Angry at comment

[Hertsgirl1234]

My husband was on a world do last night with about 8 men and his secretary who is an old acquaintance we have known for years.
my children who are 12 called him at 11.30pm to speak to him. He was so drunk that when he put the phone down he left it up by mistake.

They heard his secretary (friend) say “why don’t you tell them you are out on a work do and you won’t be home til the morning”

They came down to tell me. I am annoyed that she is suggesting he tells his own daughters that, what has it got to do with her what he says to our children? What woman makes snide comments like that?

i am annoyed she has overstepped the mark? Does she think she is some sort of lad? Your thoughts?

What is a 12 year old doing up at 11.30 and why is he ringing his father at that time knowing he was on a night out? Unless it was an emergency of course.

Maybe she doesn’t think your husband should be speaking to your children while he’s pissed drunk. He’d be better speaking to them the next morning.

She was probably surprised at 12 year olds calling him at that time when he was clearly not going to in the best condition to speak to them, and made a sensible suggestion. Tbh I'd have probably said similar myself if children were trying to talk to a very drunk parent, because its not a great experience for them. Its better to tell them he'd see them in the morning than prolong it or have them call again and possibly be upset or worried that dad was being weird.

I think YABU op.
In theory, yes, it is not up to his secretary to decide if his children should or shouldn't contact him but what she said was quite right given the context.
He is on a night out, there was no need for them to call him at 11.30, especially given their age.
If my DC's called their dad at that time when he was on a night out his first thought would be there has been an issue, not them calling for a chat.
I think the people who you should be annoyed at, if you have to be annoyed at anyone, are your DC's. Did you ask they why they called him in the first place?

And on a school night too!

The secretary's comment is totally irrelevant isn't it?

The issue is that your husband behaves like a single man, is out drinking all the time, going on holiday without you and avoiding spending time with his children.

This. 100%.

The problem here isn't the secretary. It's your husband opting out of family life when it suits him and you both allowing 12 year olds their phones overnight.

The op has clearly said that she didn't encourage the call. They were upstairs and she didn't know until afterwards.

I'm so sorry. Poor girls and you. They are clearly still fighting for his attention and trying to desperately keep some kind of a bond with their often absent dad.
He is the one who needs to hold onto them (and you), make more effort, and speak to them before going out- telling them where he'll be, why and for how long - to help them manage their very natural expectation of having their parent around.

I know focusing on the real issue can be more painful in the shorter term, but it's the only way to problem solve for the long term.

I’m just intrigued why it was 8 men and a secretary. Did his night out take place in the 1950s?

My comment would be, irrespective of what time they go to bed, is that they shouldn't have their phones at 11.30 at night!

There is a chance that that is the office setup?

My first thought was that she might be after him, is this a possibility OP?

@Annettecurtaintwitcher Or an episode of Mad Men!

OP nobody was being unkind. Your post left out some relevant detail but even then people were making fair points

Your problem is you husband does not value time with you and your kids. Your poor kids.

I actually think you’ve got the problem here. I don’t think there is a problem with somebody telling obviously a very drunk man just tell the kids you’re gonna be out to the morning and basically the morning is after 12 o’clock anyway and it was 1130 so what was the problem? Are you jealous of the secretary? It’s like you don’t like the fact that somebody’s talking to your husband it’s not like she said anything wrong not as far as I can see.

This

Don’t be silly it’s one bloody work too. People are entitled to that for God sake.

Quite, and trying to blame the woman when her DH is clearly the problem

I would also be suspicious about a man choosing to spend this much time away from his family and what he is really doing.

You clearly haven't bothered to read all the OPs posts ( there aren't many!) Its not one work do - its two late night drinking sessions a week every week, and he is just back from a five day ski-ing trip (minus family) and the OP says the kids are clingy with him as he is absent so much.

Maybe do ' See ALL' on the OP' posts before letting rip on people whose posts you do not understand as you were too lazy to read all the OPs posts first.

Exactly what I was thinking. Also didn't see anything wrong with what the secretary said. OP is complaining she thinks she's "one of the lads" although she ought to be happy that's the case. Could have been much worse as "Darling, tell that suspicious cow of a wife of yours to stop using her children to control you."

This. What an all-round odd thing to do! Telling the kids he'd be back (as in, there) in the morning is a totally reasonable thing to say. The friend was probably bemused as to why 2 kids were calling him at nigh on midnight.

Have you told him you want equal leisure time @Hertsgirl1234 ? Book a five day jaunt for yourself.