Fell out over peanut butter

[Rosegarden47]

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not buy peanut butter?

A few months ago when exposing my DD to peanut butter for the first time my hands broke out in a really itchy rash. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy. I took an antihistamine and it calmed down. I’ve always despised/been kinda phobic of anything peanuts so I’ve not handled it for as long as I can remember. I’m not saying I have a severe allergy or anything, but I’d just rather not take the risk so I asked my husband if we could not buying it in future. I started buying my daughter cashew or almond butter instead which she really loves and I don’t have an issue with.

Well, since then my husband has started buying it all the time and jokes that I “helped him rediscover his love for peanut butter”. I bit my tongue at first because he used to always wash any plates or cutlery he used, but now he’s just started leaving all his peanut buttery things for me to deal with. Aside from my allergy concerns, the smell literally makes me want to vomit.

Today he sat down next to me at the breakfast table and opened the jar and I said “yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” He completely flipped and said I was childish and rude for insulting his food. He said the hives and itchy lips were all in my head and called me a liar and said I’d never asked for him to not buy it in the past.

I didn’t want this to be a big deal and I’m hurt my husband won’t respect my request about one food item he rarely bought in the past. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable or not asking him not to buy peanut butter.

Your husband sounds abusive. Is he in other ways?

Throw out the peanut butter and tell him it's banned in the house. If he wants to eat it, tell him to get a shed so he can go and sit in there and eat it.

What an idiot he is.

This is a strange way for a grown man to behave. Is he childish and stupid in other ways too?

Has he always been so childish and passive aggressive or is this new behaviour?

The lip swelling is actually quite serious

YANBU

He could buy it, wash everything really carefully and only eat it when you're out the house if you agreed that but he's being a dick

Jesus, he's a moron - does he really not understand that it could be fatal for you? Or does he think it's funny?

He's being horrible. Bin the peanut butter and if he brings any more into the house he should go in the bin with it. Who the fuck does that to someone they love.

He's a complete arsehole.

If he was reasonable I would suggest he still gives your DD small amounts though if she's showing no signs of allergy - my DH has an anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts and we (well me because obviously he doesn't go near it) give our young DDs small amounts of peanut butter and Nutella on the end of a spoon every few weeks because otherwise they'd have no exposure at all as school/nursery are both totally nut free. This was based on my own research though because no one medical wanted to give any actual advice on reducing allergy risk with an anaphylactic parent - you might want to do your own research of course.

He’s horrible.

Spit in his soup.

Unfortunately OP if you are having this reaction then it's likely it will get worse on further exposure, potentially very serious. So please see a GP as well as telling him he's being a twat!

This kind of allergic reaction is serious - exposure can worsen the reaction until suddenly your airway can close. I would get an epi pen from the GP and definitely not have peanut butter in the house/touch anything with it.

This sounds narcissistic. I read a post once about a grandmother who refused to take her granddaughter's coconut allergy seriously and sneaking it in to 'test' her and she killed her granddaughter.

He's an arsehole, sorry. An uneducated one as well.
Allergies shouldn't be messed around with, and you sound like you react pretty badly -lips swelling is pretty serious.
I suffer from allergies myself, with certain ones making me swell up too, eyes and lips.
If my DH started leaving my allergens around for me to clear up and joking about it, I wouldn't even know where to start! 😡
Go to the doctor's, you sound like you have a substantial allergy to me and as allergies can worsen with each exposure, your next one could be worse.

I was gonna say the lips tingling is a really bad sign - does he understand how allergies can escalate to anaphylaxis?

I would bin all the peanut butter & go to the GP and ask for a prescription for an epipen.

He's a dickhead. Hope that helps.

Cross posted with a lot of posts there, hope you tell your "D" H to pack it in and if he carries on, ditch him and I never usually say that!

Of course you're not being unreasonable asking him not to buy peanut butter when you've got a potential allergy.

However I think you need to be more direct with him so he has no legitinate comeback.

Eg Every time he's been leaving it in the sink, refuse to clean it up.
Saying "yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” could sound like a judgement, which is how he's taken it.

Instead tell him you're pretty sure you have an allergy to peanuts which is escalating, and you can't have it in the house.

Also get properly allergy tested although you shouldn't have to in order for him to believe you, but then he can't argue that's it's all in your head.

If you don't feel you can be more direct, and even if having an official diagnosis won't help you, then you're living with an abusive selfish man and would be better off without him!

I went to the GP and asked for allergy testing. She said they only do allergy testing now if you’ve had a reaction serious enough to put you in hospital and said if I was worried take an antihistamine daily. Good old NHS. That definitely didn’t help my husband to take me seriously

I actually think that is quite sinister.

Tingling lips means you 100% have an allergy.

Sometimes that can escalate out of nowhere.

Serious shit.
Text family members what is happening in case anything happens to you.

I would call Womens aid.

Please get an allergy test. Allergies can develop at any time in your life and they can become extremely serious at any moment. If the NHS has a long wait, a private appointment will cost a couple of hundred pounds and may save your life. I live with a nut allergy sufferer, it came out of the blue and to find yourself suddenly dealing with anaphylaxis is utterly terrifying and traumatising. You need to take this more seriously as well - get tested, get diagnosed, get antihistamines and an epipen prescribed if necessary, and from the reactions you've described it really may well be. Your husband sounds incredibly stupid and needs to understand how dangerous a peanut allergy can be. Please know that being allergic to something doesn't always result in anaphylaxis but that it can happen any time, even if your reactions have been milder in the past.

You need to get tested - that is a pretty serious anaphylactic reaction and they worsen every time you are exposed, which could have fatal consequences.

Go and get tested. Don’t touch his used cutlery or plates. Wipe everything thoroughly - counters, bread board etc - before use.

Same

This doesn't sound like a one off of a normally loving husband

Your GP is wrong. I have allergies but have never been hospitalised, and was referred by my GP to an allergy specialist. See another GP and push for it. Make sure you describe all your symptoms because the lip swelling is definitely something showing you're at risk of anaphylaxis.