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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws have told us they are staying over on Christmas

199 replies

Sesame2011 · 15/12/2024 21:45

This year for Christmas, my wife and I are hosting her parents for dinner. We last spent Christmas day with them in 2021 (in 22 we spent it with my family and in 23 we were away on holiday over Christmas and new year).

I thought this year would be like last time, in laws would come over around lunchtime, we would do presents and eat and maybe play a couple games and they would leave early evening.

This year, last week, MIL has told us they are going to stay over at ours on Christmas night. We did not invite them to stay, they did not ask us. They told us.

They live a 15 min drive away and we assume they have decided this because they want to drink. (They are big social drinkers, we are not). As I'm pregnant, I told my wife I could drive them home. In laws do not know I'm pregnant but will find out on Christmas day. They know I'm not much of a drinker anyway. We saw them again today and my wife confirmed that I wouldn't be drinking and could drive them home. MIL refused and said that they would stay.

It really bothers me they haven't asked. It never came up in any prior discussions about Christmas day, it only came up last week when my wife met her mum for lunch.

AIBU that I want them to at least ask if they can stay at ours and not just assume?

OP posts:
AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 15/12/2024 21:46

That's so rude! I'm afraid I'd be making it clear that no, they weren't staying over actually.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 21:47

Just say no sorry it’s not convenient. It’s important to nip this type of stuff in the bud right away or they will take the piss so often and eventually you’ll forget how it all started!

pestoblush · 15/12/2024 21:47

Congrats on your pregnancy .. I don’t know how you can get the message across / 15 mins away is no reason to stay over

MrsPeterHarris · 15/12/2024 21:48

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 21:47

Just say no sorry it’s not convenient. It’s important to nip this type of stuff in the bud right away or they will take the piss so often and eventually you’ll forget how it all started!

This! Nip it in the bud immediately!

Guest100 · 15/12/2024 21:48

Get a couple of cheap blow up beds in the lounge. Don’t give them a bedroom. They will change their minds on the day.

RubyRedBow · 15/12/2024 21:48

Just say no you aren’t having overnight guests.

NorthernSpirit · 15/12/2024 21:49

No is a complete sentence. You don’t have to give an explanation.

It’s also v rude of her.

Your MIL is being completely unreasonable. Set the boundary now before this gets worse.

KindleAndCake · 15/12/2024 21:51

Have the nursery all ready so they can't possibly stay in the spare room now Wink

SharpOpalNewt · 15/12/2024 21:53

Very rude of them. An offer to drive them home should be welcome anyway so they can sleep in their own beds.

Flatandhappy · 15/12/2024 21:54

Why hasn’t your wife just told them no? They can refuse a lift if they want but they can hardly refuse to go home if they are told staying isn’t an option.

Hoppinggreen · 15/12/2024 21:55

Your wife needs to deal with it and tell them that they CANNOT stay

Livinginadream · 15/12/2024 21:56

Well seems like you have a wife problem since they were talking to her. What does she think about it? She hasn't objected has she....why is that?

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/12/2024 21:57

I don't see the problem. Let them stay.

CandyLeBonBon · 15/12/2024 21:58

My mum does this, but she lives 300 miles away. It's not the staying I object to it's the self invitation. I agree your wife needs to say no, very firmly, and say why. As with pp they need to understand that they don't get to unilaterally decide. They can ask, and you can discuss, and agree if it works for you. Good luck.

Thepurplepig · 15/12/2024 22:00

Chose your hill to die on. This isn’t it.

If you want to keep them at arms length when the baby arrives start making plans to move.

Stretchanoctave · 15/12/2024 22:01

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/12/2024 21:57

I don't see the problem. Let them stay.

Same. What’s the big deal. It’s one night.

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 15/12/2024 22:02

Oh it certainly would be a hill to die on for me.

OnSilverStars · 15/12/2024 22:04

Just let them stay. Why the drama?

Hoppinggreen · 15/12/2024 22:04

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/12/2024 21:57

I don't see the problem. Let them stay.

The problem is they have told Op and her wife that they are staying and despite being told (supposedly) that they can't they are refusing to listen.
It would be that more than anything that would make it a hill I would certainly die on

goldencabbage · 15/12/2024 22:06

Your wife needs to tell them know. Can't she tell them she just wants a romantic night in with you?

goldencabbage · 15/12/2024 22:06

OnSilverStars · 15/12/2024 22:04

Just let them stay. Why the drama?

because they don't want them to stay?

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

goldencabbage · 15/12/2024 22:07

KindleAndCake · 15/12/2024 21:51

Have the nursery all ready so they can't possibly stay in the spare room now Wink

OOOOOH YES!!!!!

goldencabbage · 15/12/2024 22:08

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

What aspect of that confuses you? Just think about it for a second...

Original poster
Sesame2011 · 15/12/2024 22:09

Thanks all.

If they had asked we would have most likely said yes anyway. Even though I would have preferred they left, it's not a big deal. It's just the way they have told us.

They are nice enough people but i struggle to find common ground sometimes. They really like to drink and we do not, most of their social activities involve alcohol. So I can only hope they aren't planning to stay to get rowdy. Even if it's a quiet one and they just want to chill, watch a movie and go to bed then I feel we would struggle to find a movie we would all like.

The spare room already has really lumpy pillows and a summer duvet so I'm sure they'll enjoy their stay 😅

OP posts: