Party - are people just rude now

Ndd1356387 · 10/12/2024 05:59

Horrible behaviour

ZekeZeke · 10/12/2024 06:02

They are NOT friends, don't bother into the future

BunsenBurnerBaby · 10/12/2024 06:05

i don’t host for parties because I find it stressing and hard work and more enjoy social get togethers that don’t place a burden on any one family or household. I don’t normally go to parties either (people who know me well enough to invite me know I am likely to decline!). You placed an obligation and a set of expectations on others who were not up for it and don’t follow the same social rules as you do. That’s on you. Having said that, yes, they should have behaved differently. Them not inviting you out the night before: now that tells me these people are not the friends you think they are.

Monty27 · 10/12/2024 06:07

How rude. Really rude.
I hope you didn't give the doggy bag too.

Happyinarcon · 10/12/2024 06:08

This is a difficult time of year. I can imagine people feeling they’d like to come along and then actually feeling exhausted on the day, or having a neurodiverse kid that needs coaxing to get out of the house. People are under a lot of pressure. I would feel fed up in your shoes, but I also know how hard it can be to get the family out the door.

JustAFear · 10/12/2024 06:10

Happyinarcon · 10/12/2024 06:08

This is a difficult time of year. I can imagine people feeling they’d like to come along and then actually feeling exhausted on the day, or having a neurodiverse kid that needs coaxing to get out of the house. People are under a lot of pressure. I would feel fed up in your shoes, but I also know how hard it can be to get the family out the door.

Look I get looking for the nice in people, but it’s the constant justification of bad behaviour, inventing reasons out of absolutely nothing, which keep supporting it! The OP literally tells you the reason that one of the groups didn’t come, it’s a shit reason and very rude of them.

EachpeachpearplumIspytomthumb · 10/12/2024 06:11

I wouldn’t invite either family again (particularly the one who didn’t even bother telling you they weren’t coming - I’d be fuming).

Original poster

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 06:11

Happyinarcon · 10/12/2024 06:08

This is a difficult time of year. I can imagine people feeling they’d like to come along and then actually feeling exhausted on the day, or having a neurodiverse kid that needs coaxing to get out of the house. People are under a lot of pressure. I would feel fed up in your shoes, but I also know how hard it can be to get the family out the door.

Thanks - and I absolutely agree and get that. I really do - but what got me was not sending a message. I would have been absolutely fine with "x is not coping, we can't come, I am really sorry". But to not even message was what really bothered me. But I do get the wider point.

OP posts:

MillyGoat · 10/12/2024 06:31

Happyinarcon · 10/12/2024 06:08

This is a difficult time of year. I can imagine people feeling they’d like to come along and then actually feeling exhausted on the day, or having a neurodiverse kid that needs coaxing to get out of the house. People are under a lot of pressure. I would feel fed up in your shoes, but I also know how hard it can be to get the family out the door.

Where on earth does neurodiversity come into this?? Are we all supposed to tiptoe around rude behaviour saying oh I mustn’t say anything just in case there’s a neurodiverse child in the mix…

Rude is rude. There’s never an excuse!

CautiousLurker01 · 10/12/2024 06:38

Sorry, how foul are your friends? I mean, really, they all went out but didn’t invite you because you would be busy prepping for the party? None of them thought that maybe they could offer to help, then?

I’d not host for these people again and disengage hereafter. Appreciate you may be connected by kids (NCT/school?) but my experience (not dissimilar) has taught me that once your kids grow up, you have less and less in common outside postcode/children same age and you drift apart anyway. You sound like a lovely person - go meet some new people doing things you really enjoy so that you can make real connections.

Original poster

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 06:44

Thanks ever so. Really appreciate the advice. I was really upset about the night before. I am a bit of a people pleaser and often have wake up moments like this - and then go back to being a people pleaser 🙈

OP posts:

DinkyDale · 10/12/2024 06:46

People are very rude.
I had a significant birthday, and a significant loss this year. I had a party, and over half didn't show. I felt very embarrassed, spent ages organising, food prep etc. I've cut them all out of my life and feel much better for it.

Slidingdoors99 · 10/12/2024 06:50

The lack of invitation for their night out would be the nail in the coffin for me.
I wouldn’t bother with a big drama, but would disengage and phase these so called friends out. They’ve not behaved in a nice way at all. Better off not having people like that in your life.

RhaenysRocks · 10/12/2024 06:51

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 06:11

Thanks - and I absolutely agree and get that. I really do - but what got me was not sending a message. I would have been absolutely fine with "x is not coping, we can't come, I am really sorry". But to not even message was what really bothered me. But I do get the wider point.

Show quote history

And that's nice if you to be understanding but even in that scenario, assuming there are two parents, one could have stayed with the child and one come along. I had a small party once when I was moving away and half of the 8 I'd invited didn't come. Not it was I inconvenienced but I was really hurt. I think a lot of people just don't properly consider the impact of their not attending.

Original poster

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 06:52

DinkyDale · 10/12/2024 06:46

People are very rude.
I had a significant birthday, and a significant loss this year. I had a party, and over half didn't show. I felt very embarrassed, spent ages organising, food prep etc. I've cut them all out of my life and feel much better for it.

So sorry to hear this dinky dale and sorry for your loss. I get that completely

OP posts:

NigelHarmansNewWife · 10/12/2024 06:54

Now you know who not to invite to your next party. Bloody hell they are takers not inviting you because you were prepping for them for the next day.

Lifelover16 · 10/12/2024 06:55

I understand why you are upset and think it’s rude. I agree. There is no excuse for not sending a text message with an apology. Last minute no show is really unacceptable unless an emergency.

YellowAsteroid · 10/12/2024 06:55

They didn’t invite you out and then asked for leftovers????

It’s not you, it’s them. Ghastly people.

Baneofmyexistence · 10/12/2024 06:59

This is really awful. The fact they didn’t invite you on the night out is really hurtful. Someone on here will always use neurodiversity as an excuse when it isn’t. I have a disabled child, it’s not an excuse for being a shitty person, you can still be polite and apologise for not coming. Honestly I wouldn’t be bothering with them again.

Lottapianos · 10/12/2024 07:01

Absolutely dreadful behaviour. Some people are takers and users and selfish flakes. I hear you on the people pleasing, it's a hard thing to shake off but stuff like this makes it a lot easier to be very clear about your own priorities, and to let go of doing things because you feel you 'should'

TheaBrandt · 10/12/2024 07:02

No excuses am with you fellow party hoster. I would have to be literally in bed with raging covid or have a leg hanging off to not turn up to a hosted private party I’d committed to. Also had quite a few not turn up to a significant birthday and yes it has coloured how I feel about them going forward. Flakers beware - is hosts do notice we do resent it and we do kind of hate you for it.

CaptainRedbeardandbigbadbarry · 10/12/2024 07:03

MillyGoat · 10/12/2024 06:31

Where on earth does neurodiversity come into this?? Are we all supposed to tiptoe around rude behaviour saying oh I mustn’t say anything just in case there’s a neurodiverse child in the mix…

Rude is rude. There’s never an excuse!

Show quote history

Agree with this one hundred percent.

ToGiftOrNotToGift · 10/12/2024 07:07

... didn't even message just said to a fellow attendee - can you let them know kids playing up so we aren't coming)

Totally unacceptable. At the very least message with sincere apologies. Preferably one parent still attends while the other looks after the unruly kids.

2 others turned up completely empty handed

Very bad form.

We didn't ask you to come as we knew you'd be busy arranging this......

These people are not your friends!

Original poster

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 07:13

Thanks so much. I really need to try and get tougher

OP posts:

TinyMouseTheatre · 10/12/2024 07:24

So sorry that your "friends" have behaved so appallingly.

I had similar when my BF of years didn't turn up to a significant birthday party. Didn't send apologies and didn't really have an excuse. I'd been turning a blind eye to some of her behaviour fit a while and cut her off after the no show. It was hard at the time but I'm so glad I did. I have friends now who appreciate me and turn up for things and weirdly she has no-one. I can only assume that she's carried on treating people like this and they've all realised that they are better off without her in their lives.

I hope you don't spend too much time worrying about this OP but instead focus on who actually appreciates you