Mounjaro offending close "friends"

[Hope78]

I have bitten the bullet and started using Mounjaro. I pay for it privately through a reputable private clinic , and in a nutshell its been incredible.

Long story as short as poss.... I'm a well built 5ft7 woman who has been anything from 10st to 13.7st over years , ideal weight 11st happy and feel good, have gone into perimenopause , started HRT and basically CANNOT shift stubborn 2st. I told my GP my plans and he agreed as BMI verging on obese (13st4) .....decision was 6 months in making with a LOT of research before starting it ....anyway ....

I have lost my first half stone ( in 10 days ) and with close friends at the weekend told them i was on the injection and how great i feel ( not just food noise but ADHD symptoms better too ) my friends were so happy for me bar one who could not hide her disgust. This person has a stunning figure, always been a petite size 8, always attracted a lot of male attention, and has been known to be quite fattest over the years to anyone chubby. She basically said it was cheating, said i would be fatter long term and i know that behind my back is slagging me off ..
I've always been confident despite my different weights but i did get a lot of compliments especially from other husbands of how well i looked , and it seemed to REALLY annoy her she has stopped messaging me as much and has declined Xmas invites for drinks at mine.
Its got me thinking that this injection is a real shift long term for men and women , but psychologically its maybe pissing off people that don't struggle????
Another friend was shocked i even told people but im not that sort of person , I'm an open book and chatty and don't see the point ? maybe i should have just kept my mouth shut ? AIBU to feel shocked and disappointed by this ?

FWIW, being told you 'look well' has been understood, in some circles, to mean something entirely different. (like my Mums era)
There have been threads on here, about it.

I am not saying I agree whatsoever cos i don't at all, but I would be suspicious given that choice of words to say someone 'looks well'

Sometimes you will find women who have always been considered the ‘prettiest’ or ‘most attractive’ in a group and when that balance ever so slightly shifts, that is to say, if another woman is perceived to be attractive (not even more attractive than them but attractive) they become jealous, resentful and even nasty. Perhaps those who know about psychology could explain the rationale behind it but it’s a very ugly trait and it can quickly sour friendships. I’m sorry she’s behaving like this. It sounds very much like jealousy. You should just keep focussing on your health and wellbeing and peace of mind.

She said her GP didn't prescribe it because her BMI wasn't high enough. Which means if her BMI was higher he would have prescribed it. Except GPs can't prescribe these injections for weight loss. And private clinics still have to stick to the rules or their prescribers can lose their licenses.

She’s not your friend if this is how she is behaving.

although some people have really weird ideas about mounjaro and have bought into all the myths.

I think that’s really in your head and what you took from it. I certainty didn’t read it that way, and I’d be a little disappointed if my husband didn’t compliment my friends or if anyone didn’t take enjoyment from a compliment, whomever gives it if it is well intended and genuine.

you write like the op is in there after her mates husbands. I think that’s is the psychologists wet dream.

2 responses
"Yep, cheating in the same way smokers cheat death by using nicotine patches"
And
"Cheating who? Is it you?"
I have told no one. Not even dh. I have lost 2 stone in 4 months and have gone from bmi of 32 to 28 ish. I have also stuck to 1000 cals a day without wavering ( I am only 5'1").

The whole idea that it's "cheating" is because society links being thin with morality. Being obese is a moral failing...you are fundamentally a less good person. Therefore if you use a medication to lose weight, you are a cheat. It's such nonsense.

OP glad it’s working and you’re feeling good. However all of this thin VS fat chat is absolute nonsense!! If a non thin friend had made these comments would you feel differently? Everyone is so in their own head all the time about what they look like, their weight etc and it’s wrong to assume a thin person doesn’t have disordered eating or is a happier person. It’s complicated, let’s face it!!
Take the jabs, but eat well and exercise to be healthy. And show your friend the empathy she is not showing you, because that is what really matters about who you are as a person. Not what size clothes you are.

I'm not. Othered about 'cheating'. I'm bothered that a diabetic medication is being used by non diabetics because of a welcome side effect. My very good friend had her life turned upside down by the shortage at the start of all this, and is left with a permanent disadvantage. And who knows what problems there may be down the line?

But hey, you'll all be thinner. Whoop-di-do.

Theee is no shortage of mounjaro and it is approved for weight loss.

Not just thinner but more mobile, healthier, less risk of heart attack, able to get back out to be active, improved mental health, less likely to develop diabetes themselves. Why is your friend more important that someone else who is at risk due to their obesity? You’re making a value judgement based on who you believe are deserving and undeserving

Viagra was originally developed to help period pain....

If there's a shortage then sure, perhaps actual diabetics rather than people at risk of diabetes should get priority, but as far as I'm aware, there is no shortage. And the reality is that obesity is a huge risk factor to get T2 diabetes. Getting weight down will have a long term positive impact on reducing the prevalence of diabetes.

Well if not thinner I would have ended up diabetic, surely it's better to head it of in the 'pre' stage

BIL has struggled with his weight for years. It's clear to me, as someone who also struggles with my weight, that he eats badly and far more than either dSIS or he realises. So it's not unusual for us all to get together for something and he'll tell me that he hasn't eaten all day. I believe him. But then, once we sit down to order food, he'll order something huge, often with extra sides (eg he'll get a bacon and cheese burger with frieds, order an additional portion of fries), then will finish off any food left on the kids' plates (or ours for that matter) and he'll often get a dessert or a sweet drink or something. I don't blame or judge him, but I think it's quite interesting that both my sister and he think that he barely eats anything.

I do intermittent fasting and have been quite surprised to realise that in the evenings, I was actually reaching for quite a few snacks. Generally small things - a bag of popcorn or a couple of squares of chocolate - but it all adds up pretty quickly. If you'd asked me, I'd have told you that I never snacked. But I was wrong.

The sense I get is that the injetions really help with this and I'm all for it.

But how does what someone else is doing impact your life in any way? So what if they 'need' injections? Just be grateful you don't.

I say all of this as someone who's always been very slim without having to worry about diet and/or exercise. I also tend not to worry about what others are doing 🤷‍♀️

This is her 'stuff' - her buttons are being pushed, probably because she feels that she has worked hard to stay slim and now other people get to do it the easy way. It's not right, and she is out of line BUT, given the immense pressure women have had to be skinny particularly over the last few decades ('overweight' Bridget Jones, I'm looking at you) I don't think it's that surprising. I don't think it's as easy is saying 'she's no friend of yours', when it sounds like she has disordered thinking around food. How is she as a friend the rest of the time? If it's just this thing which she's a dick about I'd be inclined to never mention the jabs again and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Well no you’d hope not as you’d realise it was an issue you needed to deal with hopefully and that you were projecting. It smacks of a lack of inner voice and emotional immaturity. Some people don’t do that self questioning though do they ie why is this getting to me.

I think my friend is on it and refuses to tell the truth about it. I am a bit meh about that and at least you are telling the truth. Your friend is just feeling a bit threatened. I sort of understand it - I work pretty hard not to be overweight or obese and so of course there is a level of personal achievement in that - the easy thing is to just eat what you want, when you want, and it does take some conscious effort to do that and these drugs take away the requirement for much effort.

But you gotta do you. If you couldn't stick to healthy eating, then this is the next best thing. The best outcome all round is if you are a healthy weight.

In saying that, I do worry slightly about side effects and what happens when you stop taking it? Or maybe you just take it forever?

But other people losing weight. Doesn’t detract from your personal achievement. You are not in competition with other women.

Just mind your own business. Her losing weight has nothing to do with you and you have your weight under control so give yourself a pat on the back and move on

I posted upthread about how very hard many overweight and obese people have worked through their lives to lose weight and maintain that loss. Almost everyone who loses weight regains it and more, every single time. A major predictor of someone becoming overweight is them going on a diet - and yet we live in a culture that bombards women with pro dieting messages from childhood. 'Eating what you want' is not an easy or pleasant experience for people stuck in a binge-restrict cycle which is incredibly difficult to break free from. The shame and guilt and sadness associated with this is very hard to live with.

Your friend does not owe you 'the truth' about her prescribed medication. It's private and personal and you do not have the right to know if she's taking it. Particularly if she suspects that you're a person who considers the injections a kind of cheat for people who just don't have the willpower, self discipline and moral fibre of those who manage to stay slim. You clearly don't and can't understand what goes on in other people's lives.

That's a really great analogy and is exactly how I feel
I'd dearly love to get a way to lose some weight and cut food noise. I struggle every day to not over eat and I exercise 6 days a week. I've steadly put on weight since peri meno and I can't shift it. I do IF and sit there absolutely starving trying to ignore rhe messages about food from my stomach. I'd love to have something to turn it off. But I'm not BMI 30 so I can't get the jabs.

I 100pc recognise that this is a literal life saver for folks but those of us who are not eligible don't have it easy necessarily either.

@hamstersarse

I think my friend is on it and refuses to tell the truth about it. I am a bit meh about that and at least you are telling the truth.

Why do you think your friend owes you an explanation? You say 'at least you are telling the truth' as if every single person to lose weight owes the world a detailed report on how they did it.

I think the media - and even the government - describing Mounjaro as “weight loss jabs” is a big part of where this idea of cheating comes from. The term makes it sound like Mounjaro is some sort of miracle fat-blasting drug; that you can just eat what you like and you’ll still lose weight.

Sadly not! A 1000-calorie pizza with 30g of fat still has 1000 calories and 30g of fat whether you’re on Mounjaro or not. Mounjaro does nothing to food or the way your body processes it. But it does mean you’re more likely to be full after 750 calories worth of that pizza - because it’s an appetite control drug. You still have to have the willpower to eat vegetable casserole or grilled chicken instead of that pizza.

I saw a poster on here a while ago claim she was “absolutely not judging, but…”, before going on to say it felt like she’d studied really hard for exam and then someone else had got the same grade as her without even opening a book. It simply isn’t like that. If I were to use her exam analogy, I’d say it’s a lot more like, rather than having to resist the temptation to go out partying when you should be studying, you don’t even want to go out. But guess what? It doesn’t mean you don’t have to study - or swap the pizza for the casserole.

I think the analogy is the wrong way round, it's more like being envious of someone on low income who gets housing benefit because they can't afford to pay their rent, when you can afford to pay rent or have a reasonable mortgage.

People who call it "cheating" or are jealous that they can't get the injections are conveniently ignoring the fact that they aren't obese and don't have the additional risks and issues that being obese brings. And have been successful, even if they've had to work at it, at not putting on weight and avoiding being obese. It's a weird thing to be jealous of.