To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

I get that but it’s really not like that anymore, it’s actually pretty lame now. At a guess it sounds like he probably gets riled up by family members acting out the old rituals, but that stuff’s decades out of date at this point. Your son likely won’t encounter very much of it, if any – and certainly not at a kids’ soccer club.

I think take him, but also see if you can find a way to get your husband to see it. He might do a complete 180 when he sees what the kids’ clubs are actually like – it’s all drills and inclusion, and tippy-tappy skills practice. It’s kind of unrecognisable from what football was like when we were young, and it amazes me slightly that people don’t seem to know this.

There is a massive difference between:

• adults watching football, drinking and getting tribal about the results, which can all be very unpleasant and
• kids learning to play a team sport with a ball

Learning to play a sport is valuable for life long fitness, learning to play a team sport teaches you to work with others and gives you a whole bunch of more friends. Football is a sport which loads of boys do play everywhere, school, parks .... Your DS at age 4 will not be drinking or swearing, although as soon as there are matches (even only friendlies) some of the parents might.... Deliberately keeping him away might rather exclude him later on .

So I would take him see if he likes it, ask along the lines of "you liked the football the other day, would you like to try that, or rugby or ... (insert random other sports)"
And continue the conversation with DH, maybe he will eventually find he can support the team his own son plays in, in whatever sport?

Do you have rugby around.??? Maybe try both.. and cricket in the summer.. it maybe your son likes team things...

All of this! My life has turned into something that I don't even like. And DH doesn't either so we are constantly bargaining to avoid it.

Your DH has an extreme reaction to this, usually extreme reactions have an extreme underlying cause. I hate football and can’t abide the obsession over grown men running round a field after a bag of air). But it’s not something that takes up my time/stops DH and DS enjoying it. It sounds like there’s something else going on here. Could he have suffered some form of abuse in the context of football, been subject to bullying or ridicule.

Haven’t RTFT but be prepared that a lot (not all) grassroots can be fucking horrible. There is still a lot of shouting and swearing and aggression. I say this as a mother who has been along to two Sunday league games a week (during the season and then all the other tournaments and friendlies over the summer) for over 10 years.

I appreciate your kid isn’t at this stage yet, but worth being prepared for that joy.🤣

If his concern were about safety, then I would say you should give his opinion heavy weight. Given his concern is the culture, I would talk to him about the importance of not constraining our children. It should be possible to find a children’s football club with a healthy, positive culture.

Jude Bellingham doing the wanking motion at the Euros was it for me. I don’t want my son anywhere near a culture where that’s seen as acceptable and all you get is a slap on the wrist.

You do seem awfully keen to promote the one sport your dh can't stand. Your ds is 4, that's very young to be expected to chose a sport. Why not give him a little time to experience the world and ask to do the things he'd like to do - might be sport, might be music or drama or art.

I think it may also depend on how much DH insists on stuff being his way, if it is his way or the highway on a lot of stuff and you give in for the sake or the peace it is a completley different scenario if most stuff with the kids is done your way and DH rarely if ever says no to anything.He might also not want a life around football training not being able to have days out at the weekend as some football event, maybe he finds even watching him play at kid level too triggering especially when you get some badly behaved parent shouting it was a penalty or encouraging diving and faking injury. maybe DH thinks it is a slippery slope that too much time will be taken up with football to the detriment of other things

i think in most cases on MN when it comes to something whether a pet another child a house move etc there needs to be agreement and if one person doesn't want it then it doesn't happen

How ridiculous. Go to a women’s match and it’s nothing like he says! I’d take your son. IME, football is massive social currency for boys at primary and secondary school.

Take him to rugby instead

@apecial He is being utterly ridiculous. The days of hooligans running wild are long gone—well, apart from the Millwall or Fenerbahçe fan, I suppose.

I never had much interest in football. My husband, however, is obsessed with every sport, no matter how random. He suggested we check out a local football match together. I hesitated. Coming from a country where hooliganism is still alive and kicking , football matches aren’t exactly known as family-friendly outings.

But we went for it, sitting in the family stand. I can’t even begin to explain how shocked I was. If you saw us, we’d probably be the last couple you’d expect to see at a football match, but I absolutely loved it.

We popped into the bar inside the stadium for a quick drink, and the whole experience blew me away: families chatting, kids laughing, people coming together like old friends, and Match of the Day flickering on an old, grainy TV in the corner. The stadium itself is a little rough, and the facilities aren’t winning any awards, but the atmosphere? Unbeatable.

So take your son to the football sessions it's the experience worth having! At the end of the day it's a football session for children and not full on derby match.... As for your husband, he's not just being ridiculous—he’s flat-out wrong about the whole hooligans thing 🙈

The chances are that your son, at some point, will want to play football as it’s so ubiquitous.

However at this stage I’m not sure I’d push it if your DH is so anti. All the people saying he’s being ridiculous- I wonder how they’d feel if their DH took their DD to boxing.

In my mind, grown men getting drunk and aggressive about their favourite millionaires scoring goals against other millionaires is an entirely different thing to little boys kicking a ball around with some friends. We are not a football family at all, never been to a match and couldn't name a 'team' that we support. However, two of my kids have played football all through school and into highschool. It's a lovely game for kids. Easy to pick up the basics, not especially expensive to start, teaches teamwork, coordination, fair play, determination, ball skills.

One of my older kids coaches a more niche sport, and she says she can immediately tell which of her beginners have a grounding in football because they already understand the concept of playing strategically as a team from quite a young age.

YANBU Op. Your son is a separate entity to your dh. Somehow your dh needs to appreciate that and not make it all about him!
It’s the first rule of parenthood really!

We've had this exact same problem, only slight difference was DS4 specifically asked if he could join a football club. There's no way I'd have let DH stop him from going, but I have had to accept that I'm in charge of taking him to all his sessions/buying his kit etc.

Do whatever makes your little son happy.
I often wished my youngest was more interested in football in early primary because it seemed to be the main thing they all wanted to do, and every party was a football party but he preferred other sports - so we did those instead.

Your husband is being entirely selfish. Laying down the law based on his own misconceptions. Time has moved on. If he's that worried about his horrible football orientated upbringing, then he can go and get some therapy. But he ought to let your son try out activities he enjoys...
its not like he's going to join a football academy is it... but if he did do that, I bet you'd be very proud of him.

I have no idea where you're based @apecial but it sounds like your son likes team sports rather than individual sports (so didn't like martial arts but does like football).

If you are any where near a GAA club in the UK or Ireland, can I suggest you let him try out for their Gaelic Football team? You don't have to be Irish to play it, it is a fantastic team sport and if he prefers the football aspect of his friends party, this is even better as the players can run while holding the ball too as a form of play in Gaelic!

I dislike football too, but I would not stop my child from doing it if they wanted to. Your DH is being very unreasonable to ban it.

Your H is throwing the baby out with the bathwater here.

Does he refuse to drink alcohol as part of his anti football crusade? Because all that angry macho nonsense is fueled by alcohol, and it has nothing to do with the actual sport.

I feel pretty much the same as your husband does about football but I would still take my son to football if he enjoyed it. I have a 9.5 Yr old son who isn't into football at all - we actually got him signed up to a local kids team to try it and encouraged him as much as possible but he just never enjoyed it. He's one of about 3 boys in his whole class who doesn't play it every break time and I think - rightly or wrongly- it's actually quite difficult to be a boy at school who isn't into it, his social circle has definitely got smaller as more of the boys have become increasingly into it. I didn't relish the thought of my son getting into it and it being part of our lives but wanted him to at least feel able to join in with a casual kick about. So I think you're husband is going to have to put his own opinions aside and let your son try out a hobby that it seems like he'll enjoy.

I agree you need to have a long chat about this bexause at some point the chances are he will want to get into football will find a team to support and spend time playing and talking about it - most of school breaks revolve around it and your son is someone in his own right

that said you don’t need to push it - I found stagecoach and theatre classes amazing for pushing both of mine out of their shyness and a understanding and. Nurturing environment

he needs to accept his son decisions you don’t need to push it without him driving it

I hate football and the culture around it so totally see your DH view but I think we have to let our kids follow their own interests.

Why football, when there are plenty of other sports you can choose from?

It does seem like you want to make an issue of his disdain for football, especially as your son hasn’t even said it’s something he wants to do. His opinion may be ridiculous to you and others, but it’s his opinion, and he’s not going to change it because you think he should. It would be one thing if your son wanted to play, but he doesn’t - so why create conflict (and you know it will)?