To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

I’d take him.

I’d just take him myself.

Your DH is being utterly ridiculous. There are some negatives around football culture, granted, but it’s a great team sport and a good way for kids to meet other kids, socialise, etc.

It is one thing to dislike football intensely. It is quite another to forbid your child from liking football.

I think it’s a difficult sport to like if your experience of if growing up was the association with hooliganism, violence, drinking too much, swearing at the ref etc - which it sounds like his was. I’d not stop DS playing football if he really wants to, but I’d definitely have some sympathy with DH’s position if he thinks his son is going to end up just like the people he found threatening growing up.

Yes he is being ridiculous

It's one thing to have an opinion but unfair to force his views on DS

I don't think you're unreasonable.

Just because he doesn't like football doesn't mean your child should miss out. He's his own person with his own interests.

Also worth reminding him that it's a preschool football class it's not a gateway into him being a yob, downing pints at the pub and shouting at the TV. If he can't see that then he probably needs to speak to a professional about his issues.

Is your DH Scottish? Is this a Rangers/Celtic thing? If yes, I agree with your DH.

I'd recommend some counselling for your DH, so that he can find a happy middle ground between not liking the experience he grew up with and forbidding his son from doing something he'd enjoy.

I think this is absolutely where his hatred stems from, he associates football with drunk hooligans and aggressiveness. It's not his parents but his wider family.

I’m torn, he’s being ridiculous, it could be great for your son but saying that if eg dh came home and wanted my son to do a sport I hated the culture around I’d be going mad if he took him

I am not a fan of football and wouldn't have encouraged my DC to do it but they didn't show any interest so it wasn't a difficult decision - I think what your DC really enjoyed is most important so I would let him try it. The only thing is I guess it will always be you taking him. If you found something multi sport then DC would still get all the benefits of sport and DH be on board

Realistically most young boys play football he’ll end up ostracised by his peers at school realistically if he’s not allowed to play. I’d just take him. Your dh is being silly

If there's one sure fire way to make sure your child grows up wanting to do something, it's by behaving like your berk of a husband.

DH is U to seek to stop DS playing football. Not U not to take him to places with drunk, aggressive men in packs!

What does your DH think he's going to do once your ds is in school?
By then your ds will be playing football at lunch time, doing football in PE, going to the park with friends when he's older and playing football.
Unless he doesn't like it of course.

The more you ban something, especially unreasonably ban it, chances are the more D's will want to do it.

My dd worked in a sports bar at uni and always said how she thought the football fans (mainly uni students) were so sweet!
Rhey were always so excited, turned up in their team shirts, were engrossed for the game then back to normal socialising after.

Most people that play football do not end up being hooligans!

I think H will probably comment on this, the fact DS hasn't actually asked to go. It's just something I think he would like.

Hes tried a couple of other things like martial arts for example and he just didn't want to join in at all.

He's being unreasonable forbidding his DS from going but you'd be unreasonable taking DS to something your DH has made it clear he doesn't want DS to do.

I think you'd need to discuss it openly and calmly with DH and see if you can convince him. Rather than going behind his back. That won't end well when DH realises.

If you grow up surrounded by all the negative bits of a thing, it's understandable to want to protect your kids from it all. It's not necessarily completely rational, but it is understandable.

I think you are being very unpleasant here. Your husband has a particular dislike of one sport, based on a whole load of horrible and marking experiences growing up. Your 4 y/o quite liked one session of it. So what? There are hundreds of other clubs out there that he might like too - take him to one of those to find another that he likes. I just don't believe that he will ONLY ever like football, and to deliberately pick it against your husband's wishes is actually quite nasty.

Yep I agree with @ComtesseDeSpair
If you haven’t experienced the negatives of football culture it can seem ridiculous but if, as a child, the adults who are supposed to make you feel safe are becoming aggressive and drunk and if their moods switch depending on a football result this can cause real trauma. I say this as someone who made sure I was in bed when my dad got home from the pub after the game regardless of the result, drunk and self righteous isn’t much better than drunk and belligerent. Can you talk to him and validate his feelings around this whilst also explaining all the positives for your son

I'd try and help him to see the difference between kids playing a team sport and the stuff he witnessed growing up. I have three nephews, all exposed to lots of sorts- two are football loving and one completely indifferent and prefers rugby. Perhaps take your son to a few team sports rather than let the focus be on football?

Yes take him but also maybe be slightly gentler on your husband here - there’s obviously deep rooted unease around the sport for the reasons you listed, including alcohol and anger that obviously upset him as a kid. He’s allowed to feel that way because the reality is that it isn’t about football, it’s about the culture in his family when they experience the sport. He needs help understanding that his family now, with you, can experience that differently with your son. Simply dismissing it as silly is a bit unfair on him and will likely result in him doubling down on his stance.

Imposing his objection to football on his DS would make your DH not much better than the family who imposed their love of it on him. Playing the game is a separate activity to going to a match.

Understandable but op you don't have to pander to DH's anxiety and fears around it.
He needs to learn to manage his anxiety and see that there is a whole range of football experiences available!

I wouldn't say I'm going out of my way to deliberately pick it. In fact, as I say, we have tried other sports before, specifically because I didn't want to try football.

But seeing my son during this session I am wondering if it is something that could potentially bring him out of his (very shy) shell and I don't see why DS should be prevented from trying something he MIGHT enjoy and MIGHT help his confidence, because of his dad's opinions.

I'm not purposefully choosing football to spite DH, I just think our child may benefit from giving it a go.