How do I tell him?

[Shelvy123]

Hi!
My mother’s 70th birthday is in February and my sister has booked a house for my parents, our two siblings and our 5 kids. She done so as a surprise for us all, without telling us.

I've just recently had a little boy, which she has included in the head count but she hasn’t included my husband or our brothers wife.

how do I tell my husband he isn’t invited? I’m always invited to his family parties/vacations and I know he’ll be hurt if I say he isn’t able to come as he gets on so well with everyone…

She knows money is a little tight right now due to having the baby so I’m unable to contribute. I didn’t even know she was thinking of booking it otherwise I would’ve spoke to her about it.

i don’t want to not go and miss my moms birthday. On the other hand, I don’t want to go without my husband as I know he will really want to come.

I really don’t know what to do. Please help?

He isn't just your partner, he is your husband and the father of 3 of the children that are attending. I would have no issue attending on my own with my 3 children if my DH couldn't go for some reason but other than that he would be at an event like this. Who would think its OK for you and 3 kids to go and not invite your husband? Who is going to help you with feeding the kids, getting them all washed and dressed in the morning etc etc. That's also very hurtful to your husband. I would be upset if my husband and kids were invited somewhere for a weekend away without me.

Just as a matter of interest what is your sisters relationship status?

Sorry but I wouldn’t go. He’s your husband not just a boyfriend. I think it’s quite spiteful of your sister and I wonder if she’s single therefore isn’t impacted.

This isn’t really the explanation considering house rentals are flat cost and not per room basis - and I would assume OP and her DH would share. No increased cost.

Is your sister having problems with her own husband by any chance ?

It is really hurtful to leave people out when you're such a small family. I think I would say that I wasn't going to go.

Where does the op say 3 out of the 5 children are hers?

Doesn't seem a big deal to me that he wasn't invited but if you don't want to go without him then don't go!

I wouldn't go. Your sister is rude for booking without checking with you in the first place.

The she can’t afford to do it!

Surely you can just tell him, It wasn't you who booked it and excluded him, you didn't even know about it! I can't see why it's such a big deal and for all those saying you need him to help with the children - how on earth do you think lone parents manage? Unless there's a backstory ot just sounds like your sister has tried to do a nice thing and you're creating unnecessary drama over it.

I don’t see the big issue, it’s nice to do things just you guys and surely you tell your DH your sister wanted to do something special but couldn’t afford partners too. Or you look into hiring somewhere else so partners can come, and pay for it

Op hasn't mentioned whether her sister is married or not .

Couldn’t edit my post as my phone died and then it was too late. To add:

I’d be telling my sister not my husband.

Presumably if she'd discussed it first saying no partners you'd have said no thanks straight away?

I wouldn't go without my husband if there's no reason other than her being cheap that he's not invited. Surely you'd stay in the same room anyway?

This sounds a bit odd. Are you and your brother sharing a room/bed or something? Or has she managed to find a house that has rooms with single beds? That would be unusual. Surely got have a double room that your husband can just share with you?

As it’s zero partners I think that’s fine.

Is her partner/husband going? If so, why? And what sort of place rents house by number of people staying? Usually it is just the number of bedrooms and X amount of people can stay. I wouldn’t go without my husband, I think she is being unreasonable. Can you just visit them for the day so everyone can go?

So your DH is not included, nor your brother's wife, what about the partner of the sister who booked? Are you being allocated a double bedroom because it surely wouldn't cost more whether one or two people slept in it?

Speak to your sister and find out if/why she has excluded her siblings' partners. If it is simply down to size of the property maybe you could do some research and see if you can find anything bigger for the same budget.

If you can't afford to contribute then you don't have much say in the holiday accommodation booked. You can decide to go or not.

You just say "DH, for some reason, probably to keep costs down, Dsis has decided its only us 4 siblings and the kids at mums birthday thing. No husband's and wives. So you get a weekend to yourself! If you want though we could take mum out ourselves so you can celebrate with her"

This! Mum, Dad, their children and grandchildren. If you and your DH do everything as a couple then I understand this might seem strange to you but I don’t think this is unacceptable. You can choose not to go if you don’t want to or meet up with them for a day if it isn’t too far.

Honestly u must live on another planet to most people here. In my house it would be " dais has booked a min break to celebrate moms birthday and to keep costs down she's not doing partners" which would result in a shoulder shrug in my house. Surely you and your husband can take her out for dinner separately to celebrate ?

Lots of families have get togethers without partners. You’re being ridiculous saying you wont go without him.

Sorry should have been I must live on another planet not you!

I find it odd that he'll be hurt that it's just kids & GC tbh.