How do I tell him?

[Shelvy123]

Hi!
My mother’s 70th birthday is in February and my sister has booked a house for my parents, our two siblings and our 5 kids. She done so as a surprise for us all, without telling us.

I've just recently had a little boy, which she has included in the head count but she hasn’t included my husband or our brothers wife.

how do I tell my husband he isn’t invited? I’m always invited to his family parties/vacations and I know he’ll be hurt if I say he isn’t able to come as he gets on so well with everyone…

She knows money is a little tight right now due to having the baby so I’m unable to contribute. I didn’t even know she was thinking of booking it otherwise I would’ve spoke to her about it.

i don’t want to not go and miss my moms birthday. On the other hand, I don’t want to go without my husband as I know he will really want to come.

I really don’t know what to do. Please help?

I’m struggling to understand how it’s cheaper? Makes no sense, he’s in the same bed as you anyway. Have you all the kids in one room with you is that why she’s thinking they can share with you instead of him and same with sis n law? It’s very confusing. Anyway no need to add extra adults to booking. Just buy cheap inflatable mattresses for kids put them on those instead. I’ve done it with mine they all slept fine in one room. Surely the extra adults helping with kids be better too.

I find this a bit bizarre. Firstly to not include partners at a family do- but also that she would book it without asking or discussing it with anyone. Seems a bit controlling and manipulative.
Personally I would be saying, "thanks for the gesture of booking that lovely house, obviously we will ALL be coming to celebrate mum's 70th- if there's no room in the accomodation for us (and presumably you and dh will share bed with baby in cot, so not taking up extra room- unless your sister was thinking siblings would share beds? ) we can get a b&b nearby and join you for the festivities!"
Absolutely ridiculous and rude to exclude your partner.

It sounds like a mother, her daughters and the grandkids. Not that odd to not have partners there surely?

I’m confused, will you not have your own room for you and your little one anyway? She doesn’t expect you all to share does she?? If so it sounds awful 🤣

If you do have your own room, why can’t you just bring DH?

I am confused about why you are scared to tell him. I’d be raging about it straight away to my DH! He’d probably just tell me to go any enjoy it. Do you not think your DH will react well or something?

Yes, exactly this. My husband is off to Cornwall with his brothers and the respective kids for something for a few days in Jan, no wives are going. I don’t see anything odd in that.

My guess is its cheaper in terms of getting accommodation within budget that can house that number of people. The more people you add the harder it becomes to find something suitable and affordable due to number of rooms needed? To me that makes sense.

I understand what the op means when she says she's scared to tell him. I'd be the same.. but not through fear, more through embarrassment!

Why can’t siblings take their mother away for her birthday?

The sister-in-law isn’t invited either ; it’s not just OP’s husband.

It would be difficult to make being NFI-ed any more awkward…but you’ve just managed it 😂

I’m not going to a family event with my child without my husband. Flat out weird expectation. Has she got a partner who would be going? Assuming she is child free and not thinking that the load of looking after the child single-handedly would be inconvenient for you? Excluding literal family members because it’s cheaper is weird. Pick a cheaper option and be inclusive.

Her daughters, son and grandkids.

You aren’t joined at the hip are you? It will be nice to spend a few days with just your parents and siblings. I’m sure you will both survive.

I think you and your brother need to explain to your sister that families come as units, especially where kids are involved. If you are having to look after young children in a strange place with only one parent present, it's going to be far less enjoyable for everyone. Your little one presumably may not be sleeping through by then. It's difficult to understand how it is cheaper, since most houses will have at least some double beds - are you expected to be sharing a bed with your kids? If it's the food, then I'm sure you don't mind contributing enough to cover his food.

What a nasty move on your sisters part. I'd go and take him anyway - surely he'll sleep in your bed so not needing another room increasing cost?

Is sister single? Sounds like a cow tbh dint let her cause a rift - stand but your man.

Just say your sister has booked a place and has stretched to offer for you to come free if you want to, but she couldn’t afford for everyone. Ask him should you just all go up for the day or if you should go just on your own and he looks after the kids, or if he’d prefer a weekend off and you go with the kids. Discuss the options.

I think if it was just adults it would be fine but to include the DC but not your DH is strange. I'm sure I've a similar post a while back where the DH was going with family and DC but wife not invited and pretty unanimously it was agreed that the DH would be a dick to go when excluding his wife.

That sounds like a really strange or thoughtless move. Surely she would understand you would want DH there with you especially having had a recent baby to look after!

I also don’t understand the cost part because you and DH would be in the same bed and room…Is sister single by any chance?

What are the room configurations?

Does the sister have a partner?

Are all partners not going? Or just your husband. If it is all partners then it can be justified as that. Also thats a hefty kids to adult ratio, sure it would be easier for all with more adults.

Just a thought, has your sister got zero or only one child, as her view of how enjoyable this is going to be will be vastly different to someone with multiple children and a new born to look after in a strange house. I would explain the situation as someones got to look after the baby and that someone is you, therefore who is looking after the other kids.

Where’s the difficult bit? You’re not the one who didn’t invite him. Just tell him your sister organised the whole thing and decided not invite partners; that you wouldn’t have done it like that, but it’s done now, so tough luck.

How very odd not to invite partners, I would also be worried about having to look after all the kids without partner to help. Not much of a break for you is it

I’d be ok with this. Sometimes it’s nice just it to just your Mum and Dad and their children to have time together and the kids are invited as I imagine the grandparents would enjoy time with the kids too. My DH would be delighted to have some time wife and kid free ( he’d also be glad to see us back) I’d be delighted too if I had a one off no responsibility weekend too.

It’s five kids between 5 adults. Also it’s a max of two per parent plus kids tend to be less trouble when they have a friend/cousin /grandparents to play with.

Just tell him what your sister has told you. Then discuss what you are going to do about it, if anything. It’s not like you’ve done something wrong, so I’m not sure why you are worried about telling your husband.