To cancel Christmas as I’m tired of being let down by my kids

[Toffeelover]

I’m a single mum with 3 young adult boys, who are all different ages but are taking a gap year and are going travelling (separately) next year.
I've decided that I am going to travel too and am letting the house out.
The photographer comes on Tuesday.
i have a shit load of work to do to transform the house from looking like student digs to “Airbnb friendly”.
i bought a new larger bed for one son, but it was not assembled & I’ve had to find & pay for someone to come and do it. They can only come on Sunday and DS1 is massively put out that his lie in will be disturbed.
DS2 was supposed to come home from his gf to help clear his room but has gone AWOL and is not answering his phone.
I asked DS3 to change some lightbulbs for me whilst I was out. He sent me a message asking for £50 for the inconvenience. I got home to find he’d only done half.
And to cap it all, I’d offered to pay for DS3’s flight if he takes the cat to the cat sitter, thus alleviating me of massive stress (I’ll be in bits leaving the lovely creature) but also allowing me to travel 2 weeks early. He’s just booked his flight before mine leaving me up shit creek.

I’m already struggling to get the house ready and really can’t be bothered to put a Christmas tree up or shop and cook a Christmas dinner. They’d only be the 4 of us anyway.

i feel like I don’t want to give them the money I usually do for Christmas either as they’ve all left me in the lurch and frankly I’ve had enough.

Jesus, reading this back, I come across as a complete doormat.

what do you think?

Your tolerance for such selfishness when you return will have vanished.
Do not allow them to move back in.
If you do it will be only harder to get them out.
They are a disgrace looking for £50 to change bulbs.
I would NOT forget that.

???????

Op just stop. You have reduced your adult son to tears.
At the very least offer them an opportunity to fix it, maybe they all make a dish - starter, main and dessert each. They clean up afterwards etc.

Good on you for doing something for yourself! Inspired!

£50?! We never got £50 even when we helped our parents out all year.

OP, tell DS3 he owes you the money for the flight, due by x.
Hope you told him where to go where he asked for £50 for lightbulbs.

Tell DS2 he comes and clears his stuff or you're binning it.

And tell DS1 he is free to do it himself if he wants a lie in.

It sounds like this is the year to show your NVDS's that acting like selfish, mean idjits all year comes with consequences. Make plans for yourself for Christmas Day, no gifts, no money for the "boys" and be gone before they get up and don't answer your phone for the day.

You are the only one who can stop you being a doormat and verbal/emotional punching bag.

Can't believe some of the responses on here that this is how young people are. No, this is how young shit heads are. Lots of people in their 20s are thoughtful, mature and well able to help their parents.

Again this excuse about young people's brains not being developed. So it gives them permission to be awful people to the very person who brought them up. I don't buy it sorry. Is a switch flicked at the age of, what is it 25 and they turn into model citizens? Rubbish, they continue to be the awful people women on MN complain about.

Absolutely nothing. I don’t think it’s nasty to point out that it’s op being a doormat that has caused this. It seems like she’s listened to people and is finally putting her foot down.

Off traveling into the world, yet can't put together some flat pack and think it's a chore to change a light bulb.
Let's hope travelling toughens them up a bit, quite pathetic really aren't they?
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, do whatever YOU want to do, and hope they return from their travels as better rounded Individuals!

Why is ds1 sobbing? Is it because he's feeling guilty or is it because he's getting kicked out?

I think, its good progress. It sounds like at least ds1 and ds2 have realises that this is serious. If they regret their selfishness then I'd welcome them back with open arms. I mean don't spend more money on them or a lot of time so they understand ghat you wear serious but have a good sit down chat to explain how it has blown up like this and then have a nice Xmas. If you think they have seen the light then don't kick them out when you come back.

Well done OP. If they've been to uni the youngest must be at least 21. Such a shame as my understanding is most children go to uni and come back with more appreciation for their parents who do so much for them. I hope you won't be bailing them out financially whilst they are on gap years and run out of money (barring genuine emergency needed) and they will be working whilst away!

He went AWOL when you needed him and he didn't answer his phone. That's not near enough of a "better son" to be given any grace.

I hope you stick to your plans and not give in to the whining and fake crying because they aren't going to get the "Prince" treatment when they've behaved like jackasses.

I am sure DS3 will regret not getting his flight paid when he starts running out of money!

I hope you are all able to build more adult relationships when they begin to mature, and yes DS2 sounds like he is first in that queue thus far!

Because the cat sitter can only do 2 months max and I’m able to travel for longer. So my sons can keep working to save money to travel and I can extend my trip by going away whilst they are still here

And charging him for every dinner you've provided/washing load done.

100% this!
Have a wonderful time travelling OP, and I hope your boys have a ball too! What an exciting year you will all have, and hopefully you can come together this time next year for a reunion/celebration and they'll be older, wiser, and kinder to their mum. X

Oh, yes. They act like spoiled, entitled, nasty twat waffles for 11 1/2 months, but since one fake-cried, let's get the party hats out.

OP--I hope you are stronger than that. This year will be difficult, but they will have several months to think about, and digest how they contributed to the result of this year's holiday. Maybe, when they come back, they'll act like men and not full-grown toddler brats who try to extort their own Mom when she needs help.

Go for it!

It sounds like they need a bit of a short, sharp shock and to grow up a bit! Cancel Christmas, don’t give them any money and don’t bail them out while they’re on their ‘gap year’. Good for you taking time out to travel yourself too. Enjoy. I hope it isn’t too stressful and you have a fantastic trip

I’ve thanked you for your response but would like to double-y thank you if that’s possible.
of course, this behaviour doesn’t spring up overnight & none of us are perfect parents.
Thanks for jumping to my defence

I’m going for 2 months and yes, it’s chaotic as I’m leaving mid Jan & we’ve got Christmas and my sons are all working FT but FFS we’ve all worked FT and raised children haven’t we. There’s nothing more stressful than that

Exactly. I’d expect that behaviour from a 3yr old, not a near adult.

As their only proper adult female role model I think it sets them and their future partners (assuming they are heterosexual) up for a lifetime of the same issues if you roll over again.

Have you given them a set date to be out, so you can travel leaving the house empty?

Agree with a previous poster on the lock change - as soon as the final dc goes, lock change. Both for your own peace of mind and the minds of the Air B&B guests who won't get random blokes rocking up of their travels fail.