DH has brought a kitten home, I’m so upset 🙁

[Queenofheart]

All my life, I’ve never been a fan of cats.

Ever since we’ve been together, my DH has mithered for Cats, finally wore me down and a few months later we had two tiny kittens. They are indoor cats.

We’ve had them two years and I love them. The female follows me around everywhere, the minute I sit down or go to bed, she snuggles up to me, she’s never far from me. The male is very much like that with my SS. All good.

My DH has been mithering about getting another one, he’s on all these bloody Facebook websites and constantly showing me pictures and I am constantly saying no no no, so is my SS … I don’t want my two to be or feel pushed out.

Well, last night I got home and he’s brought a new kitten home. I’m absolutely devastated. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely beautiful, but my poor two cats have not been near me. They seem scared, run away, even though she is tiny, they are hissing. I picked up the female to cuddle her and she growled at my DH when he tried to stroke her , never in two years have I heard her do that? I’m absolutely gutted.

I’ve been really upset this morning and told my DH that it’s unacceptable what he’s done. He’s ruined the run-up to Christmas for me because I’m now upset for my two cats, who are hiding away, dramatic I know , but I’m really really pissed off with him. I now have to go to work and leave the three of them together in the house 😒

Has anybody been through this? Does it get better? 🙁

You're being insanely unreasonable, the cats will get used to it, it takes a few days, cats are the easiest ever pet. I'd have a dozen cats if I could....

The cats will behave like this at the beginning and it should settle down within a few days. I recently introduced a 4th kitten to my group of three and it was fine within a week. (Hissing and spitting at first) but it was very well thought out, discussed with everyone involved and we thought about the personality of the cats and the personality of the kitten and whether they would match up.
It is absolutely not on for your DH to bring a kitten home without discussion with and agreement of everyone in the household and also just to choose a random kitten without thinking aout the temperaments of the current cats.
And then it seems like he has waltzed off and isn't doing the things needed to make the integration smooth - it's you who is on here asking about it and you who is worrying about having left a door open rather than keeping the kitten in one room.
I would be really really annoyed if it was me and I absolutely adore cats.
I don't know if I'd return the kitten though, maybe see how it goes over a week or so but he should be the one dealing with the settling in process.

Thank you for this.

I must admit after getting the first two I have change my opinon of cats and love them. Never had them before and alway thought they weren't loyal.

I've calmed down a bit now. I sent him a lot of your comments and he said if I feel like that he will get rid of her, but I feel awful now, it's not her fault I've got a knob of a DH!

what are you going to do about your marriage?

I sent him a lot of your comments and he said if I feel like that he will get rid of her, but I feel awful now, it's not her fault I've got a knob of a DH!

will get rid of her is so manipulative. This is a horrible way to go on - to get another cat without discussing it with you first, like your opinion doesn't count - then using emotive language to make you feel bad, like you're the one behaving disrespectfully and thoughtlessly (towards the cats).

They might not ever accept the newcomer and she would have to live her life being bullied (which cats can do without humans being aware of it), they are animals which use dominance to keep other household cats submissive to them. It's not always happy families and best buddies.

I would be livid that he has planned and done this and livid that he is trying to make you the baddie in this scenario.

It isn’t a great time for a new pet, no. And he shouldn’t have done it without a discussion first, obvs. But it’s not the end of the world - it’s highly likely the cats will come round, they just need a bit of time to adjust. (I have had many cats and kittens and introduced many into the family over the years and with time and patience it’s always worked out fine).

Can you get some Feliway? It can really help in situations like this. And keeping the kitten separate for a while. But I think it is a problem to have said no to your DH and him doing it anyway.

This is bound through be the reason.
But cats ( and dogs) choose their people.

We had a lovely Whippet boy who within minutes Of arriving decided son was to be his human-
I barely got a look in!

We have a 2 year old cat. Just got 2 kittens and the first week there was hissing, hiding and glaring. They now play all together, sleep and eat together. They play fight. Older one is a bit too rough and a lot bigger so sometimes I have to cut it short. But it does get better r

Try feeding them all together at the same time

Cat proofed gardens are not indoors.

He's a complete twat to do this when you have said you are against it.

I'd ask him to rehome the kitten asap.

Idiot. Xmas is the worst time to introduce a new pet to a household.

It is well known that indoor only cats are stressed, anxious and bored.

My cats are classed as indoor cats by vet and insurance. You have your opinion and I have mine. Maybe if you picked up as many dead cats as I do then you wouldn’t be so against keeping cats safe. I have had to break little kids hearts one too many times to ever let my cats be ‘outdoor’ cats.

This was so immature of him to do. I feel very sorry for all 3 cats, and for you bearing the guilt of the new one settling in.

Total rubbish

I'd be absolutely furious.
He's got the two cats that he wanted, even though you were not keen. Bringing home another is a total piss take and really selfish.
I'm sure the other cats will eventually settle (although that's not a given, some never do from experience) however I'd be asking him to rehome.

You can say no.

A well known vet ( written many cat and dog books for pet owners ) had a completely cat proofed garden- He had 6 cats at one time and being a vet clearly knew the dangers of roads to cats and dogs.
His garden ( Nice area of London) was completely cat proofed So they couldn’t get out- or other cats get in.

Then you need to re home the kitten. Otherwise you risk your older cats being very unhappy and stressed, which may be hard to undo. It’s really not fair on them and I know you don’t want to upset your existing cats

DH did this to us as well. He's wanted a cat for a long time, but none of the rest of us did, and I assumed it was all forgotten. But he brought a kitten home a few months ago, completely unannounced, and my eldest son in particular was very upset. I was too in that I knew for a fact it would upset him, but that his dad went ahead and did it anyway. The thing is, I love the bloody thing now, despite a nasty dose of diarrhoea last week when I was also ill and it was the last thing I needed. The mess and the smell 😨Youngest also loves him, so I am in a difficult position where I can't ask DH to rehome this cat now as DS13 wouldn't want that, however DS17 is just having to put up with it. We haven't put our Christmas tree up and I know this is making him sad, on top of other teenage problems. It's just all wrong, DH should never have done it. Neither should yours. But what the solution is, I have no idea, sorry OP.

I sent him a lot of your comments and he said if I feel like that he will get rid of her, but I feel awful now, it's not her fault I've got a knob of a DH!

Of course you feel awful, OP, you're supposed to! He's being extremely manipulative. He foisted this animal on you against your wishes and now he's put you in a no-win situation.

If you say "yes, I want you to re-home the kitten" then you're the bad guy who turned away a poor defenceless animal at Christmas but if you say "no don't do that, let's keep her" then he gets his way and you can't complain about the distress to your two cats and effort required to settle her in as "you agreed to it"!

What a prick.

Don't be tiresome. Quite obviously the poster means 'live safely and not have to risk roads'.

your DH has seen all that you’ve called him too?!

Bloody hell…. this is going to be an awful christmas for you op

unless you make the leap before?!

I couldn't let someone rehome a cat in this situation. But you need a proper, grown-up talk with your DH. He needs to pack in the emotive, guilt-tripping language and to understand a) why you're annoyed about it and b) that he will be the one responsible for this new cat. And, obviously, why it's not acceptable to go against what he knows are your wishes.

No reputable rescue would rehome a cat in that situation. Not without a home check and assurance that everyone in the family was happy to have the kitten.