If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

If I can I do. Equally just as an example my eldest daughter made a ridiculous mistake because it cost her £4000. I’m definitely not gonna protect her from that because it was her own decision.

Help them 100%. Is that you mum?!

I would help.

I went through bankruptcy in my early twenties. I will never forget sitting on the floor of my cold flat, in tears, in the dark as my electric meter had run out and I had no money to pay for it. My mother knew I was going to go bankrupt. She could have afforded to help me. I didn't ask because I never ever asked her for help. But as a parent myself now I cannot fathom not helping my child avoid bankruptcy. In my case I only owed a small amount and with proper help I could have paid it all back avoiding bankruptcy, but I just felt so alone.

It was a horrendous and shameful time in my life. My mother preferred to go on lavish holidays than offer to help her daughter. I thought that was fine at the time and never considered she should help me or that anyone would help me. But as a parent now I couldn't do what she did and I absolutely would.enaure my child got help. If I could afford it, I'd financially help.

@Pekitothebunny are you related to the poster whose dad is apparently a millionaire and wont give her money to be a lady of leisure??

Money for surgery to avoid a long wait is definitely something I’d want to help with, also vet treatment.
why is he not wanting to , do you think? Is there some history?

I would help for the reasons you have given, however if I was regularly being treat like a bank and I could see little effort on their part to fix the situation then I wouldn’t

I have two parents who genuinely would not cross their mind for one moment that they would help out at all. One of them is married to somebody who is a kinder person. And has bought meals when frankly we’ve needed them but actually the hundred pound meal out that they paid for would’ve been far better in cash and fed us for the week. But that’s not the kind of help they have in mind.

If I could afford to help I would.

After reading your update I definitely would. Your dad shouldn’t have loaned you the money if he’s going to be dick about it. If I had the money I’d pay for any surgery my dc or dgc would need.

In your situation I would have paid for the surgery outright myself and not as a loan,
I would rather fix my child’s health than have a holiday or two

Based on your examples, I can only think that he judges your life choices or disagrees with them.

Perhaps he thinks spending 9k on a cat was a bad decision and that your partner should have been putting in towards the stolen car or that insurance would cover it.

Os there a chance he thinks your husband should be looking after you? Or did you disagree at some point about your career path?

I help. Always.

your dad is an awful human being.

Yes. Unless it was a recurring theme then no as they need to change their behaviour because I won't always be around.
But circumstances not of their doing in a heartbeat.

A comment upgrade has just made me think of this - a friend had a family member accusing her of using her dad as a cash cow several years ago - said friend pointed out that her dad had only sporadically paid the bare minimum child support over her childhood, was an emotionally immature parent prone to silent treatment, sulking and shouting that had caused her a fair bit of damage she was trying to undo, did barely any actual parenting, choosing to leave it all to her mum, and only bothered to make plans with her when he had a new girlfriend and wanted to show off, and the family member said 'well don't take his money if he's not good enough for you then' 🙄

I would help x

That sounds really tough. It's really unusual though to be allowed to declare bankruptcy over a small sum, usually you'd be expected to pay it off, so I m guessing your circumstances were not straightforward.

I’d help if it was genuine. If it’s due to laziness then no.

Please do help if you can.

At my lowest during covid I had to ask my abusive mother for help as had nobody. Just for some food. I was shocked and surprised when she said yes and gave me a bag of things. I thought maybe it was the start of our relationship getting better. It was a trick. A few months later she had a huge go at me and told me how disgusting and embarrassing she found it that I’d needed that help and she had told other people she had gone hungry as gave me her food (this wasn’t true). That’s when I gave up talking to her I maybe have contact every few months now (eg merry Xmas on Xmas day that’s it)

If I could of course I would help. My parents have helped me when it's things to do with the house - like a boiler or a leak etc. they know I work bloody hard and am as frugal with money as I can be and also a single parent. I'm not frivolous with money every spare penny goes on the kids.

I think it would be different if I knew my child lived an excessive lifestyle and had frittered money away and left themselves short for an emergency

Yes, without question. In fact, I’ve already helped my eldest son to the tune of £20,000 over the past ten years due to a very expensive divorce and legal costs and then unemployment during Covid lockdowns. When I made my will, I put in a clause saying my other two children would inherit an equal amount before the remaining estate was split three ways. All my children are aware of this so it won’t be a surprise!

I am fortunate to be able to help out my children through very hard work on my part creating some savings and also a small inheritance.

There is nothing more to say other than this.

My parents never helped me but I would certainly help my DCs if I could.

Having seen your example. I would have paid for your surgery outright and not as a loan.