To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

Toddler, fine. But the culture around kids' clubs as they get older can be bloody awful and if your son stays into it I don't think it's fair to expect your husband to be involved.

I would take him, if that’s what my child was showing an interest in. Your DH sounds very childish over this.

I would approach it by differentiating between football watchers and playing a sport.

You are not taking DS to a premier league game and exposing him to the crowd you are helping him find a healthy exercise that he likes.

The more fun you have doing a sport the more likely you will do it so point out that you are trying lots of different sports to help DS find his thing.

I completely agree with your DH about the horrors of football. However, unfortunately, boys tend to be socially ostracised if they're not into sports, especially football, so I think it's a good idea to let a boy play if he likes it.

I agree with your husband to an extent. I also hate football. I'm not a big sports fan in general, but the culture around football makes me despise it! My teen joined a local team a few months ago and I've honestly been shocked and by the aggression shown, not just by the hormonal teenage players (that's half understandable), but by parents and coaches! I've been sworn at by children, seen other parents threatened and squared up to, matches called off due to fights kicking off. My son isn't particularly enjoying it, the coach screams at them all match long. He's thinking of quitting and I hope he does.
I think if the day comes that your child really wants to play football, then you should let him. It is such a big part of our culture in this country that he will feel very left out if all his friends are and he's not (which I don't think is right, but it's how it is). And in general, I think if a child finds something they're passionate about, they should be encouraged to do it. But if he isn't particularly enthused, I would let him try out some other sports and see if there's something else he enjoys.

Yanbu, I'd put my foot down at my child doing boxing though so maybe I'm a hypocrite 🤷

I think you need to start by acknowledging your DH's feelings and their validity. Talk with him about how much your son loved the birthday party and what you think he enjoyed - I imagine mostly just running around in a pack. Football is a very accessible activity; can be played by any number of players, almost anywhere, with minimal equipment. There really isn't anything comparable.

It's your responsibility as parents to see that your child has a positive experience of football and not the negative one your DH encountered. You have the ability to shape the experience he has and ensure that it doesn't turn into a yob fest.

As other people have pointed out, forbidding/preventing your kid from doing something is often the most likely way of ensuring that they will carry on doing it. It's better to ensure that experience develops positively than try to forbid it, which will eventually just lead to conflict and resentment in later years if he really likes the sport.

I'd take him, because hobbies are good, and hopefully without his father as a role model, he won't get too into it, but i agree with your dh's views on football

Yes I'd take him. Young children taking part in a healthy team sport has about as much to do with drunken lad culture as toddler ballet does with erotic dancing in a strip club. If your husband can't see that his obsession is preventing him from making rational decisions for his child, you need to step in.

I eleventy billion percent agree with him, but I'd still (and did) allow my child to go to football. It teaches them teamwork, teaches them a skill, gives them structure, they make new friends and it's something for them to look forward to. He's being silly.

I hate football culture. I Iove playing football. They can be totally separate.

Also 90% of football fans aren't dicks.

Could you find a different activity that DS would enjoy and both you and DH could take him to?

If you take DS to football and he gets seriously involved, it will be an ongoing bone of contention between you and DH going forward.

How about artistic gymnastics as an activity? It is an excellent base for all sports (according to the gym coaches of my DS)

If you discuss it with him this is a clear differentiator to make. It's not the people who are actually playing football that are drunk rowdy hooligans. Your son would be playing, not downing 12 pints of Stella in the pub and getting into bar brawls.

YABU to take your son to an activity that your dh disagrees with without discussing it first

Your DH is BU to ban your child from taking part in football related activities for life.

You need to talk to dh and find a compromise about what child can and can't do. And if not football, find a different team sport.

I loathe all aspects of football, playing, culture surrounding it, the industry (DH used to work at a PL club), but although it would be hard to find someone as strong in their detestation of it all, even I freely knowledge DS is a separate individual to me and gets to do things I don’t approve of.

I hate football (not the sport, the culture) but pushed that aside when my son really wanted to do it. 5 years on I hate it even more. The over aggressive culture starts 'young' - my son is 8 and the parents on the sidelines are intense and it's all a lot. And he very much doesn't want to quit, all his friends do it etc etc. I hate it. So while yes the preschool version can be quite cute it quickly becomes something else altogether so unless one of you is enthusiastic it could be a lot of freezing Saturday mornings listening to angry parents yelling at your kid while enjoying none of it.

Plenty of my son's friends' parents 'are' enthusiastic and there's lots of lovely things too but it is really intense and my son isn't even good at it so it's all a bit exhausting. They're moving up to 3x a week already so that's 4 days a week of football training when you add in games.

I'd take him, but also I completely agree with your husband's opinions.

You're not being unreasonable, but he is 4, surely there's a hobby he can do which isn't a huge trigger for your DH.

My husband has some bad memories around Irish dancing, which his older daughter was involved in. We've decided that DD will not do Irish dancing. I don't think choosing a different type of dancing will be that much of an imposition for her.

I agree with this, I grew up it the 80s and remember the out and out violence and so called fans going out just to fight and in some cases kill something in a different shirt.
I lived very close to ha very big football ground and knew full well that I couldn't go out in any even remotely the same colour as the home or away team.

If your dh went through the same kind of thing I can certainly understand his point of view.
That said I don't think he should tar 4yr olds with the same brush as the thugs of yesteryear

I'd take him yes. It's what's best for your DC not DH here.

I play football

I don’t get drunk, fight or swear!

I voted unreasonable as it sounds that it’s been traumatic for him and isn’t just a strong personal preference. Your husband needs to explore this ( without you) and then compromise to allow your child to attend - he needs to learn that football isn’t unhealthy and isn’t necessarily what it was to him growing up.

My adult son has 4 very good friends, and they were all part of the same football team when they were 5!

So it starts with Saturday morning footy tots. Adorable.
But he loves it and next its Monday night training and matches on weekends. And then it's training twice and away matches on the weekend etc etc.

I think you need to go into this eyes open that you're setting yourself up to do every weekday training session, weekend drop offs/pick ups & away games without moaning or expectation on DH until your kid can drive himself about.

I mean he hasn't even asked to go. I'm not sure why I'd start this battle to advocate for footy until there was a need.