Angry at comment

[Hertsgirl1234]

My husband was on a world do last night with about 8 men and his secretary who is an old acquaintance we have known for years.
my children who are 12 called him at 11.30pm to speak to him. He was so drunk that when he put the phone down he left it up by mistake.

They heard his secretary (friend) say “why don’t you tell them you are out on a work do and you won’t be home til the morning”

They came down to tell me. I am annoyed that she is suggesting he tells his own daughters that, what has it got to do with her what he says to our children? What woman makes snide comments like that?

i am annoyed she has overstepped the mark? Does she think she is some sort of lad? Your thoughts?

Or you know the more likely scenario of he clearly won't be home until the morning given it's nearly midnight and he should tell his kids to stop calling because quite honestly it's just weird.

A lot of posters are very imaginative I must say.

Ey? What was it about the secretary's comment that got your back up then? And why are your kids knocking about with a phone at 11.30pm?

If this was the other way round, you'd be having a good, old bitch about the hubster allowing the kids to be up at midnight.

I don't understand why you think her comment is snide, surely she was just helping him given he was so drunk he didn't know how to respond? Though I must say my first reading of it was also that he could be somewhere other than at the work do - though I imagine that's unlikely though as presumably he wouldn't have picked up the phone...

And then reliably relay it?

Because he won't be....? She's encouraging him to tell the truth.

Now, if she had said "come on then, Lover, let's go back to my boudoir for some rumpy-pumpy" you would have something to worry/complain about.

hi

just to clarify he isn’t on a rare night out. He is out al least twice a week drinking and has just come back from a 5 day ski trip.

i didn’t encourage them to call, they have broken up from school so are awake, I wasn’t upstairs with them, they are clingy with him at times as he is absent a lot. No I didn’t encourage them to call.

please be kind with your comments

I think you sound quite naive. Do you not think men have affairs with their secretary's? It's pretty common you know.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't - but the OP's update of him regularly staying out drinking and popping off on jollies is just another nail in the coffin really.

Not nice but no doubt she just said it off the top of her head while all were making merry. Tell your husband off, he will probably also tell her but she may no even remember.

Nobody died.

To be fair, your thread should be about that really. Not a throwaway comment by a colleague on a Christmas night out.

Why is a 12 year old up until 11:30pm and why encourage them to phone their dad on a work do?

just to clarify he isn’t on a rare night out. He is out al least twice a week drinking and has just come back from a 5 day ski trip.

Well, to be fair-if that’s your problem, you should have written about that instead.

This work colleague really isn’t the issue here, is she?

Probably because she’s got reservations about your DH being drunk and talking to his children. parents being drunk isn't a pleasant thing for children to witness, so maybe she’s trying to protect them from that, particularly if drinking is a regular feature of your DH’s routine?

@Hertsgirl1234 She hasn't overstepped the mark, she's made a perfectly reasonable comment.

As to your question "Does she think she is some sort of lad?"
I find this very odd, What on earth do you mean by some sort of lad? I suspect she sees herself as out with her mates, possibly mates from work. Are you implying that women shouldn't go out drinkng with men? Are we back in the 1960s?

I think you should ask yourself what it is you're actually concerned about here? Is it the innocuous comment, or is it that your husband is out drinking in a group with a woman. Then ask yourself why that bothers you so much.

I didn't mean to be unkind OP, but it seems late for children that age to be up, and they are quite likely to be upset by speaking to their dad when he's drunk, so maybe it's something to discourage them from doing in future.
Personally I wouldn't be surprised at the female secretary joining in a work night out - it would be mean and sexist to exclude her - and her comment seemed harmless. But DP's level of boozing and the fact that his children are clingy and missing him, are causes for concern and I'm not surprised this is bothering you.

Indeed.

It just seemed like the OP wanted to make a post hoping everyone would join in and badmouth the poor women.

The fact some have obliged and said she's clearly having an affair with him and is overstepping etc is probably delighting the OP.

You might be better off starting a new thread in Relationships, OP, as you're going to get a lot of people posting who haven't bothered to read the update.

*'posting in this thread', that should say.

Unitl the children learn that phoning people late at night is rude, I suggest they don't have access to their phones after a certain time. There is no need to be phoning anybody out of the blue at 11:30pm unless its an emergency.

Yes. This is strange and manipulative.

It's not rude for a child to phone their parent late at night. My kids can ring me and/or DH any time of the day or night if they feel the need.

Most kids are not allowed a phone at night.
Kids round here don't break up until Friday. Even the private schools with longer holidays don't finish until tomorrow.

Her comment isn't snide at all. She is saying to your DH why didn't he explain he's on a work night out and he'll see them in the morning. Perfectly reasonable. She probably knew he was in no fit state to talk to the children. Your kids should have been asleep not phoning their dad. You need to explain to them that calling was not appropriate. I expect that everyone thought you had put them up to it in order to try and guilt him into getting home which I expect is probably likely to be the case

The whole thing sounds batty. Why didnt you call him yourself.

The whole scenario is ludicrous, with the secretary emerging as the only semi-sane person involved.

12 year olds should be in bed asleep at 11:30pm, school night or not. They certainly shouldn't be phoning a (likely drunk) parental unit on a night out.

Secretary's comments weren't remotely snide imo. Says a lot that you interpret common sense as 'snide' or indicating 'laddiness'.

If your husband is absent or drinking too often, that needs to be sorted. Not allowing a pair of 12 year olds to stay up to 11:30 and start phoning a parent on a night out. If they can't use their phones sensibly, maybe they should be left downstairs 'til morning?

Posts on AIBU. Is told YABU...

"Please be kind with your comments."

Give me strength.