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Original poster

DH has brought a kitten home, I’m so upset 🙁

270 replies

Queenofheart · 18/12/2024 07:36

All my life, I’ve never been a fan of cats.

Ever since we’ve been together, my DH has mithered for Cats, finally wore me down and a few months later we had two tiny kittens. They are indoor cats.

We’ve had them two years and I love them. The female follows me around everywhere, the minute I sit down or go to bed, she snuggles up to me, she’s never far from me. The male is very much like that with my SS. All good.

My DH has been mithering about getting another one, he’s on all these bloody Facebook websites and constantly showing me pictures and I am constantly saying no no no, so is my SS … I don’t want my two to be or feel pushed out.

Well, last night I got home and he’s brought a new kitten home. I’m absolutely devastated. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely beautiful, but my poor two cats have not been near me. They seem scared, run away, even though she is tiny, they are hissing. I picked up the female to cuddle her and she growled at my DH when he tried to stroke her , never in two years have I heard her do that? I’m absolutely gutted.

I’ve been really upset this morning and told my DH that it’s unacceptable what he’s done. He’s ruined the run-up to Christmas for me because I’m now upset for my two cats, who are hiding away, dramatic I know , but I’m really really pissed off with him. I now have to go to work and leave the three of them together in the house 😒

Has anybody been through this? Does it get better? 🙁

OP posts:
fivebyfivebuffy · 18/12/2024 07:38

It does get better
My neighbour had 2 cats, when one died she brought home 2 kittens
The solo cat basically spent a month glaring at them and swatting every time one came close to her
They're best friends now but she will still give them a bap if they're annoying her!

No comment on him bringing one home though without asking

Zonder · 18/12/2024 07:39

Really horrible of him to do this when you've been really against it. Cats are territorial and they will be upset at sharing their territory. He didn't think of them. Maybe he's jealous that neither cat favours him.

Original poster
Queenofheart · 18/12/2024 07:39

fivebyfivebuffy · 18/12/2024 07:38

It does get better
My neighbour had 2 cats, when one died she brought home 2 kittens
The solo cat basically spent a month glaring at them and swatting every time one came close to her
They're best friends now but she will still give them a bap if they're annoying her!

No comment on him bringing one home though without asking

Thank you, he keeps saying that it does get better but in the meantime my poor cats are really upset and so am I and I’ve got to put up with this all through bloody Christmas when I wanted to just have a lovely time

Yes … his behaviour is another story! 🤬

OP posts:
MyGladBiscuit · 18/12/2024 07:40

any children op?

FamilyPhoto · 18/12/2024 07:41

Bringing any animal into the home just before Christmas is madness.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/12/2024 07:42

Unacceptable to ambush you with a new pet.

MyGladBiscuit · 18/12/2024 07:44

Queenofheart · 18/12/2024 07:39

Thank you, he keeps saying that it does get better but in the meantime my poor cats are really upset and so am I and I’ve got to put up with this all through bloody Christmas when I wanted to just have a lovely time

Yes … his behaviour is another story! 🤬

Show quote history

but you were never going to have “a lovely time” married to someone like this

Gettingbysomehow · 18/12/2024 07:44

For God's sake, I love cats but I'd be livid if a partner kept bringing new ones home. Three cats is a lot harder than two and IMO too many for an indoor cat area.
They will get used to each other, they always work it out in the end especially kittens but that's not the point. The point is he didn't bother to ask you.
How would he feel if you kept filling the house with random dogs or children?

Beezknees · 18/12/2024 07:45

I don't like cats and would not want one in my house, I'd be fuming in your shoes. Really unacceptable from him.

Clearinguptheclutter · 18/12/2024 07:48

I’d be fuming

any chance of rehoming the kitten?

Chroomy · 18/12/2024 07:52

FamilyPhoto · 18/12/2024 07:41

Bringing any animal into the home just before Christmas is madness.

Whys it madness? Not everyone has a home alone style Christmas

We won't have any visitors or visit anyone. We're at home for 2 weeks with the (teenage) kids.
Apart from the stress off cooking Christmas dinner it's thw most relaxed and quiet time of the year for us. Would be perfect for settling in a new pet (If Agreed by everyone, not OPs situation)

Shezlong · 18/12/2024 07:54

I'm a massive cat lover but it's totally unacceptable for one person to unilaterally decide on a new pet and foist it on the rest of the house without agreement. Added to that, if you are introducing a new cat to established ones, it needs to be done slowly and carefully - the new cat should be confined to one room away from the others and you do a process of scent-swapping which can take days or weeks to give the best chance of a successful introduction. So he's unreasonable for that as well!

Loopytiles · 18/12/2024 07:54

He doesn’t respect you.

UndeniablyGenX · 18/12/2024 07:57

He needs to do proper introductions. You can't just throw a new cat into the mix and expect them all to be pals. There's plenty of advice online but essentially new kitten should be confined to her own room to start with, and use scent swapping to get them all used to one another's smells. Then very gradual, supervised face-to-face time, building this up slowly day by day.

CallItOut · 18/12/2024 08:00

The issue here is the lack of respect for your feelings. A decent partner would not do this.

TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 18/12/2024 08:03

I adore cats, but I would be as mad as hell if DH came home with a random kitten. The only exception would be if he was literally saving its life.

TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 18/12/2024 08:05

UndeniablyGenX · 18/12/2024 07:57

He needs to do proper introductions. You can't just throw a new cat into the mix and expect them all to be pals. There's plenty of advice online but essentially new kitten should be confined to her own room to start with, and use scent swapping to get them all used to one another's smells. Then very gradual, supervised face-to-face time, building this up slowly day by day.

Friends did this. They lost a cat and the remaining one needed a friend. They had about 3 weeks of new cat in one room. Swapping over cushions from her room and the rest of the house. Then sitting either side of the door. Very very slowly and gentle. Now they are best friends but it took time and a lot of effort.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 18/12/2024 08:05

It is particularly difficult to introduce a new cat into a household with established indoor cats. Indoor cats cannot take themselves outside when the new kitten makes them anxious (and indoor cats are more prone to anxiety because their world is small). It is perfectly possible that bringing a new kitten home could cause an established pair to fall out with each other (even if they are siblings who have always got along). I'm sorry to cause you more worry but he really ought to take the kitten back. If he absolutely won't, the introduction process needs to be very gradual (like literally days/weeks).
Also, if he won't then you have a serious DH problem. He is so entitled he thinks his feelings are more important then everyone else's. He has no respect for you and he is also a bit thick. This was clearly a complicated process which needed thought and planning and agreement/commitment from everyone and he has just done it on a whim.
I would tell you to insist that he manage the high maintenance process of introducing indoor cats to a newcomer but let's face it, he is clearly too thoughtless and irresponsible and would probably bung them in a room together to fight it out.

TiramisuCheesecake · 18/12/2024 08:07

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Lumirubin · 18/12/2024 08:11

It's really unpleasant when cats don't get on or get stressed. Different scenario but one of mine has never really adapted to DD (who is now 3!) and he's had some bullying from a local stray. The two things combined have sent him off the rails and he sprays and wees in the house. It's been a long battle of trying to change his behaviours and he's on quite alot of anti-anxiety meds now and he's slightly better (still anxious but not weeing in the house). Cats temperaments are not to be taken lightly, they are very sensitive and just randomly introducing a kitten at what can already be a stressful time of year isn't ideal! I just hope for your sake your other two don't start territory marking because it absolutely ruins your home and affects your relationship with existing cats

pointswinprizes · 18/12/2024 08:14

I’m sorry OP but I had to chuckle at the idea of 2 grown cats hiding from a kitten 😂
But yes I agree it’s a bad idea and the kitten should probably be rehomed.

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 18/12/2024 08:15

I knew a woman who got two cats and they hated each other. They started a territorial shitting war against each other and, in her words, were trying to 'shit each other out of existence'. Never seen anything like it. In the end she had to get rid of one of them.

WhereAreWeNow · 18/12/2024 08:15

The issue for me here is that it's a big decision to get a new pet. It should be a whole family decision, not just your DH doing whatever he wants without discussing it first.

Ginandpanic · 18/12/2024 08:16

It’s really unfair on the cats. It will get better but it’s well known that other cats in their territory is the biggest cause of stress for cats. So he’s totally selfish, and disrespectful.
poor kitten, brought in to this situation and just before Christmas. I’d be furious.

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