To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

Are you in Glasgow by any chance?

Regardless it's just a game when little kids are involved ( I think...) Take him and let it play out (if you'll excuse the pun).

Going to add that my child asked to go although I was reluctant. I grew up with a negative association with football being stuck in pubs until past our bedtime with my mum and her abusive alcoholic partner. For women in abusive relationships the score plays a massive role in whether she's beaten that night or not. So I've steered clear of it since childhood because I don't want my children to experience that. Deep rooted trauma like that needs work.

I with your DH in the hatred of football having grown up in a football obsessed family. However he shouldn't impose that on his child or he's just as bad with his obsession. I took my DS to football twice a week until he thankfully chose to give it up.

I hated F1 growing up, loathed it completely as my step dad made every race weekend all about bloody f1. Same stories being retold all the time and it was SO AWFUL.

my 16yo dd is now obsessed with f1. So much so, she’s gone into engineering and wants to work in f1. I came into a little bit of money and after a very tough year for her I have surprise booked Silverstone for next year. Not just a day ticket but a full 4 day premium grandstand and I’m taking her with her dad and grandad. I know bugger all about f1, artist from the cars go zooon,zzzzzoom, crash, zzZooomz. And I can’t wait. Because it will make her absolute year. And my priority is my daughter and her happiness and dreams. Not my own childish hang ups from my own boring f1 obsessed dad . It’s KILLING ME keeping this secret until Xmas day! And it wasn’t cheap, I could have took her to Disney just me and her instead but that’s not what she wanted.

It's quite a big step (kick?)from toddler football club and being a football hooligan so I agree with you but if your dh feels that strongly then I wouldn't take him, encourage other interests

DH also absolutely hates football, for similar reasons. He was very against our sons playing. Not so much a kick about in the park, but anything official, training with a club for example.

Our youngest decided he wanted to join a club and DH was very against it. I just took him anyway. I also bought him a football strip (country, not club) and he was very annoyed about that and refused to let DS wear it out with him. I told him he was being a complete arse in no uncertain terms. In the end, DS lost interest and became more involved in another sport (thankfully one DH approved of),so it wasn’t an ongoing problem.

I’m afraid if I think DH is wrong about something, I won’t support it if it involves stopping the boys from trying something they are interested in. I would just take your son anyway OP.

I loathe football and even more I hate kids football because it attracts a certain kind of over competitive, aggressive parent.

Having said that as a parent of two quiet very shy, nerdy boys it was probably good for them. It helped them fit in a bit more with the other boys.
Not at 4 though. 7 or 8 is plenty soon enough.

I’d take him if it’s something he ends up loving your partner will need to just get over it.

I grew up in Glasgow seen the negatives of drinking and sectarianism and how football was used to fuel that but I was able to separate the bigotry and violence from the sport ( especially when kids are involved) and didn’t grow up to hate the sport.

I think YANBU. Why not take him and see how he goes and also try out a couple of other ball sports too - tennis or rugby tots? I get your DH's pov but your DS doesn't sound like he's going to turn from a quiet shy 4 year old into a football hooligan! It's a good sport to get reasonable at because they seem to play it in the playground at school and the park as they get older so it almost guarantees he'll have someone to play with at break times and is such an ice breaker. DS never played too much at primary but does at secondary and has a close group of friends who like a casual kick about. I think he would have found friendships easier at primary if he'd been one of the football kids.

DH needs to get over it, he doesn't have to like football but he has to realise not all football fans are hooligans, and aren't obsessed either. DS is only 4 he might end up preferring another sport when he's older, for now it's just going to be a bit of fun for him.

To be fair, having a kick-around with his mates in the playground is different from going to a weekend/evening club.

I have football-obsessed children in my wider family who go to these clubs - they seem to spend a great deal of their time there (several times a week) and are always talking about it.

Luckily, their parents are also big football fans, but I'm so glad that my DS has never shown the remotest interest in football; it would bore me solid!

He's 4 he doesn't need to go to a sport at this age. I think you need to decide is this the hill you want to die on. Your Dh has such strong feelings about this. It's like you're sticking the knife in by going for the sport he hates.

I don’t think his opinion is ridiculous – the football culture in the UK is awful and footballers are shit role models for young boys.

I have three teen ds. Football is huge in school especially primary school. The majority of boys by ks2 will be playing at lunchtime in the playground. Then there is school football team, local football team, PE, football cards, talking about professional football matches, world cups, fantasy teams, football parties. It is huge in most boys lives whether your dh likes it or not.

I voted yabu because I think your husband has a bit of a point and you shouldn't just say I don't care what you say our son is doing football. I think it needs working through because your son is going to get older and want to do what his mates do so it does need sorting but not by thinking his POV is ridiculous and just taking your child regardless. Did you know about his issue before you married him and had a child?

No I wouldn't organise this and I’d have a lot of sympathy with your DH if you did.

How would you feel if you had made your feelings about something crystal clear and then your DH went and did the opposite with no regard for your feelings. Like other people have said, there’s plenty of other sports out there and your DS hasn’t even raised this!

This. Your DH does need to realise that DS will play football at school. He’ll need football boots in secondary school. There will probably be other football parties.

I’m not sure I would take DS aged 4 to a club if he hadn’t actually said he wants to go - but DH does need to think about the possibility of DS wanting to join a team if his mates are in one when he’s 6/7/8.

Is he really prepared to ban him from doing it?

That is absolutely appalling. Was this a number of years ago? Did you raise it with the school?

Bullying from the other kids should have been stamped down on by them; but their own adult employee being one of the worst culprits??

This. If your son wants to join in with the other boys (and many of the girls) he's going to be kicking a ball around. Your dh won't be able to stop him!

Agree with this, and this is another reason I hate it. Macho men running around, cheating on wives, showing off. It exacerbates drinking culture and "lad behaviour". I've seen even the quietest men turn into absolute neanderthals when watching the match.

I hate football and everything your dh says is spot on. I find people whose personality is only football boring and avoid them.

But if my dc wanted to join football that's fine. They are their own people and as parents we support them finding themselves and help them learn appropriate behaviours.

I fact one dc did ask to do football so I took her along- she wasn't a fan but I'd have found her a team if she wanted to. I would want to choose any teams after the toddler years carefully, the trail session we did I was immediately bombarded by £25 for this, pay £30 for another fundraiser, come to a bunch of social things, parents screaming at each other and dc training (not even a match!). One even commented my dd wasn't very good and they hoped she wasn't playing an upcoming match- she was 7 and at her first ever training!

I think you are being very unpleasant here. Your husband has a particular dislike of one sport, based on a whole load of horrible and marking experiences growing up

Right, her HUSBAND hates it. That’s his problem. Her son might actually love it. Your husband needs to get over himself and stop being selfish!
My DD8 goes to football and absolutely loves it. I’ve never been into football but really enjoy going to watch her play and would never stop her playing based on my own ignorant view point.

I really dislike football too and steered my DS towards rugby, which he still plays at 15. He still plays football at school though and doesn’t have much choice in that for games lessons and also kicks a football about with his mates at lunchtime. If you think your very young DS would enjoy it though, any team sport/exercise is better than no team sport/exercise. He may well do a few sessions and get fed up with it, I think it’s worth a discussion with your DH. It’s very hard for boys to avoid football completely through their school years.

A way to sell it to your husband is to give your very shy little boy some basic skills so he can confidently kick a ball about a playground. It is a way of kids connecting. They run around and make connections. It doesn't mean he is going to be football mad. Neither my husband or I follow any team or football but DS2 joined an after school club in infants run by an amazing lady. Son 2 is particularly good at sport, he really enjoyed it. He also had golf lessons. Later on he did kayaking too, then windsurfing. In juniors he got into Karate. We didn't join a local footie club on the advice of another football keen parent whose boys were very good. She told me I would hate it and parents were horrible on the sidelines. Son got into hockey for a bit. Swimming for a while - fab swimmer but took advice from a pupil I taught re the train8ng commitments. He became a national level competitor at a particular form of gymnastics. So, a bit of toddler football now is not going to turn him into some drunken yob but likely to give him skills and social in with his peer group.

Have you pointed out to your husband two things?

One, playing a sport is vastly different to watching it. Playing it requires commitment and dedication, it fosters teamwork and fitness. Watching it simply requires a TV, an arse and a sofa to put it on.

Second, he is absolutely entitled to his feelings, and they are understandable given his past. But, big BUT, your son is entitled to his feelings too and if he enjoys it and wants to keep attending this club after trying it out, his feelings should be respected.