In laws have told us they are staying over on Christmas

[Sesame2011]

This year for Christmas, my wife and I are hosting her parents for dinner. We last spent Christmas day with them in 2021 (in 22 we spent it with my family and in 23 we were away on holiday over Christmas and new year).

I thought this year would be like last time, in laws would come over around lunchtime, we would do presents and eat and maybe play a couple games and they would leave early evening.

This year, last week, MIL has told us they are going to stay over at ours on Christmas night. We did not invite them to stay, they did not ask us. They told us.

They live a 15 min drive away and we assume they have decided this because they want to drink. (They are big social drinkers, we are not). As I'm pregnant, I told my wife I could drive them home. In laws do not know I'm pregnant but will find out on Christmas day. They know I'm not much of a drinker anyway. We saw them again today and my wife confirmed that I wouldn't be drinking and could drive them home. MIL refused and said that they would stay.

It really bothers me they haven't asked. It never came up in any prior discussions about Christmas day, it only came up last week when my wife met her mum for lunch.

AIBU that I want them to at least ask if they can stay at ours and not just assume?

I’d like to hear the wife’s opinion on this, we’re only hearing one side.

It's not in the slightest bit trivial. Do you go to.peoples houses and inform them you're staying?

EconomyClassRockstar · Today 00:33

Reading some of these comments make me kind of sad. 10 years ago everyone were looking for a village and now everyone are seemingly just making themselves islands.

One person’s village is another person’s PITA. To invite yourself to someone else’s home is incredibly rude.

Wow, you love quoting me! I was replying to another poster in general terms about Mumsnet. Go and bore someone else.

But I don't care if theyre Judi dench or the Dalai fucking lama, you don't tell me you're staying in my house when you haven't been invited.

Some of DH's relatives do this. Its been a huge bone of contention between DH and I

I was responding to you, you lunatic. That's how a talk board works.

You are hilarious, go and bother someone else you bored weirdo.

I am a member of a big, big family. We all get along very well with each other and all in laws and extended (huge) family. We stay in each others' homes - some much more often than me, tbf - and have exactly the village mentioned above. We manage to have that without ever being massively entitled, selfish and rude to each other and respective partners/spouses. The fact that everyone is respectful and considerate is probably one of the main reasons why it genuinely works so well between us all.

Time to get the wife in on the situation and send them a message similar to this:

"Hi Presumptuous Relations,
We're sorry but we're unable to have you stay over this Christmas after the Christmas Day dinner. If you're unable to drive home, we'd really appreciate it if you could arrange a taxi home instead. (if you wanted to you could offer to collect them so that they only have 1 fare to pay instead of two). Our spare room isn't 'spare' any more and the couch really isn't suitable for the two of you. Apologies if this will change your festive celebrations but we were caught unawares when you said you were planning on staying the night and felt that we needed to clear up a few things.
Looking forward to seeing you on Christmas Day -
@Sesame2011 "

I love when people start composing messages for the OP.

If you have a spare room , whats the big deal? That's what it's for surely?

I feel with this one it's more your wife's place to tell them no than yours if she doesn't want them to stay either. Is she on the same page as you with this?

They invited themselves, that's the issue.

People saying its okay let them stay. They don't want them to stay and a solution has been found so they don't have to stay - its not like they live at the other end of the country - there's absolutely no reason for them to stay over. Personally I'd dismantle the spare bed but I'm petty like that.....

Wow, they are so entitled. You don't get to tell people you are staying at their place, you ask.

Lesbian married couples exist?

Don't comment on Mumsnet if you want to hear both sides as we only ever hear one side of the story.

We do know that OP's wife told her parents that OP would drive them home if they wanted to have a drink and didn't want to drive so she obviously agreed with OP at that point.

Trivial my arse.

It’s basic respect and manners to talk with the homeowners regardless of your relationship with them about staying in THEIR home, even more so when they are 15 minutes drive away and don’t actually need to stay there.

I wouldn’t go NC but I would definitely be laughing and thinking they were joking and inform them that once again, they would be driven to their home.

I don’t agree, lots of people try to tell both sides of the story to give a bit more clarity. Of course we’ll never know the whole story and they can be biased. The OP could easily have said ‘my wife agrees with me’ or ‘my wife is happy for them to stay’. That would probably change people’s opinions.

I wasn’t saying this particular post was trivial (although it seems an overreaction in my opinion); I was agreeing with the original post that some of the dramatic comments on MN are ridiculous. Going NC, leaving partners etc.

No it wouldn't change anything, because OP's wife is not the only one who should be considered. It's OP's home and she should still be consulted even if her wife is fine with it.

I think its shockingly rude of them and shows no manners at all. I would as I am awfully petty, invite some friends round and run out of room for them to stay!!! Super news for both you and your wife on the imminent arrival of your baby. I wish you both well x

Sorry. Definitely agree going NC and leaving partners is a bit dramatic unless there is some major backstory.

Lose it to what? Brunch with her wife’s parents? Grey rock, immediately!

Either get the blow up beds as suggested or just say - oh, that doesn’t work for us. Then stick to your guns.

They are being rude and you need to have your boundaries.