Grandparents treating grandchildren differently already!!

[Diamondsandhandbags]

I have a 6 month old baby and SIL (DH’s sister) is expecting a baby very soon.

PIL gave us a couple of hundred pounds towards nursery furniture which was very generous of them & bought my baby an outfit when she was born… however we were over at SIL’s house this weekend and I found out that PIL have not only bought their baby a huge amount of clothes but also bought them a whole travel system which cost over £2k!

Ive tried really hard to make sure IL’s don’t feel like the ‘other’ grandparents - arranging for them to see the baby at least once a week and sending them updates & photos as DH works long hours and wouldn’t think to do it. But now I’m feeling like they are already favouring SIL’s baby before they’ve even been born! AIBU to be annoyed that they are already treating the grandchildren differently ?!

If SIL is their preferred child over your h then I would have predicted that they would favour her child over their son’s. Is this the case?

If not, is it possible that your MIL doesn’t want ti step on your parents’ toes and think that they will be providing you with more financial support in the same way that some people think that the bride’s parents should pay for weddings ? (I don’t believe that but some people do)

If you don't arrange things do they ask?

Their money their choice.

Are your financial situations the same as each other?

I'm the MIL bought a travel system when both DILs got pregnant. You have to be scrupulously fair. However, I never had a daughter just sons. So may not be the person to ask.

Job wise my DH earns more but SIL’s DH has a lot of family money so they are far more comfortable than we are.

That's quite a difference.

Are you more financially secure than SIL?

It's just how it is with some grandparents. They buy more for one grandchild, whether that's because it's their daughters child, or because they prefer the gender, or whatever. It's almost irrelevant why, because they've decided, consciously or otherwise, that it's fair and reasonable so that's how they're behaving.

You'll drive yourself mad comparing. Either accept what they offer with grace, and do as much in return as you want to without expectation; or start to lessen contact so this doesn't bother you as much.

If you feel that way cut back on making effort and see what they do.
My in-laws have never bothered with our children or the other grandchildren she just isn't interested and a lazy woman so her loss .We don't have much to do with her despite her living 10 minutes away from us and now my children are adults on the rare occasion she bumps into one of them she gets their name wrong which says it all really

Did they ask each of you what you wanted or were these spontaneous gifts?

Sure there are going to be loads of things they will treat you both differently with, I wouldn't really overthink it and just live your life the way you want it.

On mumsnet inlaws /grandparents get so much backlash either too involved or not involved enough.
You can provide for your child, everything else is a bonus.
They don't "owe" you anything & don't need to match gifts imo

Gifts do not have to be of the same value or amount each time!

It's incredibly petty of you to have a 'she's got more than me!' attitude!

You were given lovely gifts, be thankful.

To answer a few questions, I wouldn’t say SIL is the favourite child but she spends more time with her parents than DH as she works part time, while he works 50+ hours a week.

However we have a good relationship with ILs, and as mentioned in my OP, I’ve tried really hard to make sure they’ve felt really included with my baby.

Finance wise, SIL is more comfortable than we are.

ILs didn’t ask what we wanted, but gave us X amount towards furniture.

And your parents gave you? Also do you say "my baby" not "our baby" to the grandparents ? (His side esp)

I’d just be grateful for the gifts you received. Has DH said anything about the difference in cost? I tend to find mums spoil their daughters more during pregnancy than they do their sons, right or wrong it happens. What did your parents contribute?

Some relatives behave in very strange ways - it can be hurtful but try to rise above it.

Hopefully, they will be more sensible with future birthdays/Christmas presents etc otherwise if your child notices when they are older it will affect them. I know because it happened to me as a child and it’s still stings a little all these years later.

I've voted unreasonable, only because I think its too early to judge and this alone doesn't mean they will treated differently all of thier lives. Sure, it probably makes you wonder why, but there could be multiple reasons and I really wouldn't get too upset or overthink this yet.

True re gifts not needing to be of the same value but it just feels to me that there is a huge disparity already especially when the babies are going to be so close in age. My family have always made sure gifts for me and my siblings are equal so perhaps this is clouding my judgment.

This is important.

Also stop doing the updates. If DH doesn't want to do them it's rude to interfere.

How involved are your parents? Did you favour them when your first child was born?

?!?! Not sure I understand why you are asking this ? Is there an issue with referring to my baby as my baby?