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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mounjaro offending close "friends"

623 replies

Hope78 · 10/12/2024 12:04

I have bitten the bullet and started using Mounjaro. I pay for it privately through a reputable private clinic , and in a nutshell its been incredible.

Long story as short as poss.... I'm a well built 5ft7 woman who has been anything from 10st to 13.7st over years , ideal weight 11st happy and feel good, have gone into perimenopause , started HRT and basically CANNOT shift stubborn 2st. I told my GP my plans and he agreed as BMI verging on obese (13st4) .....decision was 6 months in making with a LOT of research before starting it ....anyway ....

I have lost my first half stone ( in 10 days ) and with close friends at the weekend told them i was on the injection and how great i feel ( not just food noise but ADHD symptoms better too ) my friends were so happy for me bar one who could not hide her disgust. This person has a stunning figure, always been a petite size 8, always attracted a lot of male attention, and has been known to be quite fattest over the years to anyone chubby. She basically said it was cheating, said i would be fatter long term and i know that behind my back is slagging me off ..
I've always been confident despite my different weights but i did get a lot of compliments especially from other husbands of how well i looked , and it seemed to REALLY annoy her she has stopped messaging me as much and has declined Xmas invites for drinks at mine.
Its got me thinking that this injection is a real shift long term for men and women , but psychologically its maybe pissing off people that don't struggle????
Another friend was shocked i even told people but im not that sort of person , I'm an open book and chatty and don't see the point ? maybe i should have just kept my mouth shut ? AIBU to feel shocked and disappointed by this ?

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 10/12/2024 12:08

She is also likely jealous that you’ll be more confident soon as well.
If that’s not the case then it’s really her problem, it’s none of her business. We “cheat” for everything- we wear glasses if we can’t see, take antidepressants if we have depression/anxiety, take the pill so we don’t get pregnant and so on…
Enjoy your losses and well done (I’m 19lb down and loving it!)

Catza · 10/12/2024 12:08

I am so sick of this "cheating" BS! No, I don't know what it's like to struggle to lose weight but I have enough brain and compassion to understand that for some people injections are literally life-saving. And a lot of conditions out there require medication for life. Is a person with high cholesterol cheating by taking medication? Is diabetic cheating? Is a person with ADHD cheating? Is a person with depression cheating?
What an utter vile comment. I would bin her in a heartbeat.

Donotgogentle · 10/12/2024 12:11

I think I would just revel in annoying someone like her tbh.

colesr · 10/12/2024 12:13

It's so weird, but the mentality of someone who thinks treating a problem is cheating and isn't supportive but critical would make me back right away from the friendship. Like used to have a friend like that and the negativity was so draining.

BonneMaman77 · 10/12/2024 12:14

Fantastic, so happy for you. I am in the same group - 2st over weight due to peri hormones. I am nervous to try cos of the unknown long term effect.

Ignore your friend. What ever is her driver is not for you to understand or solve. So ignore her. Sounds like you have enough supportive friends.

Any Undesirable side effects for you?

smallchange · 10/12/2024 12:15

There are some (some - NATPALT) people who wear their thinness as a badge of how virtuous they are, how self-denying, how self-controlled.

They have a genuine visceral disgust over fatness - the fat person is too much, slovenly, gluttonous, taking up too much space in the world.

It's not a healthy mindset, especially if something happens to them and they can no longer maintain the thinness that they need to be a good person.

I think that's where the "cheating" idea comes from. To her, weight loss should be a struggle against the dark forces of sin. A purification ritual of self-mortification and denial. Very mediaeval. Pay no mind. It's foolish and disordered thinking.

thesugarbumfairy · 10/12/2024 12:15

I think this is where you learn who your friends are. I have had nothing but positivity from all of my friends - the bigger ones, the smaller ones, the ones who have also had weight battles and the ones who never have. Even the ones who don't necessarily 'agree' with taking medication to help weight loss have been kind.
I'm 49lb down now and so happy. Still obese, but I feel so much better in myself. I don't necessarily tell everyone Im on it - only if I feel they will be interested. I can see that it might be hard to grasp how the meds work, if you have never had issues with food. But such a dramatic response is unnecessary.

Ponoka7 · 10/12/2024 12:16

She doesn't have the right to an opinion. However I know a lot of women on injectibles (my eldest DD included), after a while they can stop working and your appetite comes back ten fold. The research shows that activity and eating real foods are what matters, not being overweight. Obesity is a different matter, but as women age, being slightly overweight, but active etc isn't a risk. You'll have to still exercise and eat well. My DD started the gym at the same time as starting and clean eating. She should have asked you what else you were doing, if it was out of concern. Do you know how many calories you are eating a day? Going too low puts your gaul bladder at risk.

Okayornot · 10/12/2024 12:16

I expect she likes having fat friends as it makes her feel smug. If you needed it you now have really good motivation to keep the weight off!

Honeycrisp · 10/12/2024 12:18

Oh dear, sounds like she had you pigeon holed as the fat mate. Her thinness gave her status, and you were supposed to magnify that.

SilenceInside · 10/12/2024 12:19

If she's always been "fat-ist" then this is not really a surprise, as she clearly attaches value to being slim and negative judgement to those who are overweight or obese.

As for the "cheating" ask her for an explanation of who you are cheating and out of what, if you feel like it, and see if she has any idea about any answers to that. It makes no sense to describe it as "cheating" in any way.

Comedycook · 10/12/2024 12:21

She's worked hard for her thin privilege.

Now she's pissed you're getting it with less effort....

Or that's at least how I'm guessing she feels....

Twoshoesnewshoes · 10/12/2024 12:21

I can see both sides of this tbh
its great that the injection is working for you and that you’re feeling confident. And it may be that she is feeling insecure with someone else getting attention.
but also - I was at lower end of healthy bmi for years, now peri and struggling so much to not tip into overweight.
all the years that I was a lower weight, I was hungry, I denied myself treats, I exercised so much. It wasn’t easy at all. I do think it’s a bit of a myth that thinner people don’t struggle with food noise etc, I absolutely did.
so I can imagine it’s galling when someone seemingly gets the result without the payoff.

Honeycrisp · 10/12/2024 12:23

Twoshoesnewshoes · 10/12/2024 12:21

I can see both sides of this tbh
its great that the injection is working for you and that you’re feeling confident. And it may be that she is feeling insecure with someone else getting attention.
but also - I was at lower end of healthy bmi for years, now peri and struggling so much to not tip into overweight.
all the years that I was a lower weight, I was hungry, I denied myself treats, I exercised so much. It wasn’t easy at all. I do think it’s a bit of a myth that thinner people don’t struggle with food noise etc, I absolutely did.
so I can imagine it’s galling when someone seemingly gets the result without the payoff.

Hopefully you wouldn't tell a friend they were cheating though?

spinningisthebest · 10/12/2024 12:23

Wow what a mean woman- she is not your friend. She is either supremely lucky that the issues we face do not concern her or she has constructed a narrative of virtuous self denial that makes her think she is better than you. Well she isn't. She is a nasty minded jealous person - dumping her is an immediate 8 stone loss that will be permanent and do your psychological well being a lot of good. I get so fed up of people who don't have food noises, who don't struggle and who think it is easy. As another poster said- we get help for lots of things and this one more gift from technology. Well done !!

doodleschnoodle · 10/12/2024 12:27

Yep, you're the 'fat friend' and now you are transitioning out that role, she's annoyed about it. Real friends would be happy and supportive if someone was doing something positive for their health and wellbeing. The fact she's been unpleasant in the past about overweight people says enough.

ExtraOnions · 10/12/2024 12:27

Twoshoesnewshoes · 10/12/2024 12:21

I can see both sides of this tbh
its great that the injection is working for you and that you’re feeling confident. And it may be that she is feeling insecure with someone else getting attention.
but also - I was at lower end of healthy bmi for years, now peri and struggling so much to not tip into overweight.
all the years that I was a lower weight, I was hungry, I denied myself treats, I exercised so much. It wasn’t easy at all. I do think it’s a bit of a myth that thinner people don’t struggle with food noise etc, I absolutely did.
so I can imagine it’s galling when someone seemingly gets the result without the payoff.

…so we should all suffer to lose weight ? What nonesense.

I’m on the Mounjaro … 16lbs down in just over 3 weeks. My friends and family have been nothing but supportive.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/12/2024 12:28

This is the reason i have told no-one except my DH.

Vaxtable · 10/12/2024 12:29

My personal opinion is that we don’t know enough and some horrible side effects are now been discovered so whilst I am overweight it’s not for me, and yes I do think it’s cheating in a way, and what happens when you get to goal weight? Do you have maintenance diesels so in fact you are on it for life?

That said if people what to go ahead then good for them, each person can choose for themselves what they want to do, I just live with my stubborn 2st that won’t come off

whatnow5 · 10/12/2024 12:30

Weight is still so tied up in worth, which is the problem. She obviously attributes her worth to her figure, and is jealous that your worth is increasing without whatever she has to do to maintain her figure.

This problem is hers alone.

Treat yourself to a new dress for your festive drinks!

RabbitsEatPancakes · 10/12/2024 12:31

Why do you think she doesn't "struggle".

I've never been overweight, but I think about food all the time, have to exercise extreme self control to not be overweight. It does seem pointless when everyone can just cheat and get injections. Actual effort counts for nothing now.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 10/12/2024 12:31

ExtraOnions · 10/12/2024 12:27

…so we should all suffer to lose weight ? What nonesense.

I’m on the Mounjaro … 16lbs down in just over 3 weeks. My friends and family have been nothing but supportive.

Show quote history

That’s not what I said at all. It’s great if people have found a method that works for them.
i said I can understand why it’s galling.

i guess a similar analogy is if someone scrimped and saved for a house deposit and their friend got gifted money from a relative.
hopefully they would be pleased for the friend but it’s also understandable if they had other feelings too.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 10/12/2024 12:32

Cheating!? How juvenile.
Silly cow. But I echo the comments about not telling people you're on it. Why bother? You're losing weight in a perfectly legitimate way, it's nobody else's business.

Onceachunkymonkey · 10/12/2024 12:33

Vaxtable · 10/12/2024 12:29

My personal opinion is that we don’t know enough and some horrible side effects are now been discovered so whilst I am overweight it’s not for me, and yes I do think it’s cheating in a way, and what happens when you get to goal weight? Do you have maintenance diesels so in fact you are on it for life?

That said if people what to go ahead then good for them, each person can choose for themselves what they want to do, I just live with my stubborn 2st that won’t come off

Where is the bingo card when you need it. 😂 so far we have had cheating, they stop working (someone better tell the diabetics fast! ) and horrible side effects.

and it is always the same.

fat people pissed off others are losing on this.
thin people pissed off others are losing on this

it says everything about those folks and nothing about the drugs or those who take them.

Onceachunkymonkey · 10/12/2024 12:34

RabbitsEatPancakes · 10/12/2024 12:31

Why do you think she doesn't "struggle".

I've never been overweight, but I think about food all the time, have to exercise extreme self control to not be overweight. It does seem pointless when everyone can just cheat and get injections. Actual effort counts for nothing now.

It never did sweetie, no one was handing out prizes.