If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

I think yes, but it would depend on a lot.

as others have said, if they suddenly needed a new boiler, or had a redundancy etc I think I’d help, however if they had a long history of not saving or reckless spending, I might not.

We had something similar happen with BIL who needed help when he was between contracts, but had been earning £90-100k for 2 years continuously working on contracts he knew could end with only a weeks notice yet saved hardly anything. Had a couple of long haul holidays, bought a new Land Rover, redecorated their house in those 2 years, money ran out in 3 months at the end of contract, because he was also being fussy about what sort of job he’d take next. PIL did help him, I told dh I would be furious if our savings went to help. (Dh is the older brother and expected to help if PIL couldn’t.)

Yes, we would as long as it wasn't of their own making ie they could have covered everything if they hadn't spent it on going out for example

Would depend on what caused the problem and what measures they had taken to remedy it.

Totally depends on circumstances.

Genuine struggles due to health, divorce, redundancy etc - yes

Feckless spending, no attempts to help themselves, addictions, poor work ethics etc - no, it doesn't address the long term problems

I've given my eldest my last £30 before & two weeks ago my parents helped pay a surprise vet bill. We're all 'poor' but you help your kids

I would, but they would have to need help not just think it's easier to get mum to sort it. I'd also have to be in a position to give help.

I'm also OK with a mistake. Not repeated mistakes of the same type, but noone is perfect and sometimes the implications of a mistake like credit card debt when young can have big repercussions, that mean the punishment is far worse than the crime.

If I could afford to and it wasn't due to a fault of their own then yea of course

In the last year alone, I have helped DD1... horrible divorce from cheating ex..we helped her keep her home (that only she had paid for!) by paying off the ex.
DS1.. car died so helped him get another (second hand not flashy) He works hard but has horrendously high rent and lives in Australia where he needs a car to get to work!
DD2.. helped them towards a house deposit, after they had lived with us for 2 years saving every penny.

We are not well off, but we did what we could because they are our children, they all work hard and life stuff happens.
However if they needed money because they had bought stuff they couldn't afford, been frivolous and got into debt then we probably would have only offered minimal help and pointed them towards debt advice.

We have never enabled them, but will always offer help when and where we can.

It would depend on why and what.

it wouldn’t be an automatic yes and a lot would depend on what they where doing to help themselves. Otherwise they’ll never learn from their misstates.

Yes. But there are many reasons people don't other than the one you mentioned. They may feel the difficulty is a result of poor decisions. Or it happens frequently. Or its unfair to siblings. Or they think there are other resolutions such as lifestyle changes, cutting back and budgeting. It's not always a case of mean old boomer sitting on money while their children struggle.

If it’s something unexpected and beyond their control, and I had the means, of course I would help out where I could.

Yes if I could. For example, I was very fortunate to be able to help my son put the deposit down on a flat. Unfortunately his fixed rate came to an end just as Liz Truss wasted the economy, and he was in real danger of having to sell just because his mortgage was going to become unaffordable. So he'd be back to square 1, I wouldn't be able to help him with the deposit again, essentially we'd have thrown a load of money away. So it made sense to help him top up his mortgage payments until things stabilised and his payments dropped back to something sensible.

I would help, if it didn’t leave me short. I would hope that it was a one off, unavoidable thing. If it became regular or the result of bad choices then I’d reconsider, though I would try and help in other ways.

Life is hard, stuff happens, why make it harder by not helping if you can?

Yes, certainly not. Depends on the circumstances.

Of course I would help them out in this situation, no question.

if they were in a load of debt because of gambling or drug abuse for example then that would be a different conversation.

It's very dependent on your specific circumstances. If the adult child is feckless, or really bad with money, or this has happened more than once or twice, many parents would baulk at bailing them out I think. It just reinforces the poor behaviour/planning.

Teaching a child to budget, to save money, and to plan ahead are all really important.

That said, if it was a one-off with no back story of course I'd help my child.

Currently going through it with my 26 year old who was working for a company which folded overnight. He can't get out of his tenancy until March so his Dad has lent/given him the money. He will then move back home with me for however long it takes to get another job. He's got a temp job as a postman but it won't be enough to pay his city centre rent . I don't have any spare money to give him but have bought him some trainers and paid for train and bus tickets.

I'd be a massive hypocrite if I didn't help my child when she's older, and if she's struggling. After all, isn't this why we have investments and savings to make sure our children are looked after, as much as ourselves?

This. It would never occur to me not to help.

Yes, if I could.

I wouldn’t throw good money after bad into a failing business, or leave myself insecure, but yes I would.

Partly because my Dc would never ask for or expect help so wouldn’t be taking the piss. They are resilient, responsible and not grasping at all.

Sometimes‘helping out’ is NOT helpful, eg if there is a spending addiction, or the adult child in question has a good income but refuses to learn to budget and plan. In these cases, bailing out is actually harmful because it prolongs the problem.

Thank you everyone for answering. I didn’t give my specific example just because I thought it would sway the votes, and I wanted to first know what peoples opinions are about this in general.

For my specific situation (in case anyone is interested) I am the daughter in this situation. I am 31 and my parents are separated. My mum does not have a lot of money so I would never ask her for anything. My dad is quite well off, has lots of disposable income. I’m his only child, he lives mortgage free and goes on lots of holidays a year, he bought a caravan outright, buys lots of designer things etc (nothing wrong with this in the slightest, I am just making the point that he lives very well and isn’t skint)

I don’t ever just expect anything from him. I’ve never ever asked him for money for clothes or anything like that, even growing up. There have been two occasions in my life where I would’ve really appreciated some help. The first one was that we had just bought a house, we didn’t have much money but we were managing by being smart with our decisions. Unfortunately, our cat got into a very bad accident. We had insurance that went up to 6k at the time but the cost of all the surgeries was 9k. We only had 2k left in our savings so had to use that and I was in bits over how we were going to find another 1k. I had a conversation with him but he never offered any help so I ended up putting it on a credit card. That was 4 years ago, the debt was paid off no problems.

I am now in a situation where I struggle very badly with endometriosis. It affects my life greatly and I am on the waiting list for surgery. They told me it’s about a 2 year wait. Each month seems to get worse so I decided to save up to go private in case I manage to save up faster than the NHS can give me a date. I so far only managed to save up a couple of thousand but our car got stolen and I have had to use my surgery savings for a new car. I rang my dad basically mid breakdown and asked him for the first time ever if I could please have some money towards this, even if it’s just the consultation fee. He said yes but every week he keeps asking for the money back. He says “don’t forget, it was a loan” and if we are out he says things like “you can buy me this drink, seeing as you owe me money” I am stressed out with it and wondered if I am being unreasonable. I spoke about it with my other family members and my grandma says she would help out if she had the means, but my cousin said my dads money is HIS money and it’s up to him what he spends it on. I absolutely understand this, but it does make me feel sad sometimes that he doesn’t feel the want to help me when I’ve been struggling

I would presume if this was your child you would know either way so is it your parent/ils not helping you?

If I could afford it and it wasn’t due to carelessness on their part then yes I would