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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite single mother sister to my house for Xmas

202 replies

Anuta77 · 15/12/2024 16:30

So my sister seems to have some issue with me around me not initiating weekend plans with her. She's a single mother of a 5 year old son she had from a donor. My nephew loves my 7 year old son and often wants to spend time with him, so my sister would often initiate weekend plans with us. In some way, I always felt like it was mostly to entertain her son as she would barely communicate with me during the week.

In November she decided to have a fight with me because I wasn't available to do some activity with them (I had plans and she was upset that I didn't want to cancel my plans to see our elderly mom and/or didn't notify her that I was going to visit mom). Basically it was just a manifestation of some deep issue she has. After our facebook exchange, she blocked me there.

I saw her beginning of Dec for her son's birthday. She tried to act like nothing happened. I didn't allow this as I'm tired of her tantrums and ungreatfulness (I have helped her several times including when she was sick, invited her to my cottage, etc). She decided to mirror my coldness.

Next day was my birthday, she came with her son, barely uttered Happy birthday (supposedly because I didn't congratulate her with her son's birthday eventhough I came to the party for him!), didn't have a gift, sat on the sofa with her phone while I was setting the table, didn't control her son who was throwing my son's toys everywhere, didn't help even to put some plates to the sink...About our issue said that I, as usual, don't understand her. Nothing more.

Never unblocked me on Facebook, but wrote to me on WhatsUp when she needed my help for something.

I don't feel like inviting her to our house for Xmas, but I will invite my mom so she will know most probably. AIBU?

OP posts:
Wordless · 15/12/2024 16:38

The two of you are each parents now - maybe you should both grow up?

Is this the sort of petty, nitpicking behaviour, with reports of who did what on SM (!) that you want to model for your children?

Jumell · 15/12/2024 16:47

From what you’ve said - YANBU OP

I wouldn’t invite her

Onelovelyone · 15/12/2024 16:47

You should not invite who you do not want to be with at Christmas, especially so as you seem to feel as strongly as you do. It seems as though there has been a communication issue between you both and it’s a pity as it sounds as though it might have been nice for your children to have that relationship, if possible.

Where this post loses me is why it is necessary to mention specifically that she is a single mother and indeed that she conceived her child via a donor. It feels as though - intentional or not - that there is a level of judgment about her choice as it does not add to the context of your post. Is it possible that this may be what she is responding to/feeling on some level.

Perhaps you could both meet before Christmas and see if you can resolve things as this must be feeling pretty stressful for you both.

Original poster
Anuta77 · 15/12/2024 16:47

Wordless · 15/12/2024 16:38

The two of you are each parents now - maybe you should both grow up?

Is this the sort of petty, nitpicking behaviour, with reports of who did what on SM (!) that you want to model for your children?

Your message helped a lot...Not

OP posts:
Jimjamssy · 15/12/2024 16:50

I wouldn't invite her either.
She is a user and thinks she can dictate your life to suit her.
If you are enjoying not being around her, let it remain.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 15/12/2024 16:53

Onelovelyone · 15/12/2024 16:47

You should not invite who you do not want to be with at Christmas, especially so as you seem to feel as strongly as you do. It seems as though there has been a communication issue between you both and it’s a pity as it sounds as though it might have been nice for your children to have that relationship, if possible.

Where this post loses me is why it is necessary to mention specifically that she is a single mother and indeed that she conceived her child via a donor. It feels as though - intentional or not - that there is a level of judgment about her choice as it does not add to the context of your post. Is it possible that this may be what she is responding to/feeling on some level.

Perhaps you could both meet before Christmas and see if you can resolve things as this must be feeling pretty stressful for you both.

This is it for me... it feels like there's judgement there or a feeling as though her choice to be a single mum has somehow put her in a bad situation -

I got the vibe that you think that because shes a single mum, her wanting the kids to play together is her asking for your help. it may not be your intention, op, it's just how it comes across

WTFWilma · 15/12/2024 16:53

I read the donor detail to mean there's no partner on the scene to help with childcare, etc.

Rowen32 · 15/12/2024 16:54

I remember your last post, did you just show up at the party as I know she hadn't mentioned it to you?
Invite who you want but it would probably be good to actually talk and have it all out with her as nothing is going to get resolved otherwise, one way or another.
You mentioned in your last post and this one, it was a donor pregnancy. That seems really unfair to bring up, it bears no relevance that I can see to the issue so why mention it..

AnyoneSomeone · 15/12/2024 16:55

What has her being a single parent got to do with it? You both sound as petty as each other.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 15/12/2024 16:57

'Not to invite single mother sister' Jesus! Yabvu, your sister deserves better.

unchienandalucia · 15/12/2024 16:58

Seriously you both sound petty and juvenile. I pity the poor kids tbh.

Anon1274 · 15/12/2024 16:59

AnyoneSomeone · 15/12/2024 16:55

What has her being a single parent got to do with it? You both sound as petty as each other.

It provides context, presumably the op is pointing out she will otherwise be alone as the child doesn’t have a father in their lives. And this is also why she’s relying purely on the op for all of her entertainment and company

Quitelikeit · 15/12/2024 17:01

The pair of you need to grow up

Sushu · 15/12/2024 17:09

How does your mum feel about it? You’re effectively asking her to choose between you. Will your sister and nephew be alone? If so, that’s not the sort of thing I’d want to do to my nephew.

I agree with the poster who suggested to meet and clear the air. Nothing you’ve said she’s done sounds awful. Perhaps you’re misunderstanding each other’s communication styles. Be the bigger person and ask to meet her.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 15/12/2024 17:11

Anuta77 · 15/12/2024 16:47

Your message helped a lot...Not

Show quote history

I mean...you just proved that posters point, didn't you?

You both sound as bad as each other. Imagine leaving your nephew to celebrate with just his mother - because you are punishing him for your disagreement with his mother - and forcing your mother to pick between her daughters.

Tbh I think you come across worse here than your sister does.

Viviennemary · 15/12/2024 17:12

You are both at fault. Stop these childish games

ExcludedatfiveFML · 15/12/2024 17:14

Facebook is a pile of shite, first step is to delete it and be done with social media pettiness.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 15/12/2024 17:15

Your son loves his cousin and
you think it’s a good idea to keep them apart on Christmas Day? ridiculous!

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/12/2024 17:15

What does your mum say about it?

JohnMcClanesVest · 15/12/2024 17:17

She's a single mother of a 5 year old son she had from a donor.

How she conceived is irrelevant. A bit like this reply.

ohyesido · 15/12/2024 17:21

You keep calling the child her son instead your nephew. Do you hate him for some reason?

MumOfOneAllAlone · 15/12/2024 17:22

ohyesido · 15/12/2024 17:21

You keep calling the child her son instead your nephew. Do you hate him for some reason?

Tell Tea Time GIF by Dreezy

Something about the original post tells me its how he was conceived

ohyesido · 15/12/2024 17:24

Is this another of those bot posts we keep seeing?

DaftyLass · 15/12/2024 17:25

It comes across as you saying 'you chose a donor so you chose to go it alone, don't look to my child for entertainment for yours'

OrwellianTimes · 15/12/2024 17:28

You sound like you’ve long disliked her and thought yourself better than her, and now she’s responding to your treatment of her.

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