To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

I agree with this.

But if he's not very good he'll be ostracised as well, and so will you as parents.

The culture around football is ghastly. I was really pleased when my ds switched to athletics!

If you can find another sport for your ds to get into to, I would.

He sounds like a bit of a tosser.

I took my son to football when he was about 8 and it's one of the best things I ever done for him, he has made countless friends and his confidence has grown. not everyone that likes football has an intense passion for it and behaves like loud lager louts

Yes I'd definitely look into both of those to see if he likes them.

The culture isn't just alcohol - at the youth level it's all about winning at all costs.

The way some of the parents behave is really shocking. I walk past local youth games most Saturdays on the way back from parkrun and they have behaviour stewards there. The kids look about 8! It's hardly a healthy culture.

It's still an unpleasant culture of aggressive competition and exclusion, though. Children at DC's school get shouted at by other boys if they're not good at it in P.E., and it's pretty much sll they talk about, so there's no social inclusion for boys who dislike it.

My DS did football, was fine at 4, around the age of 9 though that toxicity came through. Kids, parents and some coaches full of aggression and nastiness. Football fans won't agree but your DH does have a point. I wouldn't encourage a child into football.

Yanbu to take him......but yabu to dismiss his feelings as silly.

I can guarantee the root cause of this will be the adults drinking and their aggressive behaviour, it's obviously affected him and is actually pretty sad. I myself get extremely anxious around drunk people and it's all rooted from myself as a child being around drunk adults and being confused at how their behaviour changed.

If your dh doesn't have the same negative impression of rugby @apecial then your dc might enjoy Rugbytots. Sounds like a similar thing but not football.

I’m actually with your DH. It’s the people he may well end up mixing with. Get him into tennis, cricket etc. that’s what I’d do

I think its OK to take him but don't encourage the culture of it, buying DS jerseys, and products, discussing allegiance to a team etc. Dh needs to separate his experience from the sport side of it.

Any parent who blanket bans something is wrong IMO. As is any parent who insists their child does a particular activity. It shows a very narrow minded approach to life.

Speak to DH and explain to him what you’ve said here

My experience with having a young son is that football crops up a lot as a bonding game. They often have the kids playing football with each other at the start of beavers, or at a wedding this summer one of the mums offered to take the kids for a kick around in the park across the street to blow off steam. I think knowing how to play a bit is great for making friends, even if it's just enough to be confident joining in. Personally I can't stand football either but I'd never discourage my son from trying any hobby he might enjoy.

Football is a big part of UK culture so your DH can’t reasonably expect that your son won’t be exposed to it. In my experience with a primary aged child, there are more and more football parties, the kids are starting to develop interest in certain teams and play at break time.

My eldest isn’t that interested but the point it that it was HIS choice. I took him to a little footie class at the weekend with some friends and it was a sociable activity. I’m now thinking of trying cricket because I think he will like it better.

You need to reassure your DH that you’re not forcing anything on your DS and respectfully, he cannot forbid your DS from having anything to do with football. Maybe he needs to access some therapy to explore these emotions.

If you have a shy child it will really help them socially.

honestly I find it a bit disturbing and narcissistic/self-obsessed that your DH can't get past his hatred of football to recognise that his child has found something he really enjoys. Is your DH seriously prepared to deprive his son of something he could really enjoy, just because of his own personal tastes? I personally despise any sport except for jogging - team sports I especially hate - but you can bet if my kid got into it I'd be at every match. It's really sad that your DH is willing to sacrifice your kids happiness for his own selfish reasons.

Yes, let him go, please do. Your son is not your husband and it's good for him to have a hobby he likes, if only for a while. It will be fun.

Take him to rugby or tennis or athletics or basketball or one of many many other sports - but it sounds like your husband had a really tough time and it isn’t hard to avoid football.

I think this is key though really.

Your DS doesn't want to go. You want your DS to go. Why do you want to have this argument right now?

If your DS was asking to go, it would be different.

It does get better in secondary school.

But if nothing else, it's another reason not to stop a child who actively wants to join. He might love it and become good at it.

The whole of Primary school should be about letting kids try and play as many sports as they physically can. Try something at 5, then a few years later if they didn't enjoy it in the first place. Also they finish school so early in this country, afternoons really are for

So one or 2 will stick when they are teenagers.

Football is so competitive and popular, if you want to have a chance to join a team, you are better off trying as young as possible! The waiting lists are ridiculously long, and I am guessing your husband will refuse to become a coach

the OP said however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

sounds about right to try properly! The child is 4, still little to ASK to join a club by himself.

I really dislike football culture but I wouldn't class a children's or grass roots team as part of that. Obviously, it might be a gateway to it but a 4 year old isn't going to be drinking lager and swearing because Liverpool lost the cup final or whatever.

If you ban football it's going to make it look more attractive. You should let him enjoy it as a sport but foster a healthy attitude, i.e. it's having fun that counts, a football score is not important.

I do agree with you DH about the toxicity of professional football.
Not about children's football though. It is a sport, they get to play in a team, travel around if they are any lucky, it is a commitment. Any sport teaches them a lot in life.
Are you sure he will say no to take him? I would not enroll him without talking to DH. But I do think that stopping a child from doing a healthy hobby based on the behaviour of adults is not on.

IDK. My daughter wants to be a ballerina. It came out of thin air. We go to ballet because its what she wants to do.

Your son likes football. It might help DH reframe his thinking. Realistically, your son is his own person who has his own likes and dislikes. DH doesn't need to like it but I don't think it's fair to prevent DC from doing it.

Respectfully, this boy is about to start primary school and I’ve found that it is pretty darn hard for a boy of primary school age to avoid football! It’s parties, break time, collecting footie cards. I’ve a DS who isn’t that into it and it can be difficult. If the son is exposed to a little bit of football -to see if he likes it and is good at it, then I find it does help them bond more with their peers. Of course they can bond over other things too, but if the boy really enjoyed the football party, why punish the son because of the dad’s experience?

We took ds, because I knew round here it would be key to acceptance in school etc. Ds want really that into it though and as we're not into football as a family, he didn't ever have a kick about etc at home. I do think it has hampered him socially, especiallyin primary at lunch, but then, he may have struggled anyway.

It's hard not being a football kid in some areas. It's taken ds until yr10 to start to find a niche. They do nothing but football in pe too, so ds is not a huge fan of pe, in spite of being a keen hiker/ cyclist/ swimmer.

How bizarre. Surely you just have no interest, rather than active passionate hatred for a hobby and sport so many enjoy.
Nobody is forcing him to watch it or play.
If your son likes it then of course he should go along. Tell your husband he's not expected to participate in any way if it's literally going to start giving him PTSD symptoms. Does he break into a sweat when he hears the match of the day theme, or catches sight of a west brom scarf being worn on the bus?
Would he rather his son did ballet? Rugby? Synchronised swimming? Krav Maga?
At most he might need to pay for classes but he doesn't even need to watch. So what does he care? Weird.