To cancel Christmas as I’m tired of being let down by my kids

[Toffeelover]

I’m a single mum with 3 young adult boys, who are all different ages but are taking a gap year and are going travelling (separately) next year.
I've decided that I am going to travel too and am letting the house out.
The photographer comes on Tuesday.
i have a shit load of work to do to transform the house from looking like student digs to “Airbnb friendly”.
i bought a new larger bed for one son, but it was not assembled & I’ve had to find & pay for someone to come and do it. They can only come on Sunday and DS1 is massively put out that his lie in will be disturbed.
DS2 was supposed to come home from his gf to help clear his room but has gone AWOL and is not answering his phone.
I asked DS3 to change some lightbulbs for me whilst I was out. He sent me a message asking for £50 for the inconvenience. I got home to find he’d only done half.
And to cap it all, I’d offered to pay for DS3’s flight if he takes the cat to the cat sitter, thus alleviating me of massive stress (I’ll be in bits leaving the lovely creature) but also allowing me to travel 2 weeks early. He’s just booked his flight before mine leaving me up shit creek.

I’m already struggling to get the house ready and really can’t be bothered to put a Christmas tree up or shop and cook a Christmas dinner. They’d only be the 4 of us anyway.

i feel like I don’t want to give them the money I usually do for Christmas either as they’ve all left me in the lurch and frankly I’ve had enough.

Jesus, reading this back, I come across as a complete doormat.

what do you think?

I think you need to send a message like this:

Hi kids

I know this is a really exciting and busy time for all of us, but I’m really disappointed that you’ve left me in the lurch with sorting the house out. Unfortunately because I have so much to do to get ready to lease the house, it’s just left me without time to do any of the usual Christmas things.

So please don’t expect a pile of presents and a Christmas feast. It will be a Sunday roast and no gifts this year. And you lot will be on washing up duty! I would very much like this Christmas, for us to focus on spending time with one another, before we head off on our travels in the NY.

hopefully by the time we’re all back here next for Christmas, you’ll have matured a bit, and realized how important it is for family to help each other- not just take all the time!

love you all, you twats* (or admonishment of choice)

mum”

I think you’re absolutely right not to put yourself out for them. But also I wouldn’t want us all to leave on a sour note so I’d sit them down and talk seriously about what needs to be done before you go. And get a takeaway on Christmas Day - lots of Indian places are open round here - sit down together as four adults and enjoy each others company for the day.

Yes, only I’d change the roast to a frozen pizza

@Toffeelover perhaps you going off and them having to do their own thing will wake them up to how much you do and how important their mum is . I hope so , enjoy your travels .

This is brilliant, I’m going to pretty much use it word for word! Thank you.

Life is so much easier when you have a bit of support ❤️

It's not hard to put a bed together, as long as you have some screwdrivers/allan keys and preferably two people. Why isn't the new owner of the bed doing it?

And charging you to change some light bulbs? Seriously?

They are selfish shits, all three of them.
I'm sorry for you OP 💐

They didn’t suddenly become like this overnight, which means that you were part of the problem. Hopefully, this will be the catalyst for a permanent change from your enablement of their shitty behaviour.

£50 to change lightbulbs??

Did you give them money for chores growing up? Where does he get this mentality from? It’s outrageous.

I am shocked. My kids are 20 and 22 and I would be appalled if they behaved like this.

Enough OP.

I couldn't do it and I'm in my 40s. I'm shit at stuff like that. And the last time I changed a light bulb I pressed too hard and it shattered in my hand.

You raised those 3 boys @Toffeelover

Another single mum here of a young adult son. You've had some good advice up thread. Apologies but they are selfish shits. I would spend their Christmas present money on an organisation/sorting/clearing company ( what is the correct wording). That should help clear clutter, get things out of the house to the charity shops, tip etc driven by an independent 3rd party. Where are your sons intending to leave their possessions whilst the house is let out? Give them a deadline date 2 weeks before you hand over keys.

Would absolutely love to hear your travel plans!

Tell your son to assemble his own bed - it’s not hard.

Wtaf with charging for lightbulb changing ? I live with my young adult sons and they do simple tasks like that to save me time. (I’m a single mum)

They're old enough to go travelling on their own so they're old enough to show some basic consideration. I hate this infantilisation of young adults. My adult grandchildren don't behave like this.

Stop exchanging tasks for cash!! Just ask them to help out for nothing. It makes it seem like then you have to pay for their time!

Don’t know how old ‘young adult’ is in this context, OP, but just wanted to say that IME there’s a world of difference between an 18/19 year old and a kid in their early-mid 20s. The selfishness gene looms large in the younger ones, and their brains aren’t fully cooked until they’re 25-ish, so hopefully this won’t be forever!

What's nice about spending your Christmas with someone who doesn't give a shit?
When are we going to start treating young adults as what they are and not little toddlers? I don't get it.
What happened to times when someone who was twenty was capable of making their own decisions? Right now, it's like we are dumbing them down, oh, my baby, you're so emotionally immature, just stay in bed while I'm cleaning up everything and make sure you're not disturbed while I'm preparing your breakfast, I'm so happy you honour me by spending your free time with me.

Fuck it. Why does motherhood mean you're a doormat to brats?

Honestly... I'd go now.

Book a hotel, cat to the catsitter and off you fuck at your earliest possible convenience and tell them 'the free dosshouse is shut, piss off'.

It won’t be lonely.
It’ll be peaceful.
It’ll be serene.
It’ll be neat and tidy.
And you’ll have your kitty curled up on your lap, purring and content.
Sounds like a dream to me.

Yes they can be sometimes lazy and selfish but they are also capable of being kind and following instructions. And not want to see their mum ground down.

No way would I tolerate this from my 20 and 22y olds. I wouldn’t have tolerated it at 16 and younger actually. Respect and compassion is taught early. This ‘brain not cooked’ stuff is nonsense when it comes down to basic courtesy like this. Nope.

Honestly 🙄

They sound awful, op. Time to teach them to respect you.

I can honestly say they were the most polite, thoughtful, kind and wonderful boys until they went to Uni and now they feel that the world owes them a living. I constantly speak to them about their inherent entitlement and their misogyny in thinking they can leave me to sort out their shit. But I realise I need to take a firmer stand

Best post I have read in ages!
I had my first child just after I turned 23, even with my 'uncooked' brain I managed to raise him into a wonderful young man.
I don't think we allow our children to mature at a reasonable rate anymore - how long before someone discovers that parts of the brain don't mature until they are 35? What do we do then, keep them in buggies until they are 15?
Of course young adults don't always make amazing decisions but they should be learning from their mistakes.
I would have kicked these three piss takers out a long time ago.

You allowed your son to charge you £50? Yes you do sound like a doormat

Right?! In a house he lives in 😂. I’d be taking the light bulb out of his room.