Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

[Zebedee999]

I buy my son in laws thoughtful and expensive (£100-£400) long lasting useful gifts on special occasions as I want them to have useful things for life.
The trouble is neither of these men are what could be described as clean, careful, tidy etc so everything I get them ends up lost, broken or damaged in some other way.
As I am a bit OCD'ish and care for my own stuff this stresses me then I end up nagging them as to "who could have taken Gift XYZ from their house and never returned it?" etc.
I have decided, for my sanity, and to stop me nagging them, I simply won't buy them anything physoical anymore. I'll pay for a meal out etc but no more gifts for everyone's sake.
I appreciate as men once they receive a gift what they do with it is up to them but I find it hurtful when yet another gift is lost/damaged etc.

AIBU?

You never needed to buy them such excessive gifts in the first place, did you?

I think buying an experience like a meal or a day out somewhere is a perfectly fine gift.

If they do want something you could give them money towards it and then you may not feel the 'ownership' of the object when they mal treat it compared to when you buy it for them out right.

No. But as they were starting out in life as couples I thought such gifts would help set them up. For example ironing board + iron + heated clothes rail. Tool kit and so on.
I could have bought them a box of chocolates but I thought useful long term would be better. Is that wrong ?

I'd buy them something like a case of wine, unless they have a problem with alcohol. They don't appreciate what you get them, so don't buy them a physical gift.

Wouldn't give this one moment of thought. There was no need to spend so much to begin with, just stick a tenner in a money card or whatever.

"A bit OCDish"?

Ocd is a debilitating condition, not being careful with your own stuff.

Yabu for that sentence alone.

Just get them a 3 for 2 Lynx gift set from Boots

For example ironing board + iron + heated clothes rail.

that is not a great Christmas present for anyone…

If my mother in law bought me an iron for Christmas I'd give it back to her

You bought your son in law an ironing board and iron for £400? 😳

OP, I think a cinema voucher or meal out would be great. Let them buy their own ironing boards and tool sets. Maybe they just want a cheap thing they don't need to be so careful with. Or maybe they sold it for the cash if they didn't really want it in the first place.

Once you give a gift, you no longer have responsibility for it.

I thinknthey just have different priorities to you.

You bought your son in laws an iron and ironing board for Christmas?

I would be upset if my in laws thought that was an appropriate Christmas gift.

I have severe OCD and even medicated, sometimes it's all I can do to stay alive. YABU for that.

YABU to buy an iron as a Christmas present. They probably think you're batshit.

Not everyone likes a practical gift OP. And I believe that once you gift something it is none of your business as to what the recipient does with it.

I do know what you mean about not being responsible with things, but these are no longer your things.

Get the voucher and have done with it.

An iron and ironing board 🤣

You gave your SIL an ironing board, an iron and a heated clothes rack for Christmas? 😂😂then nagged him when he lost/broke or damaged it? Can you genuinely not see this is quite strange?

Surely if you’re buying an iron, ironing board and a heated airer for your son in law for Christmas, it’s for your daughter too? Maybe she’s the one who hasn’t looked after it?

I bought DS2 & DDIL a vacuum cleaner 2 years ago for Christmas, because they asked for it, (amongst other things) I don’t really care what they do with it because it’s not mine. In over 30yrs of marriage my MIL has never asked me about a present she’s give me either.

The iron went kaput earlier this week so I went out to get a new one yesterday. I specifically said to my husband that he'd better not consider it as a Christmas present, or he'd need surgery to remove it. I was reminded of a friend whose husband bought her a toaster for Christmas. When she remonstrated with him, he said, rather pathetically, that it did 4 slices at once...

I think there are better gifts than household appliances unless they are requested.

How do you lose or damage an ironing board? They’re fairly indestructible aren’t they and I don’t imagine you’d take it out of the house.

I absolutely love a practical present! All those sniggering at the thought, why? Better a chainsaw than yet another unwanted set of Bayliss and Harding handwash and handcream,

Is there no middle ground? Like a nice normal present?

I would love to see my husband’s face if my mum got him a heated airer! As it is, she will get him a bottle of whisky and some nuts like always and they will both be happy.

People on MN don't give 'normal' presents; they're all 'thoughtful'...

Unless they've asked for it an iron is a shit gift