Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

[Zebedee999]

I buy my son in laws thoughtful and expensive (£100-£400) long lasting useful gifts on special occasions as I want them to have useful things for life.
The trouble is neither of these men are what could be described as clean, careful, tidy etc so everything I get them ends up lost, broken or damaged in some other way.
As I am a bit OCD'ish and care for my own stuff this stresses me then I end up nagging them as to "who could have taken Gift XYZ from their house and never returned it?" etc.
I have decided, for my sanity, and to stop me nagging them, I simply won't buy them anything physoical anymore. I'll pay for a meal out etc but no more gifts for everyone's sake.
I appreciate as men once they receive a gift what they do with it is up to them but I find it hurtful when yet another gift is lost/damaged etc.

AIBU?

Me neither. I want one!

YABU to use the term "a bit OCDish".

My (thankfully ex MIL) used to buy me "thoughtful" presents. Like the year I got Paul McKenna's Think Yourself Thin book and DVD because she thought I needed to lose weight. I was 4 months post-partum and very almost back in my size 10 jeans.

Sorry, OP, you sound a bit crazy. That’s an enormous amount of money to spend on anyone. My MIL got me a £15 scarf last year for Christmas (which was ugly and I’ve never worn it once).

You can’t dictate what people do with gifts once given. Though I suspect maybe they’ve sold them or traded them for something they actually want.

It’s rude to not give your child’s long term partner a gift at Christmas. If you don’t want to give them something physical, give them cash. They can buy what they want.

*or sold it so he can buy something he actually wanted. Can't believe you're getting upset when you've clearly misjudged your gifts. Buy him a voucher (or ask what he wants) for a lesser amount and then gift the household item as a random gift to them as a "couple" to set them up for life, if thats what your intention is....
Do you buy your daughter (presumably) things that you think are useful instead of what she wants?

I'd be delighted if my MIL stopped buying me gifts

Gosh I thought you meant you were really spoiling them getting consoles or something and that maybe they were selling them on, but if you're getting really pedestrian household appliances without being specifically asked for them, then I don't blame them for not relishing them. They're not for the SILs anyway are they. They're for the home. I think a meal is fine for a gift but a meal with their MIL won't be a dream gift either and is also presumably for your own DC. Just ask what they want, give money/vouchers, or something basic like chocs.

You gave an ironing board as a present?

OP what did you buy for your daughters

My husband every Christmas buys the boys a gift that they're always borrowing from him. So they've had hedge trimmers, strimmers, drills, sanders, pressure washers etc. they are looked after and appreciated. I understand the frustration of @Zebedee999

You literally gave that as an example!

If the iron etc was expensive and not wanted then obviously they sold it and fair enough. They'd have used the cash to buy something they wanted. It's pretty obtuse to nag them about where it's gone. You gave something they didn't want and are being tactful saying it's lost. To not pick up on that seems a bit thick skinned.

But I'm glad you've heeded the advice here and will switch up the gifting strategy now.

He probably sold it, I would have!

While it's not the business of the giver what happens to the gift once handed over, knowing that the recipient is so careless, disrespectful and ungrateful makes the giver feel shit, so for that reason I'd dial the giving all the way back.

Having said that, an iron and ironing board is batshit.

If you still want to give, hand over cash and step away.

I buy my son in laws thoughtful…gifts

Is your definition of thoughtful, something you think he would like as a present (I’d say that was thoughtful) or something you think they need?

I thought that was @Zebedee999 being pedantic, like the unasked for household appliances were not given at Christmas time, but for housewarming for example. Petty.

Well apart from the tool kit the rest are pretty shit gifts they are house gifts no men would appreciate them .God they probably quite happy with a meal out you sound a horrendous mil

"As I am a bit OCD'ish"

Do you have OCD, a diagnosable mental health condition, characterised by intrusive thoughts and compulsive, uncontrollable repetitive behaviours, or are you just particular about looking after your belongings?

Please don't trivialise a serious mental health condition.

The issue is you thought about what YOU valued not what they want. Most people would not be thrilled with a gift of a posh ironing board and iron? Its a utility household item not a treat for them. Gift giving is about thinking about the receiver and what they would enjoy not just buying what you think they ought to have.
Most people there days hardly iron anyway it's a total waste of time as many items don't need ironing.

I literally thought the same thing😅

I would think my parents had lost the plot if they'd got DH an iron and ironing board as a gift 🤣🤣

I could understand to some extent if you buy something more personal e.g. something decorative and it gets kicked around and ruined. You'd like to see it valued and appreciated, you hope it's enhanced their home and they really like it. However, any gift once given is out of your hands and personal taste is hard to judge. Don't give stuff they don't need or want.
A voucher for a meal or an experience gives them some choice. A box of wine or quality spirits (bet they won't break those!) is another idea so longs as they both drink. Or a voucher for a department store or Argos. Either way you may be overly generous - you could get them a simple food hamper plus an Oxfam goat.

Best to consult with them prior to buying such major and generous gifts

What an unkind post

I once bought a 'useful' gift for my B/Si in law. They were young, new parents and were lamenting getting the not inconsiderable amount of washing dry. The 'gift' was something I was sure they had never seen and that it would benefit them. It was a cover for a whirly line, like an umbrella. It would enable washing to dry even in rain. Next time I saw it, it was used as a tarpaulin on the ground. Ah well!