DH has brought a kitten home, I’m so upset 🙁

[Queenofheart]

All my life, I’ve never been a fan of cats.

Ever since we’ve been together, my DH has mithered for Cats, finally wore me down and a few months later we had two tiny kittens. They are indoor cats.

We’ve had them two years and I love them. The female follows me around everywhere, the minute I sit down or go to bed, she snuggles up to me, she’s never far from me. The male is very much like that with my SS. All good.

My DH has been mithering about getting another one, he’s on all these bloody Facebook websites and constantly showing me pictures and I am constantly saying no no no, so is my SS … I don’t want my two to be or feel pushed out.

Well, last night I got home and he’s brought a new kitten home. I’m absolutely devastated. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely beautiful, but my poor two cats have not been near me. They seem scared, run away, even though she is tiny, they are hissing. I picked up the female to cuddle her and she growled at my DH when he tried to stroke her , never in two years have I heard her do that? I’m absolutely gutted.

I’ve been really upset this morning and told my DH that it’s unacceptable what he’s done. He’s ruined the run-up to Christmas for me because I’m now upset for my two cats, who are hiding away, dramatic I know , but I’m really really pissed off with him. I now have to go to work and leave the three of them together in the house 😒

Has anybody been through this? Does it get better? 🙁

Id be raging at him, and i love cats!

Is he always so selfish?

You can’t abandon a kitten in a house with two adult cats. They might kill it someone needs to go home and sort this out asap. Please rehome. This is not a good setup

What a selfish, irresponsible twat.

He has ignored your feelings, taken it upon himself to bring home an animal you were very clear you don't want, and isn't even prepared to put in the work necessary to settle the poor creature in properly and avoid stress to your existing pets?

Not only has he shown a complete disregard for your feelings and opinions, he has also shown a lack of care and respect for these poor animals.

Due to his selfishness you are now in a very difficult situation, OP. You either tell him he needs to re-home the new kitten, which will of course come with feelings of guilt OR you are obliged to accept his selfish fuckwittery as a fait acompli and put in the work yourself to ensure the kitten is settled properly. The problem with the latter is there are no consequences for him, so how do you know he won't decide to do this again?

I would really struggle to get past it if my DH did something like this.

Wow I can't believe your DH!? And I am a cat lover!

I also feel I have to point out that cats don't always learn to get on eventually! We have two that have lived together for almost 10 years now and they still aren't friends. They don't properly fight (they're too old) but they still keep their distance and will hiss if the other gets too close.

I don't want to give you false hope, because there is no guarantee it will get better. Cats are complex creatures and can be very territorial. Your two will see themselves as a unit happy to share space, but that doesn't mean they will accept an interloper, and depending on characters and how passive or dominant they are, may continue to withdraw in fear or bully the new arrival. This behaviour could last a lifetime. Your H had been ridiculous. He hasn't taken either your views or the welfare of the cats into consideration, and the best resolve here is if he returns the kitten before it becomes settled. If he won't then you can try to socialise the three together which sometimes will work, but if it doesn't you'll have to allocate seperate spaces or all three will be miserable.

There’s been 3 posts in recent weeks of husbands bringing unwanted kittens home much to the wife and kid’s dismay. What is wrong with these men!

I love my cat, I love cats in general, but if DH brought a kitten home I would be annoyed for my cat. This is his house and garden and I dont think he would want to share with another cat. Its not fair.

How long until he adds another cat, or throws a dog into the mix? He sounds very irresponsible.
The cats will get used to each other, the established ones are just renegotiating their territory at the moment. Your husband is another matter.

2 cats is plenty. More than 2 is a cat house

This. he needs to return the kitten today. He doesn't get to decide like this. It's totally unacceptable. He already defied you over getting the two you have and you have bent to accomodate.

He sounds like one of those sad dickheads that collect animals and the more they get the more they suffer. WTF is he trying to make up for in his life?

Absolutely this. We brought home a kitten about six weeks ago, and have done very slow intros with our other two. It’s only been this week we’ve let the little one out and about without supervision, and all is fine. He gets an occasional wallop from the older cats when he’s being a little shit, but on the whole they play together and it’s lovely. However, I think without the slow intros it would have been an absolute nightmare.

It can absolutely be done and does get better, but the question is do you want to do it? The 3rd cat has changed the cat dynamics in my home (for the better in our situation which was what we were hoping would happen) but it was planned out and spoken about to make sure it would be right for our other two kitties before we did anything

But the main point in all of this: DH and I decided together-he would have been PISSED if I sprung a new kitten on him and rightly so. If you really don’t want the kitten, sending him back might be the kindest thing to do (shelter is another idea, but if you live anywhere like I do, the shelters might not take him at the moment, as they’re all full up)

what has your DH had to say for himself with all of this? And does he actually do any cat care in the first instance?

I am so livid on your behalf. A bit dramatic perhaps but I think it would at least feel like a “it’s me or the cat” situation and take myself off to a hotel at his expense while he makes an alternative arrangement for the poor cat

I would be upset, I love cats and have two myself but personally I think that's enough, it's selfish to your cats to bring another home and to you as you haven't decided this together.

The rescues here will rehome at this time of year if someone’s circumstances are right - eg it’s a brilliant time to have people home for a fortnight with calm plans. We got a set of kittens as they felt it was better to have them with us than in the shelter as no foster homes could have them over Christmas. But we come back to that being a decision for the whole family.

I was wondering how that panned out.

They are selfish arseholes who use God knows which head for thinking....

That's totally unacceptable, everyone needs to be on board before getting a new pet, the way he's completely disregarded your feelings is a really bad sign.

The cats will probably work things out between them but poor things- cats aren't that sociable and won't enjoy a stranger invading their territory.

No, he should have checked this. It's not ypur responsibility.

The fact he planned it is worse . Some people might think "Oh at least it wasn't a random Bloke In The Pub was selling kittens from his car so I bought one " type of kitten purchase .

We have two adult sibling cats well established and settled . Unless one of them brought a kitten through the catflap (and I'd want to know where they found it) or I found one in the gutter or being mistreated , it stays at 2.
And I'm sure everyone else in the house would be delighted with more cats. But the cats themselves would not be.

Personally I do think it's a bit controlling to refuse to allow your husband his kitten. Obviously I'm in a minority but surely he has an equal right to have something in the house for him........

Nope it is like having another child having another pet is a joint decision and not having overules having in these instances. Because equal rights cannot be had when one wants and another doesnt

plus like any further addition to the family works needs to be done and the OP makes it clear he won’t do the work and will expect her too

she has already compromised on 2 cats she doesn’t need to a 3rd

It's not about having something in the house for himself, which I absolutely agree with.
It's about the disrespect and lack of communication, taking for granted the OP will just get on with it, after she categorically said NO.

Why? So peeps living in flats shouldn't have a cat by your reasoning, may not a dog either.
Cats roam, they get into fights, find 'new' homes, go missing and sometimes are injured or killed in road accidents.
OP is doing the right thing with hers but it's her husband who is being a complete knob. I'd keep the cats and get rid of him.

Please everyone…never rehome a pet at Christmas!

My friend works at RSPCA as a receptionist, she hates it boxing day onwards because of the number of animals that are literally dumped outside the building, tied up, boxed up [small animals and cats/kittens, or just dogs wandering around.