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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

379 replies

Pekitothebunny · 16/12/2024 08:21

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 16/12/2024 08:22

I would help

Zanatdy · 16/12/2024 08:22

Of course if i was able to

AnyoneSomeone · 16/12/2024 08:22

Of course I would.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 16/12/2024 08:24

If it wasn’t a regular occurrence yes of course but I have cousins who treat their dad like a cash tree so he no longer helps

ZaraSkyTraveler · 16/12/2024 08:24

I would say I would help. But really I suppose if I have the means to. My husband was made redundant and it’s been a struggle but I would not expect my pensioner parents to help us out (even though they have the means, as their money is to support their old age).

TheCompactPussycat · 16/12/2024 08:25

I would help but how much would depend on the situation. Job loss because of genuine redundancy, I'd happily help. Job loss due to feckless behaviour, not so much.

delphinedupont · 16/12/2024 08:25

I would help. I’m a grown woman but both my mum and parents in law would help us without question, and it’s never made us rely on them or make questionable financial choices because of it, if that’s what you’re worried about.

SweetBobby · 16/12/2024 08:25

Of course I would help if I could.

What does anyone gain from not helping them just because they're adults?

Sourisblanche · 16/12/2024 08:25

Yes I would always help my child and my nieces and nephews should they need it. My thoughts with money is that you can’t take it with you.

Jingleberryalltheway · 16/12/2024 08:26

My children are young so it diffiult to say. I imagine it would depend on a whole host of factors, are things going to be tight but managable, was it caused by silly choices, are they’re involved, have they been bailed out before?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2024 08:26

It depends I think. Some people my brother and SIL lurch from one crisis or emergency to the next and my parents would be destitute if they offered to help every time.

MargaretThursday · 16/12/2024 08:26

This is always from someone who thinks that their parents should help them out.

What they are missing is that there may be a good reason why they aren't being helped out. They may not even know it.

The answer isn't always that it's right to help them out, because of the situation, or because of past actions or knowing there's a big expense etc.

So I've no doubt that people will put that of course they will; they always do, rubbing in Op's sense of indignation. But it isn't necessarily the wrong decision on the parents' account, even if people say they would for their children.

RampantIvy · 16/12/2024 08:26

I would because I know that DD wouldn't treat me like a cash cow.

She is very independent and would only ask if she was in dire need.

Onlyvisiting · 16/12/2024 08:26

I think it would depend hugely on the circumstances. If they were unable to pay their rent or buy food then yes.
If they just had a smaller budget for extras and needed to pare down eg from waitrose to lidl then not necessarily.
Unless you are absolutely loaded and could never spend all you have of course. But if I was un that situation I would have already helped my children buy a house if they wanted so rent wouldn't be an issue.

CatMummyOf3 · 16/12/2024 08:27

For the examples you have given, yes I would help (and have).

AutoP1lot · 16/12/2024 08:27

Yes of course, if I was able to without causing hardship for myself and assuming their struggles weren't caused by laziness or poor decisions

Semiramide · 16/12/2024 08:27

Can’t vote as you have not specified which is meant to be which…..

but yes, I would help as best I can.

unless there are other ‚issues‘, concerns, reasons why this might not be in my best interest or theirs.

Createausername1970 · 16/12/2024 08:28

TheCompactPussycat · 16/12/2024 08:25

I would help but how much would depend on the situation. Job loss because of genuine redundancy, I'd happily help. Job loss due to feckless behaviour, not so much.

Yes, this.

stanleypops66 · 16/12/2024 08:28

Yes I would help especially in these circumstances.

PaymentAccepted · 16/12/2024 08:28

Yes. From my Asian culture we all help everyone out. My kids are adults and don’t take the piss. If they were in crisis I would actively want to help them without being asked.

FrenchandSaunders · 16/12/2024 08:28

Yes I’d help if they were decent kids and we had a good relationship. I’d be reluctant if they were crap with money and frittered it away.

BeLimeTiger · 16/12/2024 08:28

It depends. If they were frittering money on flashy clothes and holidays and then asking for money to pay for a repair on the car then I would view this as enabling. If they’d just bought a new house and the boiler broke then that would be different.

AhBiscuits · 16/12/2024 08:29

I would give them the money.

GrannyGoggles · 16/12/2024 08:29

So many variables. How are they with money generally, is this the first time or the latest in a long run? What is my position, and how does it impact on my partner and other children?

Yes I would, and have done so, but it is not to be assumed that it would be automatic.

BananaBananaBananaOrange · 16/12/2024 08:29

My parents have helped me.

I hope I will be able to help my DC if necessary.