In laws have told us they are staying over on Christmas

[Sesame2011]

This year for Christmas, my wife and I are hosting her parents for dinner. We last spent Christmas day with them in 2021 (in 22 we spent it with my family and in 23 we were away on holiday over Christmas and new year).

I thought this year would be like last time, in laws would come over around lunchtime, we would do presents and eat and maybe play a couple games and they would leave early evening.

This year, last week, MIL has told us they are going to stay over at ours on Christmas night. We did not invite them to stay, they did not ask us. They told us.

They live a 15 min drive away and we assume they have decided this because they want to drink. (They are big social drinkers, we are not). As I'm pregnant, I told my wife I could drive them home. In laws do not know I'm pregnant but will find out on Christmas day. They know I'm not much of a drinker anyway. We saw them again today and my wife confirmed that I wouldn't be drinking and could drive them home. MIL refused and said that they would stay.

It really bothers me they haven't asked. It never came up in any prior discussions about Christmas day, it only came up last week when my wife met her mum for lunch.

AIBU that I want them to at least ask if they can stay at ours and not just assume?

Very rude to tell you that you’ll be accommodating them overnight! Would be a shame if the spare room and bed was cold, hard, lumpy, cluttered and miserable…

I would 100% take this on the chin with my in laws and welcome them. It's Xmas and one night. Tell them they're in charge of making brunch on Boxing Day.

It’s irritating. Bit rude but I’d say they won’t be around forever and one day your Wife would give anything for them to be here to annoy you both just one last time. It’s Christmas. Season of Good Will. If not now when!? Do it to be the bigger people and then make sure next year and year after you rotate. Could also make sure they have doubles so they might lose their sparkle early 😂.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Lovely news and get your own back when you drop the wee one round to their grandparents without asking! Honestly - there’s no sense sweating the small stuff and just say to your Wife… if it’s not one thing it’s your mother!

Don’t let that homophobia hit you as you backtrack out of this comment

Totally agree. It’s family. It’s one night and it’s Christmas. Suck it up. YABU.

I think I'd be staging a bed collapse. Oh dear, what a shame, can't get a new one until after Christmas now, anyway here's to number for a local taxi company so you can stay in your own bed.

They're roomies, gal pals, BFFs... who just happen to sleep in the same bed. Weird, huh?

Be careful about points of principle which might come back to bite you on the bum later.

Yes of course they are being rude, but if you actually don't mind them staying and it's just how they've told not asked, don't fall out. Do let them know what a favour you're doing them though; 15 mins drive away is the perfect distance to be able to help with future babysitting 😆

Really!? So cause a family rift over how someone asked (or didn’t) when OP already said if they had asked they’d of probably said yes. No sense upsetting the poor Wife this close to Christmas… plus with a wee one on way parents to be will maybe understand better when the bundle of joy is maybe one day their own… so many things in this life worth getting upset over but in laws (even if they have been a bit forward) wanting to spend even more time as a family not one of them. Think of those who would do anything to have family still here to annoy them.

@SweetBobby, you’ve not been back to apologise for your clumsy naivety or malicious homophobia. Have you disappeared back to the 50s or has MN sent you on a diversity course?

Maybe your wife wants them to stay..

Get ahead of this and book them a cab !
say no sorry doesn’t work for us atm

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Christ almighty.

Exactly this.

Isn’t it nice to have them stay? They obviously are very fond of you both and want to be in your company. I think it’s quite sweet, and great they can relax and have a drink.
It’s only one night… you never know, you might even enjoy yourself!
Congrats on the pregnancy!

Cynical attempt to convey homophobic views? It seems rather inconceivable that you are genuinely confused. I’m surprised your comment has not been removed

I can see why you'd be irritated by it but I'd just roll with it tbh. MN threads can encourage people to be incandescent about such things but I'd just shrug my shoulders at this one, seeing as you say they're nice enough people who you get along with.

Yes. Very simple. It doesn't suit, & we get to choose. Being honest about what suits and what doesn't is not drama. It's boundaries.

Yanbu. You can’t tell people you’re going to stay at their house, you can only ask if it would be possible to stay. It would absolutely enrage me. Especially as there’s no good reason when they live close by.
You just need to say “it’s not going to be possible for you to stay over but I’m happy to drive you home so you can have a drink”. If they are cheeky enough to ask why - “some personal plans we had for the later part of the evening”. If they probe further “sorry we really don’t want to discuss it more, but it’s no big deal as you’re only round the corner”.

Clearly OP and spouse are lizards and this is a case of parthenogenesis.

Exactly. They haven't been refused, the OP is pissed off that the in-laws didn't ask first. I get that - it's rude to assume.

But as the OP doesn't actually mind if they stay, it's all a storm in a teacup.

So the problem seems to be that the OP needs to find a way of getting over how she feels. If that's not the problem then frankly I'm clueless as to what is.

Reading some of these comments make me kind of sad. 10 years ago everyone were looking for a village and now everyone are seemingly just making themselves islands.

I am gay. I see no homophobia, and I'm sorry you felt the need to say this.

I see a comment from someone who has to externalise everything in their heads. It's pretty clear from the OP what the score is (though I had to read it twice TBH), but some people are incapable of not voicing what doesn't need to be said.

Without asking? If they are her parents they, or one of them, gave birth to her without asking!