To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

I’m not a fan of football or the culture that surrounds it either - but it’s ubiquitous! Your son will play at school. He
will likely want to kick around with friends in the park. I think your DH needs to separate the activity from the professional sport and all that goes with that and let your son do something that he would enjoy.

Of course. The man's reaction to it is pretty extreme, but it's coming from a good place.

OP needs to work with him to enable the kid to play football as well as dealing with DH's understandable concerns and what sounds like unresolved childhood trauma.

I think you need to talk to him more , football particulary for boys is such a social activity and kids play together in school, the streets, on holiday and can be great for kids growing up together and keeping fit if they enjoy it , it’s not the same as adults football .

To be honest, I think YABU. There are plenty of other hobbies to introduce a toddler to. Why not find one that your husband does not find (for want of a better word) triggering? It’s important to him. And to be honest, there is a version of footy culture even in primary school. Not a toxic version at all but definitely a version of it that is related to adult football fandom. So I don’t agree he is being ridiculous.

I go to football .. I don’t drink, or swear, when I’m there. There’s no fighting where I am - I think in the 20 years I’ve been going to this stadium, I’ve seen 1 fight. Never heard a racist shout out to.. it wouldn’t be tolerated.

Not every football supporter is a stereotype

You can’t stop kids playing football . they will play at school, in the park etc .

By way of analogy I have a friend who doesn’t want to send her DD to ballet because of concerns about eating disorders/focus on appearance in later more serious training. I send my 5 year old to ballet. But I think my friend’s concerns are totally valid. She doesn’t like something that is part of that hobby’s culture, even if it’s not part of what the child would immediately experience. I’d be very disapproving if her husband overruled her and send her daughter to ballet despite her objections.

Saturday morning kids class is far away from joining a team. They are usually structured and fun. If dhnis really against it try rugby tots or basket ball

I have the same opinion as your dh. I think a lot of people take football way too seriously and at their own detriment sometimes, it's ridiculous.

However if my children wanted to do football then I wouldn't stop them and I'd try to encourage a more healthy approach to it. One of mine does football lessons and we're seeing how it goes for now. He has to realise that it's his problem not his child's.

He needs to get over himself

Look, I actually agree with your husband and personally find football culture repugnant. Misogyny and violence are entrenched in it.

However, I wouldn't stop my child doing something they enjoyed. At a school level, it has a lot of benefits and to kids is just a fun team sport.

I find region idiotic as an Atheist and feel very strongly that religion is harmful, but equally wouldn't force my view on a child.

I was going to say the same thing.
My eldest was never into football, however at school, the majority of boys played football. Therefore leaving him with a very small friendship group. Most of who he didn't actually get on with.
Rightly or wrongly I'd always encourage my kids to at least know enough to be able to have a decent kick around.

My DH also loathes football for all the same reasons. I don't care for it. We share responsibility for taking our two football mad DC to weekly training and matches because that what you do when you have kids - your own taste in activities is irrelevant.

I absolutely detest everything about football, but even I think he’s being a bit ridiculous.

YANBU but then I’m a huge football fan and DS has gone to little football ‘classes’ since he was 18 months. I can’t wait to take him to his first game.

Disliking football is one thing but forbidding it is just ridiculous.

Also worth reminding him that it's a preschool football class it's not a gateway into him being a yob, downing pints at the pub and shouting at the TV.

True for now - but it starts somewhere, doesn't it?

It's by no means all older lads and men who love football, but there's a huge culture in this country based around identifying as a football fan, almost as a religion, and all of the negative behaviours that seem to go hand in hand with it so often.

Personally, I'm not a fan of any sport - I find it dull and uninteresting as a concept - but just about every other sport seems to have the vast majority of fans and players acting respectfully, measured, not yobbish and not basing their entire personality around it. Sadly, the same cannot be said for football.

I hate football. I hate the culture, everything that goes with it. Kids football is even worst, with pushy competitive parents who haven't kicked a ball in their life but try to leave their dream through their kids. It's awful.

That said

football is VERY popular with kids, especially boys. Knowing the basics and how to kick a ball is a good social skill, it really is. I know posters will jump saying it's not true for their precious boy, but in real life, it does help kids to be involved A LOT.

So if your kid wants to play, good grief, let him. His dad shouldn't be selfish.

Even more importantly, if a child shows interest in a reasonable sport LET HIM! (If it was base jumping, your husband would have a point). Sport is so important! The competitive spirit in teams by players who are actually mediocre is depressing, but that's life.

Remind your husband it's not about him, it's about his child, who has his own personality and interest. Your husband and yourself will make sure he's not raised in the family of embarrassing hooligans.

It's one thing for a kid to not partake in football because it doesn't interest him, but another thing to actually ban him from doing it when he wants to. When he's at school and his mates want to have a kick around at breaktime (and I used to work in a primary and know what a big thing it is for many boys - not being sexist, it's just what I observed) is he supposed to say, no thank you, I'm not allowed to play football?
Your DH is being way OTT.

My son was severely bullied all through school. It was started by a male school teacher when my son was about six and was the only boy in the class who did not play football and wasn't particularly interested. His father was also not into it so I suppose that's why. The teacher started it by ridiculing my son in class in front of his classmates and this continued all through secondary school, for seemingly unrelated things, but I feel this was down to that teacher in primary school making my son "different" to everyone else.
Playing football as a small boy may be the ONLY thing he has in common with his peers and will also teach him crisis management.
He definitely should do it.

And this is the problem, the media are not interested in the vast majority, just the few trouble makers. I went for years as a child, only ' violence' I saw was from my Mum who accidentally knocked a copper's hat off, back when they wore tall helmets! He said he would arrest her if our team lost, luckily we won. That was when it was almost all standing and a very average game for 50 000 fans, sardines lived in luxury.
Why did violence morph into college, predictive text makes no sense!

I also loathe football for the same reason as your DH ( my dad was a very angry man and i can't watch any sport as a result of listening to my dad rage about all of it). HOWEVER my DH loves footie and my DS is obsessed with it and plays at academy level. I don't like going to watch him because i find some of the behaviour of parents far too similar to my dad. But my DH is a kind gentle man who never raises his voice and is not one of those parents. Football has been amazing for DS and both DS and DH understand why I don't get involved. Could your DH tolerate it if you did most of the watching?

I can see where your DH is coming from. I hate football, too, on a similar (perhaps less vocal) level as your DH does. Don't like the fans, the violence, the fact domestic violence increases during certain games.

But on the other hand, would I ban it? I don't know. It hasn't come up as DS and DD aren't interested either; they do other sports, though they've both joined in football games with friends and didn't enjoy it. DH also hates it. I asked him what he'd do, and he's equally torn.

Have you asked your DS if he wants to play more? Or asked if he could play 3 sports, one including football, which would he choose? Then go with his answer. If it's football...well, it's his choice then.

I could have written your post. My Dad and my dh are exactly the same. I think you should let him try it, experience it and your dh needs to appreciate and understand that people have different opinions to his, it doesn't mean anyone is in the right or wrong, but the biggest favour your dh could do is teach your ds that even if you don't agree with someone's opinion they are still entitled to them.

THIS

I think YABU given how strongly your DH feels about it and that your DS hasn't actually asked to play. If your DS was actively asking then I'd have a different opinion.

But there is a bit of a collective madness around football games (whether playing or spectating) and it being the be all and end all of life, that most other sports don't have as part of their culture. So whilst I wouldn't stop my kid playing if they wanted to, I certainly wouldn't encourage it if they weren't asking to. They won't escape being exposed to it in a few years, so I'd try to steer them to something else over it if I could!

I have to say I agree with @Tarraleah I hate football. I hate the culture, everything that goes with it. Kids football is even worst, with pushy competitive parents who haven't kicked a ball in their life but try to leave their dream through their kids. It's awful.
That said
football is VERY popular with kids, especially boys. Knowing the basics and how to kick a ball is a good social skill, it really is. I know posters will jump saying it's not true for their precious boy, but in real life, it does help kids to be involved A LOT.

Having said that, football is very different from martial arts, which you said your DS tried but wasn't interested in. Has he tried other ball team sports? Volleyball, basketball, hockey, handball etc? I think, as your DH is so against it, I would exhaust all other choices first. If he's good at sport, he will pick up football when he's at school without too much trouble. Any sport is beneficial at this age, and won't stop him in the future if he decides he wants to play.