Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

[Zebedee999]

I buy my son in laws thoughtful and expensive (£100-£400) long lasting useful gifts on special occasions as I want them to have useful things for life.
The trouble is neither of these men are what could be described as clean, careful, tidy etc so everything I get them ends up lost, broken or damaged in some other way.
As I am a bit OCD'ish and care for my own stuff this stresses me then I end up nagging them as to "who could have taken Gift XYZ from their house and never returned it?" etc.
I have decided, for my sanity, and to stop me nagging them, I simply won't buy them anything physoical anymore. I'll pay for a meal out etc but no more gifts for everyone's sake.
I appreciate as men once they receive a gift what they do with it is up to them but I find it hurtful when yet another gift is lost/damaged etc.

AIBU?

Partner is different to in-laws and parents though. It's not unusual for parents and in laws to buy things a couple setting up home need surely?

A voucher for an experience - meal out, night away, theatre tickets or similar.

You said that you'd bought him an iron and ironing board and that you were upset that he'd lost the expensive gift you'd bought????

I don't think the gifts were " lost"
Probably returned 😬

What did he do with the iron?

I would love a heated airer. Do these things exist? OP, can you get me one?

@Zebedee999
Huh? You did so say you got him an iron. Why are you saying people made this up? And you said everything you gave him was lost damaged or broken

I thought such gifts would help set them up. For example ironing board + iron + heated clothes rail.

It isn’t wrong but once you’ve given the gift then forget it……otherwise if it’s going to cause grief just buy them a bottle of something

How did they 'lose' any of those wonderful gifts or, better still, break them? Probably threw them out of the door to break them! If a MIL bought her DIL those items for Christmas the site would explode with indignation.

OK I see that the iron was a present for both of them when they moved into together, so a bit more understandable. I'm still intrigued by what he has done with the iron though

Just buy a nice bottle of whisky

That was the first Xmas present I got from MIL, along with a pair of grandma slippers - which I gave to my mum. It perfectly conveyed her idea of my role in the family. 😂

Perhaps they went surfing and didn't have a surfboard.

I'm bemused as to why you a) gave these things to your SIL(s?) rather than your dd(s?) as well and b) why you're blaming the SIL for things going missing and c) why your checking said ironing board and tool kit?

I’d sooner buy something they used and eventually broke rather than something not used or just to look at

Wasn't there a post years and years ago about someone who lost her ironing board in a studio flat? I wonder if it ever materialised?

I don’t think you have the right to nag (your words) them about the location of their household items or other things you bought them.

You have decided that your gifts need to be worthwhile long lasting items but the items you’ve mentioned, I prefer to choose myself. People often just like much cheaper treat type stuff for gifts. Doesn’t have to be money (as I suspect you’d want to know exactly what they spent it on) but frivolous stuff like aftershave, alcohol, fancy chocolate, restaurant voucher etc.

Just to add.
I think the idea behind your gifts was very generous and thoughtful... but they are things I would give to them as a housewarming pres.. not Christmas or Birthdays.
Its a lot of money and they don't appreciate them.... so it would be smaller consumable Xmas presents in future if it was me.

How do you even know that they have misused the gifts you have purchased for them?

But you still check with them first. Last year we gave DS2 & DDIL money towards their living room blinds. This year DDIL wants surprises and DS2 wants an expensive pizza oven so he’s having that but we’ve all chipped in.

This thread is confusing? You did say you had bought an iron(plus other stuff) as an example of something that had been lost/broken. Also in that scenario your daughter could also have lost/broken it surely as they must both use it? In future, perhaps a book and some chocolates or a voucher would be better. I would feel guilty if my in laws spent so much on my present, especially if it was one I didn’t want/need. Our in laws have before bought us “household things” but it was something we had asked for- a window vac.

Buying someone a gift that comes with expectation is not ideal. Questioning someone about the whereabouts of a gift is rude.

Probably best for everyone involved if you stick to a meal/ day out / voucher.

Thoughtful meaning what they, themselves, would want, not particularly what the receiver would.

What did you give them that they lost? How did you know? I can't figure this thread out at all

Why are you blaming your son-in-laws rather than your daughters for losing these 'thoughtful' gifts?

I asked DH for a Black and Decker workmate one Christmas. I needed it to lay the bathroom floor. I also got a bandsaw from my DS one year. 💪