Angry at comment

[Hertsgirl1234]

My husband was on a world do last night with about 8 men and his secretary who is an old acquaintance we have known for years.
my children who are 12 called him at 11.30pm to speak to him. He was so drunk that when he put the phone down he left it up by mistake.

They heard his secretary (friend) say “why don’t you tell them you are out on a work do and you won’t be home til the morning”

They came down to tell me. I am annoyed that she is suggesting he tells his own daughters that, what has it got to do with her what he says to our children? What woman makes snide comments like that?

i am annoyed she has overstepped the mark? Does she think she is some sort of lad? Your thoughts?

Was he with the other men or is something going on with the secretary?

It helps if you read the OP’s comments. Their age is mentioned in her second sentence. The reason for their calling isn’t super clearly stated, but it is gone into in later posts.

So unfortunately YABU. Why?

1. Secretary is degrading and old school.
2. Your under 12 year old children’s shouldn’t be up on a school night making phone calls at 11:30.
3. Why are you calling your hubby when he’s out on a work do. Let him have his night.
4. So what if she said this. She was probably drunk too and actually she is right.

Me too. Because she's not talking to the children. She's talking about the children. Obviously saying it to the dad. It could be suspicious, or she could just be trying to be helpful to the drunk dad.
It was the be home in the morning bit that i thought was odd. Because it should be known beforehand if he's staying over or not.

@Resilienceisimportant rtft

Nothing snide or 'overstepping" about her comment at all. It's fact isn't it? When he goes out drinking twice a week what time does he come home usually? 11.30pm or 5am?

I'd suspect the OP doesn't like the fact the secretary's comment because it's reveals that other people notice he favours drink over his family. Her children have noticed too.

I wouldn't get distracted @Hertsgirl1234 by the AIBU herd. The issue isn't the late night call.

You need to accept the fact your husband drinks a lot and avoids his family. Then you need to accept you can do nothing to change that.

So your choice is maintain this way or life or actively get yourself a new way of life.

Your response makes no sense to what I posted.

If we're getting into semantics, on the basis this call was made at 11.30pm, it's highly likely that DH would be home in the morning i.e. at least 31 minutes later.

I think it's reasonable to tell children (who already ought to be in bed) that their dad will be home in the morning - as they want to see and talk to him, and that would be the first opportunity for them to do so. Why would you say "I'll be home in an hour or so?" You don't want or expect the children to wait up, you want them to go to bed. Better to focus on the morning bit.

Show me the 12 year old that spontaneously decided to ring their father at 11.30pm, knowing they were on a work do, for no particular reason (i.e. not an emergency).

If the 12 year old had wanted to contact their father they would have messaged him. That's the way 12 year olds typically communicate. They don't ring people up.

I’m really struggling to see the issue here, it was 11.30 at night, he was drunk, she made a perfectly good suggestion to manage the kids expectations and stop them phoning him to see when he’s coming home.

and I don’t get the comment does she think she’s one of the lads. What on earth does that mean?

What a silly comment, of course he was with the others, what do you think he’s having an affair and got so drunk he could barely talk?

Me too, and I’m afraid I’m also suspicious the op got the kids to call as she wanted him home and didn’t wish to call herself.

Surely from your kids point of view he won’t be home until morning??? They’ll be asleep when he gets back I assume. I can’t imagine having issue with this comment.

I thought exactly the same!!

Not sure the secretary is the problem here....

You should be angry with your husband for being so absent, not with the person who made a perfectly reasonable suggestion that he should speak truthfully to his children.

100% very strange … shouldn’t they be in bed?!?
They were obviously used as an excuse to contact him.

So absent?!? What on one night out with work?!? 🤣

YANBU
Too many comments ts about why kids are up and calling Dad at 1130. That is jot the issue. The dad is obviously out a bit and they wanted to speak to him. Mum at home doing the parenting. Mum make sure you get your nights out too...and a 5 day ski trip with girlfriends. See how he cope alone for 5 days

@BuildbyNumbere the OP has stated that he's away a lot - he's just come back from a 5 day ski trip - and that their kids are very clingy towards him as a result. She literally called him absent.

@BuildbyNumbere

Those are my thoughts as well. He won't be back till morning as in, presumably they're going to bed at some point in the near future, and he won't be home then. But he will be home when they wake up in the morning.

Her comment was completely innocuous. I don't understand why you think she thinks she's "some sort of lad?" I'm actually not sure what that even means.

Calling their father when you know he’s on his work do at almost midnight is beyond strange

To be fair she didn’t do anything wrong?!
You’re annoyed she pointed out the truth. Also why would they be allowed to call him that late at night when he would clearly be out drinking?
if they are that clingy to him then maybe you need to look at addressing that and limiting phone time at such a silly time of night