To cancel Christmas as I’m tired of being let down by my kids

[Toffeelover]

I’m a single mum with 3 young adult boys, who are all different ages but are taking a gap year and are going travelling (separately) next year.
I've decided that I am going to travel too and am letting the house out.
The photographer comes on Tuesday.
i have a shit load of work to do to transform the house from looking like student digs to “Airbnb friendly”.
i bought a new larger bed for one son, but it was not assembled & I’ve had to find & pay for someone to come and do it. They can only come on Sunday and DS1 is massively put out that his lie in will be disturbed.
DS2 was supposed to come home from his gf to help clear his room but has gone AWOL and is not answering his phone.
I asked DS3 to change some lightbulbs for me whilst I was out. He sent me a message asking for £50 for the inconvenience. I got home to find he’d only done half.
And to cap it all, I’d offered to pay for DS3’s flight if he takes the cat to the cat sitter, thus alleviating me of massive stress (I’ll be in bits leaving the lovely creature) but also allowing me to travel 2 weeks early. He’s just booked his flight before mine leaving me up shit creek.

I’m already struggling to get the house ready and really can’t be bothered to put a Christmas tree up or shop and cook a Christmas dinner. They’d only be the 4 of us anyway.

i feel like I don’t want to give them the money I usually do for Christmas either as they’ve all left me in the lurch and frankly I’ve had enough.

Jesus, reading this back, I come across as a complete doormat.

what do you think?

YANBU - they sound like selfish buggers, sorry OP.

To he'll with them. Go and enjoy yourself. Hopefully a neighbour could help with the cat sitter.

They're adults. If they can't respect you and help you out as their mother then I wouldn't do a single damn thing for any of them

Also - don’t send them the money and treat yourself to something nice instead. Hope you get it all sorted. 💐

Your son charged you £50 to put in some new lightbulbs?! Bloody hell. They all sound proper selfish. Leave them to it.

They're young adults. They won't be fully emotionally mature yet so I think yabu. It's their Xmas and you're lucky to have the time with them and lucky to have plans to travel. You might be stressed but as the parent surely you want to spend a nice Xmas with them.

I'd take their keys off them before you go...

Wouldn't trust them not to come back early and squat!

Even my not fully mature teenagers know that all of what OP has described is disgraceful behaviour. You can't excuse their behaviour because they are young.

Adults now?
Get them permanently out.
I wouldn't do a thing.
Let them off.
They sound like complete wasters.
Stop tolerating it.
Clearly you have been far too soft.
It never ends well.

Remove their keys from them.
You are only asking for stress by allowing them to keep them.
Change the lock barrel if necessary.

You need a break from them, don't do Xmas and relax instead

I'm really interested in where you're going to go when you're travelling. I'd focus on that now.

I'd cook a roast dinner and buy a few chocolate treats and give them something like £50. I'd tell them that's what they're getting beforehand. Tell them they've let you down and their laziness is costing you a fortune.

I hope you manage to sort out your cat.

I'd put the photographer off until it suited me.

@Mylifeisamesssuchamess how will the Op have a nice Christmas with them? None of her sons want to help her and expect money for doing anything for their own DM. It will be a bloody good wake up call for the lot of them Op, maybe when you stop doing what they expect they'll realize how poorly they've treated you. If they feel able to use you like this they're not going to be good DHs or DFs

Well its hardly going to be made better by taking a stand at Xmas when you've probably had months/years of similar behaviour when it could have been addressed. It could potentially get one of very few Christmases they spend together as they could stay abroad, find partners, have kids etc.

The unreasonable part is the behaviour you put up with from them. Wtf 😳 that’s a horrible way to treat your mother or frankly, your housemate! Outrageous entitlement. Why is your son not assembling his own bed, or at least helping you to do it? As for paying for lightbulbs to be changed, words fail me.

Actually no they don’t. How many entitled young men does it take to change a lightbulb?

one. He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

They sound awfully selfish and self-absorbed.
Apparently as single moms we overcompensate, so take a break now. Give them no money, cancel Christmas and then enjoy your travels! I'm sure you deserve it.

There's only one way to stop being a doormat - STAND UP!

Selfish, grabby, immature gits. Unbelievable. They’d be getting nothing from me.

Just push through and do the bare minimum until you get on that flight. How exciting!

I’m often amazed on here at how many people have managed to raise selfish , ungrateful children . I am in no way worlds best mum , and on the face of it mine looked a bit spoiled but they are both lovely adults who would do anything for you . YANBU @Toffeelover but it must make you wonder where you went wrong .

The one thing I think we can agree on @Mylifeisamesssuchamess is that this hasn't come out of nowhere. The Op's sons have been like this for some time, it's only now in a crisis it's become the last straw.

Well, they sound like they couldn't wait to live their own lives.

i bought a new larger bed for one son, but it was not assembled & I’ve had to find & pay for someone to come and do it. They can only come on Sunday and DS1 is massively put out that his lie in will be disturbed He either gets up early, with good grace, and gets out of the way, or he needs to find somewhere else to stay tonight. If he’s not out of bed at the time you want him to be, then you’ll be cancelling the assembly appointment and selling the bed to whoever can collect it that day.

DS2 was supposed to come home from his gf to help clear his room but has gone AWOL and is not answering his phone. Everything goes in a bin bag and out in the back garden.

I asked DS3 to change some lightbulbs for me whilst I was out. He sent me a message asking for £50 for the inconvenience. I got home to find he’d only done half Please, please tell me you told him to fuck right off?

And to cap it all, I’d offered to pay for DS3’s flight if he takes the cat to the cat sitter, thus alleviating me of massive stress (I’ll be in bits leaving the lovely creature) but also allowing me to travel 2 weeks early. He’s just booked his flight before mine leaving me up shit creek Did you pay for it? I really hope you didn’t.

I’m already struggling to get the house ready and really can’t be bothered to put a Christmas tree up or shop and cook a Christmas dinner. They’d only be the 4 of us anyway Don’t do it. They don’t give a shit about doing the basics to pull their weight in the family home, so why would you give a shit about making sure they have a lovely day? All you need to be thinking about is what you’re cooking for yourself. And they are NOT having any of it.

i feel like I don’t want to give them the money I usually do for Christmas either as they’ve all left me in the lurch and frankly I’ve had enough Don’t you dare! DS1 has had a new bed. DS2 has had you clear his room for him; that’s labour costs. DS3 has had £50 and a flight paid for. At most, they get a Christmas card. No lovely messages about what a wonderful son they are either.

Tell them you're not "doing" Christmas, and leave it to them if they want to arrange something themselves IF you can trust them to clean up after themselves. If not, just say "no Christmas". Either way, do exactly as you like on the day.

Also, this may be unfair, but DS1 and DS2 sound immature and self-absorbed, but nothing way out of the ordinary. DS3, though, really sounds like an arsehole.

I'd also like to hear about your trip, if you wanna talk about it.

This is ridiculous, OP. You poor thing - your sons sound as though they need a reality check! You should prioritize yourself for once.

Thank you so much for your pretty unilateral messages. I knew when I wrote this post what I was hoping you’d say and you came through as I’d hoped.
i am done being a doormat.
I've made it clear to them that the rubicon has been crossed and they all need to find somewhere else to live when they return from travelling.
i’ll be lonely but it will be a healthier dynamic for me