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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws have told us they are staying over on Christmas

199 replies

Sesame2011 · 15/12/2024 21:45

This year for Christmas, my wife and I are hosting her parents for dinner. We last spent Christmas day with them in 2021 (in 22 we spent it with my family and in 23 we were away on holiday over Christmas and new year).

I thought this year would be like last time, in laws would come over around lunchtime, we would do presents and eat and maybe play a couple games and they would leave early evening.

This year, last week, MIL has told us they are going to stay over at ours on Christmas night. We did not invite them to stay, they did not ask us. They told us.

They live a 15 min drive away and we assume they have decided this because they want to drink. (They are big social drinkers, we are not). As I'm pregnant, I told my wife I could drive them home. In laws do not know I'm pregnant but will find out on Christmas day. They know I'm not much of a drinker anyway. We saw them again today and my wife confirmed that I wouldn't be drinking and could drive them home. MIL refused and said that they would stay.

It really bothers me they haven't asked. It never came up in any prior discussions about Christmas day, it only came up last week when my wife met her mum for lunch.

AIBU that I want them to at least ask if they can stay at ours and not just assume?

OP posts:
Itisjustmyopinion · 16/12/2024 12:22

Skyrainlight · 16/12/2024 11:23

Wow, they are so entitled. You don't get to tell people you are staying at their place, you ask.

I can’t think of a single family member (in laws included) I would kick out, or even worse go NC with as pp suggested, if they said I am going to stay here tonight

Nothing to do with protecting boundaries or them being entitled, it’s just not that big of a deal having people stay over in our house and our family don’t expect to be hosted, everyone just gets stuck in and helps particularly at Christmas

It would be a case of spare room is made up already, or here are some blankets and the sofa is there. Help yourself to what you need, I am off to bed and will see you in the morning

rookiemere · 16/12/2024 12:58

Our house is open to family, but our closest relatives live an hour away.

I find it very odd that people who live 15 minutes away want to stay over, even when a lift home has been offered. Suggests that they want to have a late night drinking session.

If I was their DD i.e. not the OP, I would say that you were planning an early night watching the christmas edition of university challenge and that if they want to stay they will need to sort out the bedding in the room and make their own breakfast.

It's very rude to force people into being overnight hosts when they have already kindly invited you for one meal, DPs or not.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 16/12/2024 13:09

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

Bless you lol

TinkerTiger · 16/12/2024 13:10

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

Confused
Fraaances · 16/12/2024 14:31

I popped back in to say Congratulations! (I forgot to before!)

BIossomtoes · 16/12/2024 14:54

I’d rather have them stay overnight than go out in the cold and drive for half an hour in the dark on Christmas Day. Especially if my only objection was that they told, rather than asked in a conversation I didn’t even hear.

Skyrainlight · 16/12/2024 15:06

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/12/2024 12:22

I can’t think of a single family member (in laws included) I would kick out, or even worse go NC with as pp suggested, if they said I am going to stay here tonight

Nothing to do with protecting boundaries or them being entitled, it’s just not that big of a deal having people stay over in our house and our family don’t expect to be hosted, everyone just gets stuck in and helps particularly at Christmas

It would be a case of spare room is made up already, or here are some blankets and the sofa is there. Help yourself to what you need, I am off to bed and will see you in the morning

Show quote history

I get that family can stay over, but basic manners is 'do you mind if I stay over' and not 'I'm staying over' especially since OP doesn't want them to stay and offered to drive them home so they could have a few drinks without it being an issue. NC is extreme.

phoenixrosehere · 16/12/2024 15:53

BIossomtoes · 16/12/2024 14:54

I’d rather have them stay overnight than go out in the cold and drive for half an hour in the dark on Christmas Day. Especially if my only objection was that they told, rather than asked in a conversation I didn’t even hear.

And OP rather drive and drop them off in their home.

Her and her partner are not big drinkers and her in-laws are. They can drink further in their own home and go sleep in their own bed afterwards. Why do they need to stay at OP and their daughter’s home when OP is happy to drop them off at home and they can do what they like and sleep in their own bed at home?

It’s weird that MIL has decided they are staying over when they haven’t in the past and they’re practically local.

helibirdcomp · 16/12/2024 17:07

It is difficult for your wife to confront her parents just before Christmas. That's a conversation to be had after the event about it never happening again. Rather than that you could try this: Get all booze out of the house. Wrap up in towels and lock it in the boot of the car if necessary. Do not tell them. I expect they will turn up with a nice bottle of wine and when they find there is nothing else to drink I think they will head home early. If you really want to speed up the process you can say you aren't having any alcohol in the house as you are pregnant and the smell makes you ill so please would they take their bottle away with them

Thursdaygirl · 16/12/2024 17:33

helibirdcomp · 16/12/2024 17:07

It is difficult for your wife to confront her parents just before Christmas. That's a conversation to be had after the event about it never happening again. Rather than that you could try this: Get all booze out of the house. Wrap up in towels and lock it in the boot of the car if necessary. Do not tell them. I expect they will turn up with a nice bottle of wine and when they find there is nothing else to drink I think they will head home early. If you really want to speed up the process you can say you aren't having any alcohol in the house as you are pregnant and the smell makes you ill so please would they take their bottle away with them

Good idea!

maverickfox · 16/12/2024 18:55

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 09:32

Haven't you answered your own question there?

Show quote history

Not really.

soupfiend · 16/12/2024 18:59

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

lol

Moonlicker · 16/12/2024 23:13

PearPartridge · 16/12/2024 10:06

I'm 53 and it was a joke. Good grief! 😀

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Humour ist verboten! 😄

MissDoubleU · 19/12/2024 14:58

“Hey MIL, I know DW already told you I would happily drive you home on Christmas evening, just confirming this. We won’t be rushing you out the door but I have been pretty burned out recently and looking forward to a cosy night with DW and having a big lie in and empty house on Boxing Day morning! Like I say, I won’t be drinking so driving you back won’t be a problem at all. Looking forward to spending the day with you! OP xx”

Welshmonster · 19/12/2024 15:00

Make it clear to wife that her parents are her responsibility. Feeding them, getting room ready etc.

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2024 15:29

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

And...thinks for a minute

And...the penny drops!

decorativecushions · 19/12/2024 15:42

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

😂😂😂😂
Just use your noggin for one second.

Tortielady · 19/12/2024 16:03

I'm as territorial as a wolverine with a festive hangover, so my immediate response would be "knickers to that. You'll be going home to your own bed." You can multiply that to the power of 10 if I thought their reason for wanting to stay was to get into a heavy drinking session - and that's regardless of pregnancy, health issues, etc. Me and my DH are in our sixties and we can take it or leave it, but we would both decline a role in someone else's morning after the night before😁

NormanBateslonglosttwin · 19/12/2024 16:06

I wouldn't let them stay over on the grounds I would not be told what was happening in my own home unless it was discussed with dh.

DurinsBane · 19/12/2024 17:30

HollopingHooligans · 15/12/2024 22:14

It's a mystery...

Show quote history

Can someone please explain to me how that happens? 🤣

Snkt · 19/12/2024 20:26

What’s the actual problem? It just sounds they want to spend time with you, spend the morning and you are just being stubborn. How is them staying over for one night going to affect you? Go to bed when you want to. I’m pregnant too and have had the most horrible first trimester yet people come over and stay as long as they like and I just do what I need to do.
also it’s nice to have people in your life that can just stay over without making it a big deal. It’s Christmas, I suggest you relax and enjoy and let them enjoy.

StrikeForever · 20/12/2024 01:48

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

Really? That is very quaintly outdated of you 🤣

NavyOrca · 20/12/2024 01:51

SweetBobby · 15/12/2024 22:07

I'm confused, you say you're pregnant but also mention your wife?

Anyway, just tell them no and that you'll be dropping them off home.

No, you’re not confused. It’s very possible for gay couples to have children, and quite rightly so.

Swiftie1878 · 20/12/2024 09:33

This is on your wife, not you.

Personally, I treat Christmas differently to other times of year and would want family to feel they could expect to stay if they wanted to. Other times of year, they’d need to ask though.

But this isn’t your family. It’s your wife’s and she needs to make the call and set the boundaries, hopefully taking your feelings into account.
You need to decide if you accept your wife’s decision.

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