To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

I feel the way your husband does about football.

I was blunt with my children when they were young, I’d not stop them playing at school if they wanted to, but I would not facilitate it in any way whatsoever. I’ve carted my kids to orchestra practices, steel band performances, dance recitals, choirs, D&D clubs, swimming, karate, Lego meets, and chess clubs. I don’t mind helping them live varied social lives, I just won’t engage with football in any way, shape, or form.

There are so many things that your little one could find enjoyable in the next couple of years, I’d swerve the football, because if it sticks you’re likely to screw up available family time for years, and you’ll be on the hook for every single practice session, match, and away game because your husband has made his position incredibly clear from the outset, and it could even massively impact your marriage.

I totally agree with this post.

I agree that OP’s DH may need to put up with his son wishing to play football in the future (casually with friends or otherwise) but that is not what is being proposed by OP. She is actively seeking to go against her husbands long-standing and clear position on his abhorrence of any involvement with football- something she has been fully aware of for a long time. And this action is not being taken because her son is desperate to play football and OP is supporting him- it’s just because she thinks he might like it. It is deeply disrespectful to her DH and in his position I’d be very hurt. It certainly sends a clear message as to how OP views his opinions and role in their co-parenting of their child- bearing this isn’t an indifference or a preference, this is a very strongly held view- namely, that his thoughts are irrelevant if op doesn’t agree. If this is her approach to parenting, I think they could be in for a rocky ride- if both parents can ignore the other and just do what they feel is right, it could get a bit chaotic and I can’t see either party being very happy.

As things stand, their son is not being deprived of anything because he isn’t even old enough to know there is a group to join, let alone ask for it! I suspect he enjoyed running around with his friends, who were also having fun, and for a shy child the semi-organised nature of these sessions means they feel more comfortable as there is direction, so they have to do less initiating and mostly join in. There are any number of team sports that could provide this, not only football.

When he is older, perhaps it is a different story and I can see why you might want to support your son’s wish to play football if he expressed it, but that is not what is going on here.

I suspect it could also be a source of resentment going forward if football does stick (not just because OP dismissed her husbands strongly held opinion as irrelevant because she does not agree with it). He may well not want to have any involvement in this at all- and would be within his rights to set that boundary. He can’t stop OP going against his wishes right now, but he can refuse to take him or have any part in it. Once their son is old enough to make his own decisions about these things, I agree it is unfair to ban him from taking part, but he can state that his boundary is not having anything to do with football- so no taking him to matches/training, for instance. He’s not stopping anyone taking part, but he is not going to play any part in facilitating it or being involved in any way. OP and their son would have to respect his boundary. In that case, OP is going to be left doing all the donkey work, which she will no doubt be resentful of eventually. Is this really worth it, when there are other things he could try now- he isn’t even aware there is a group to join in with at the moment?

I just cannot imagine the dynamic in my household being similar. Say I hated dance classes, HATED them, was forced to do ballet as a child, my mother was a ballet teacher and all she talked about was dance, I hate everything about the culture of dance, the body image issues, the make up they have to wear, and the damage it does to one's feet, the time it takes up on weekends. I can't stand dance, won't even go near a dance recital, hate it.

Is it reasonable to ban my children from ballet classes? No, no it isn't. Because they are not me, those are my issues, they are seperate human beings with their own experiences to have and conclusions to draw and banning them just makes me the next generation of wanker.

Football culture like just about everything in the 70s 80s and 90s he’s changing
Most of the young guys that I know who play football and watch football want to look like footballers i.e. six packs, shiny floppy hair Nice skin complexion, fake tan.
if you look at the likes of Gareth Bale, Phil Foden, they are literally machines pictures of health.

It’s nothing like the big beer belly pie eating racist, sexist, misogynistic twats of years gone by

My whole family is football obsessed so this hasn't come up for us. I think I'd start by doing as a previous poster said and ask your son if he could choose a club to go to, what would he choose. He might say something else, he might not. But at least it hasn't come from you then.
I do think your DH is being a bit ridiculous though. Is he going to ban him doing football for PE in school soon? The teachers will think he's bonkers!
I've been attending live football matches for almost 40 years and I've never witnessed the behaviour he's going on about. Sure there's a bit of swearing etc but I've always felt safe. You may encounter obnoxious parents if your son plays for a club in a children's league, but what you're describing sounds more like a little skills club with no matches. My DS14 attends one of those and he absolutely loves it.

Football training for four year olds = lots of eye / foot coordination which they can pick up in other sports - rugby / gymnastics/ dance etc.

I don't think playground games of football are reliant on children playing football out of school.

I'd go for encouraging him towards another sport and wait till he asks about football.

On bbc sounds there is a podcast called Headliners. One of the episodes is Dawn O'Porter and her recent experiences with her son playing football and how it helped her see more value to it. Suggest you have a listen

My DH hates football. The ethos the culture the politics the elitism. Our DS has been playing it at all levels several times a week for 10 years. DH grumbles about hating it but takes him and watches matches. He’s even starting to get an opinion 😂!
take him it’s great exercise and they need to do something they love.

Are you signing your child up, or your husband? Time for your husband to realise they’re two different people with different interests and it’s nice to allow your children to explore their interests.

Not all football fans are drunken yobs.
Take him, it could be the best thing you'll ever do for him.

I would wait, if he comes home interested in football from playing it at school then address this then. He might like it when he's older or he might not. When you take a toddler to something you are essentially making that choice for them and although I do think your husband would be unreasonable to stop his child playing a sport if they are older and want to. I think it's best for now to find another activity.

He can’t impose his opinions on a four-year-old who wants to play with his mates; he’s ridiculous not you. A Saturday morning game of footie is not going to define the child as a football hooligan for life. Then again, I wouldn’t let my kids watch Grange Hill, so who am I to talk..

Absolutely take your little boy to football.
Your DH will have to put his feelings to one side.
Its only a good thing your little boy wants to join in and be involved this is how he will make friends and grow confidence.
YANBU

Both of my sons who are now 23 & 21 grew up around football played every weekend in their teams , played for their school .
They are NOT loud swearing hooligans ok all of you who are complete snobs regarding football.
They are happy considerate polite young men because they were raised well regardless of the sport they enjoy.
Parents are told at games that if any shouting bad language takes place your not allowed back so let's get it right !

Take DS. If he wants to do football then it's up to him. Your DH is loading his expectations on his DS. Not a good thing.

Your DH is being very narrow minded and judging a huge sport by his limited experience.
My DP is a dedicated follower of our local team, never goes to the pub or drinks, just a nice day out with friends.

@apecial I am the same as your husband to a point. I didn't send my son to football at 3 just because lots of other boys did. I sent him to Enjoy a ball. It was an activity that gave him a taste of a selection of different ball sports, then when he was 8 he wanted to join a local boys football club, and really enjoyed it, but I delegated the Sunday matches to his dad as I have no interest in football at all. It wasn't pleasant sometimes with the aggressive parents on the sidelines. But he enjoyed it.

I can't stand football, but I would never have stopped any of my kids playing it, or being supporters of it. That's just wrong!

This. I can't stand football, yet have two football obsessed kids.
I wouldn't dream of banning them from it though, that's ridiculous.

My nephews both wanted to play football. Their mum( sil) hated it and absolutely refused to bring them although they begged her. Coming from her background she couldn't do it as she hated it. They had everything: rugby, cricket, music, choir, they wanted football.
I remember a conversation when they were early 20s where they both said they would never get over not being allowed to play football. When they came on holidays to us through the years my lads..who were football crazy..and the cousins played football from morning until night and they were good but their mom persisted. Their dad wasn't adamant but let the mom decide. I felt so sorry for them.
I would say try and persuade dh to let him go just for the social side. It's great for mixing in the school yard and at camps etc. Focus on the friendships.
Also l would much prefer football that martial arts but that's my thing.

Playing football as a kid and being a die-hard supporter are two very different things. Football is a big thing in primary school playgrounds and at the very least your DS will almost certainly end up playing it, which means that having some basic skills will be helpful. Your DH can teach him about the negative side of fandom without detracting from the sport.
I completely understand your DH as I have never liked football and witnessed the hooliganism in the 80s, as well as Hillsborough, etc,. My DS has been into football since he was 5 (now 16). I have to say that he's benefitted a lot from playing the sport and is a supporter of a local team, but we have a lot of conversations about the negatives of it, as well as the positives, which exist too. I agree that trying to ban your DS from playing will in all likelihood backfire.

My husband hates football as much as yours. But he wouldn't stop a child playing sport.
He wouldn't want to take them to a big teams match though!

His opinion about football isn't ridiculous (and I like football). But to deny your son the pleasure of football is.

It sounds like possibly your DH has lots of negative associations / possibly traumatic experiences with football culture. He sounds fearful. There are also lots of good sides to football. Fast forward to older years at primary school and high school and not playing football at playtime could mean he is a little less involved in the friends groups who do all play football (of which there are a lot). From my childs experience anyway). So I think for the positive benefits of football if your son is interested to go with that interest and get him involved (better than sitting at home gaming which is the other time pull as they age). I would let your DH know about your intentions. You could provide reassurance and maybe put some boundaries in to stop your child from getting involved with the bad side of football culture. There is a difference IMO between playing football as a sport for health and skill benefits and following football culture (tied up in drinking and violence). Maybe chat about the two sides to it and reassure that it is playing it not being involved in the culture. Educating your child as to the downside but promoting the good side would be a good way of dealing with it rather than trying to control what sports he plays. Good luck !

Team sports are really important for child development, but football does bring out the worst behaviours in little boys and your husband is quite right not to want to associate with this thuggery. Try another sport. Cricket, rugby, hockey clubs don't make children misbehave, roll on the ground pretending to be injured, fight or any of the other poor behaviours associated with football.