Angry at comment

[Hertsgirl1234]

My husband was on a world do last night with about 8 men and his secretary who is an old acquaintance we have known for years.
my children who are 12 called him at 11.30pm to speak to him. He was so drunk that when he put the phone down he left it up by mistake.

They heard his secretary (friend) say “why don’t you tell them you are out on a work do and you won’t be home til the morning”

They came down to tell me. I am annoyed that she is suggesting he tells his own daughters that, what has it got to do with her what he says to our children? What woman makes snide comments like that?

i am annoyed she has overstepped the mark? Does she think she is some sort of lad? Your thoughts?

Your kids shouldn't have called him, they should be encouraged to not converse with him while he's drunk. If this is a regular occurence you need to deal with that, not let it continue and get your kids involved and disappointed.

The friend was right, who wants to be bothered at nearly midnight on a night out? The whole vibe of an evening changes when that one person gets phone calls and texts from the wife and kids

@workingcream Well put!

Wasn't the secretary just stating a fact? Their dad is indeed at a work do, and will see them in the morning. It seems like a reasonable thing to say to the girls rather than some random drunk mumbling.

Not here private schools finished Friday and one breaks up today the other Thursday different schools have different holidays

and based on experience enough do have a phone at this

@Hertsgirl1234 the fact that your daughters ran him is telling you something about how he is as a father

What she said was a perfectly reasonable question. It is not however reasonable that your children were up and had access to a phone unsupervised at that time of night.

THIS

The secretary was absolutely right in what she said, she isn't the one to blame here.
In fact, I firstly call bs on the kids so cleverly being able to relate what they'd "heard"!
I'm more inclined to think you actually encouraged that phone call, to check up on your husband and you had the kids put it on speakerphone. There is no way 12 year olds would take any notice, nor relay it like it's relevant to anything, as it wouldn't be to them. Besides which, any 12 year old I know, clingy or not, would never call a parent on their night out! And school holidays or not, they shouldn't still have been up!
Secondly, I'm calling this whole post bs reading it fully and between the lines! If you can't be honest with a bunch of us strangers on MN, then you're never going to be honest with yourself about your situation! Which isn't anything to do with what you've posted!
Expect the comments you get, people don't need to be kind, they need to tell it how they see it. If you can't accept that then don't post. Simple.

You’re annoyed with your DH not his secretary - or you should be.

I took it as her suggesting that he tells them he'll be there in the morning-ie to end the call.

Well he wasn’t going to be back until the morning was he? It was already 11.30pm

Why is the fact she’s a woman make a difference?

The secretary isn't the problem here. (unless there's a drip feed coming with more evidence of an affair) The comment she made was pretty reasonable given the fact that it was already almost midnight... of course he wasn't going to be back until morning.

How come he has so many late nights out and trips without you @Hertsgirl1234 ? Are they all work related? Do you get to go away with your friends on your own?

You're posting about the wrong issue.

If it's his PA then she'll be used to talking to him in an instructional manner, and vice versa. He was clearly sloshed and she may well have thought it inappropriate for him to be chatting to his kids in that condition. I don't think she was encouraging him to stay out all night partying. It's impossible to say as it was an overheard sentence through your kids. The nuance isn't easy to guage.

Really 12 year olds shouldn't be having unsupervised access to their phones at night?
especially if they're calling people, they can't be sensible, so you need to take them from them at bed time.

As others have pointed out, the secretary really isn't the issue. as it is weird
thing to happen and her response was very normal and measured frankly.

You need to address your frustration with your husband and express how you'd like him to be more present and involved in family life. the secretary is an irrelevance.

1. My 12 year old would be asleep at 11.30pm on a Monday night.
2. Why do they ring their Dad when he’s out at the Christmas party? I would be furious with my husband if he was in charge and I was getting calls from the kids at that time. I panic something was wrong.
3. His colleague was right, why didn’t he say ‘Darling, just at the Christmas party. I’ll see you in the morning. Maybe give your phone to Mum. I assume she’s there and parenting?’

Not rude, but inappropriate.

He was on a work night out and should not be pestered by family unless it’s an emergency. I am surprised she didn’t say something ruder.

It’s a DH problem. Be annoyed at the comment made by the secretary if you want OP.
but bottom line -
your DH was having MORE away time from family.
it was a Christmas party after he had already been away. Where is your annoyance for your husband?
no wonder your children get clingy with him - they miss him. Ergo - DH problem.

also, what time did he come home? wondering if OP has flounced

I agree with this.

I wouldn't have said it, but I would have thought it. YABU.

Your mistake was letting your children cal him when he would clearly be wankered. Rookie error!

I agree too.

Father or mother, no need to be called when you are out!

In that case, the secretary is not your problem. He is.

Why do your 12 year olds need to talk to your husband if he is on a night out anyway? That is really odd behaviour. Are you sure you didn't get them to call so you could check up on him?

I'm agreeing with others.
Children shouldn't have unsupervised access to their phones at that time of night.
They should (IMO) be asleep at that time. If not asleep should be settled and not making phone calls, even if they have broken up from school.

There is no reason for DH to be disturbed for a chat when he was on a works do. I would be annoyed if a 12 year old phoned me at that time of night for a chat.
I have read the update.
DH does neeed to spend more time with the kids but phoning when he is on a works do is not appropiate really.