In laws have told us they are staying over on Christmas

[Sesame2011]

This year for Christmas, my wife and I are hosting her parents for dinner. We last spent Christmas day with them in 2021 (in 22 we spent it with my family and in 23 we were away on holiday over Christmas and new year).

I thought this year would be like last time, in laws would come over around lunchtime, we would do presents and eat and maybe play a couple games and they would leave early evening.

This year, last week, MIL has told us they are going to stay over at ours on Christmas night. We did not invite them to stay, they did not ask us. They told us.

They live a 15 min drive away and we assume they have decided this because they want to drink. (They are big social drinkers, we are not). As I'm pregnant, I told my wife I could drive them home. In laws do not know I'm pregnant but will find out on Christmas day. They know I'm not much of a drinker anyway. We saw them again today and my wife confirmed that I wouldn't be drinking and could drive them home. MIL refused and said that they would stay.

It really bothers me they haven't asked. It never came up in any prior discussions about Christmas day, it only came up last week when my wife met her mum for lunch.

AIBU that I want them to at least ask if they can stay at ours and not just assume?

Seems like you have a bit of a wife problem.

she should have told her parents that they can’t stay the night. Does she usually have a problem standing up to them? Or is she actually fine with her parents staying the night?

Is this a genuine question?

I think there’s a bit more to this story than the OP is letting on. They are her wife’s parents, staying for Christmas night.

Haven't you answered your own question there?

I'm 53 and it was a joke. Good grief! 😀

Regardless of who they are, they've still not been invited, and they only live 15 minutes away.

What more do you need? It doesn't matter who you are or what day it is, you never inform anyone that you are staying at their house. Ever. You wait to be invited, or you can ask may we stay.

Darling, who the heck IS in the fucking position to TELL you they are staying in your house/apartment?
A person like this would get a proverbial non literal kick up their arse and would get NC from myself.

Drama?
You don't let others walk all over you and breach on your privacy, whoever they might be!

you'd go no contact?

jesus fucking christ. some people really are feral for the drama.

Exactly! It's just so entitled. Thinking you can rock up at someone's house for the night without even asking if it's okay!

In some families it might be just fine amongst family members; that's okay if it's what everyone's used to and everyone's happy with it. But once a couple is married, they're a new family unit together and they both count just as much, and the wife or husband whose home it also is should be consulted before guests just inform them that they're staying. It's extremely rude.

Above was meant to quote this comment.

I would never, ever presume to inform someone that I'm staying in their home! I don't even do that to my own grown children, never mind anyone else.

I know right! Honestly I would hate to be part of a family where people are so precious of boundaries and privacy. It is family that want to stay, not a random from off the street

Luckily in mine nobody would immediately consider going NC if someone said, especially on Christmas night, I am just going to kip here. It would be fine with us

MN always amazes me about how precious people are about guests, usually in laws let’s be honest, staying in their house for any amount of time, even a coffee is too long in some people’s eyes.

And then in the same breath wonder why they don’t have any support. Each to their own I suppose but must make for a stressful life being that uptight about family

I can’t believe some of these comments. It’s one night. I’m guessing it’s because it’s the PILs and obviously we can’t ever be nice to them even at Christmas.

Your in laws are your wife's parents. They're not strangers or just acquaintances to her or, presumably, to you. It probably doesn't occur to them that they wouldn't be welcome or that they had to beg permission to stay. Personally, I would have loved my parents to stay with us but they preferred to sleep at home as they were only an hour's drive away. My partner's parents had 4 children and lived several hundred miles away so we were always delighted when it was our turn to be visited. Your in laws are part of your family (or rather you're part of theirs) and it's perfectly reasonable for them to expect to be welcome. Maybe at some point you'll be in their position and will understand.

It's the fact that they've decided they're coming, not asked, not suggested, just declared it. That's not very kind behaviour in itself.

😂

I get on very well with my in laws. They would be welcome to stay, and have been.

But if they had presumed to not even ask if it's okay to stay in my home, I would not be okay with that. I'm not their child, I'm not beholden to them in any, way shape or form (not that children are either, but you know, for some families parents can do what they like and that's how the dynamic works).

I won't be treated as if I'm just an afterthought. It's my home as much as my husband's!

Tell them that you are having a teetotal Christmas this year, only non alcoholic versions of all the usual drinks.

Faced with the prospect of not being able to get shitfaced they may well decide to cut their visit short.

If they stay overnight, there's every chance the OP and her household will 'lose' quite a chunk of the following day.

I would let this slide as it will hopefully be a joyful day with your baby news - BUT - After Christmas I would be sitting down with the wife - TV off - and telling her than as from today where her parents are concerned there are to be firm boundaries and NO means NO and she is to have your back as a united front. Nip this in the bud now ax they are testing the water and probably have been fur some time .

SweetBobby · Yesterday 22:07
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I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?
Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

Der ….

We can be nice to them every day of the year. I am to mine

But I don't care if theyre Judi dench or the Dalai fucking lama, you don't tell me you're staying in my house when you haven't been invited.

Either your wife is clear with her parents that staying over is not an option, or you suck it up. As you're pregnant, I'd probably suck it up for this year as next year you'll have a perfect bundle of excuse for things like this!

This! People are just waiting to be offended by something so trivial and an excuse to be vitriolic. Life’s too short.