Retired here too. Merry Christmas

They went to Tenerife

We had a very small christmas with just my exdh, ds and dd3 and had christmas dinner with my parents. It did feel a bit strange as it was the first christmas without db, who died this year or dd1 who spent it with her in laws but it was still lovely. Dd1, her dh and dd are coming today until Sunday and dd2, her dh and ds are coming on Saturday as they are currently hosting her in laws so we will celebrate again - it's also dd3's birthday. Next year we will have everyone for christmas. It does change once dc are grown up. Enjoy Tenerife

I am the kids in this situation. Moved out of home 20years ago and since then have constantly travelled back and forth for Christmas. I’m at the point now where I just want it in my own house and to wake up in my own bed. Alright they said yes in August, that was 4 months ago. I think sometimes parents forget about juggling work, families and other commitments when their children get to that age.

I’m at the point now where I just want it in my own house and to wake up in my own bed.

This is how I feel about Christmas @Vse500 Luckily I personally have no family pressures so I get to do this, but between us we have five kids and as they get older in life I am really aware not to put pressures on them. I'd like to see them over Christmas but it's not important to me when - I'd prefer them to spend their time as they please.

I’m at the point now where I just want it in my own house and to wake up in my own bed.

I too completely agree.
My children really didn't want to be torn away from new toys on christmas day, and I too wanted to spend it in my own home. Family visitors have always been welcome, but I don't budge on christmas day.

Your updates are the loveliest I have seen on mn! You took interest in responses and then made a fabulous decision. I hope you had a wonderful time x

UPDATE
Tenerife exceeded are expectations.
Christmas day itself was strange but we had a lovely meal
sitting outside overlooking the sea.
Made a few friends who were in the same boat.

We had the family get together and I was open about how I felt
but quite understand they can lead their own lives. They were
lovely and happy that we can be together anytime and glad
we enjoyed Tenerife.
Have already decided we will get away next year and carry on
until we are to old to travel.
DD will always be working Christmas week. So couldn't put the
pressure on DS to host every year.

That sounds like an amazing break OP, so glad you had a wonderful Christmas!