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Original poster

Party - are people just rude now

184 replies

Meltedcheese2 · 10/12/2024 05:57

Hosted Xmas get together for 30 people on Saturday late afternoon and evening - 12 adults, rest kids.

Feeding everyone so ALOT of work and prep

2 different families didn't turn up (one last minute message, 1 didn't even message just said to a fellow attendee - can you let them know kids playing up so we aren't coming)

2 others turned up completely empty handed and the expected to be waited on hand and foot the entire time and then asked for leftovers to take home!

Is it just me or is this really rude. You've said yes, I've catered for you, cleaned house top to bottom spent an absolute fortune and people just flake last minute or turn up and take the mick.

I absolutely understand if it's illness or family emergency but it wasn't. Just say no and I won't cater for you.

It then emerged during the party that one of the groups hadn't come because a large number of them had all been out together the night before and were.partied out......We didn't ask you to come as we knew you'd be busy arranging this......

OP posts:
MrsWallers · 13/12/2024 14:49

Hi OP
I'm always baffled by things like this
We would love to be invited to events like your house party!
My younger son has ASD with an expressive language disorder with no real friends so we are quite socially isolated
We do socialise at things like arranged events to enure he has some social interactions (Scouts and Church) but not much else

Equally people are very rude I cooked for a joint 40th dinner party and our "friends" were all hung over from the night before from a massive mutual friends party we hadnt been invited too I literally wanted to turn round and leave with my Beetroot Wellington, salad and Roulade
We arent frineds anymore!

I'm a very straight forward person so dont really understand all the stres of going to someones house and being hosted and wined and dined, its just lovely and kind!

another1bitestheduck · 13/12/2024 15:58

CosyLemur · 13/12/2024 06:06

Since when does an invite to a party require payment towards the costs?

Show quote history

since forever? It's basic etiquette to bring a contribution if someone is hosting you - wine, chocolates etc.

If I knew someone had catered for me and I didn't turn up, I would absolutely offer to refund them for the wasted money. A whole family not attending is quite a lot of extra food that OP wouldn't have bought otherwise, and food is hardly cheap nowadays. If the meal had been at a restaurant with a deposit per head I would also offer to repay the deposit if I dropped out last minute.

It adds insult to injury when as well as letting someone down last minute they are also at a financial loss because of your rudeness. Quite surprised I have to explain this to someone tbh.

another1bitestheduck · 13/12/2024 16:02

CosyLemur · 13/12/2024 06:05

But they sent a message through someone they knew was going - which I'd most likely do. If you're hosting a party you're probably not going to be attached to your phone, so may not see a message if someone is verbally telling you then I know you've got the message.

Show quote history

you couldn't do both? Someone has made the effort to invite you to their home and buy food for you and your family, and you can't spend 30 seconds sending them a text?

It's not like it's 1912 and you're being charged per word.

Alternatively calling someone on the phone and actually speaking to them would "ensure" they got the message too. And allow you to apologise rather than just a third party telling the host you weren't coming.

Bluebellsparklypant · 14/12/2024 09:08

I was really upset about the night before. I am a bit of a people pleaser and often have wake up moments like this - and then go back to being a people pleaser

OP i could have written this, you did a nice thing and i feel for you. They could have least of told you about the night out before. That’s poor of them not to tell you they couldn’t make it. Lesson learned here , meet out somewhere & don’t offer again

Original poster
Meltedcheese2 · 15/12/2024 05:57

MrsWallers · 13/12/2024 14:49

Hi OP
I'm always baffled by things like this
We would love to be invited to events like your house party!
My younger son has ASD with an expressive language disorder with no real friends so we are quite socially isolated
We do socialise at things like arranged events to enure he has some social interactions (Scouts and Church) but not much else

Equally people are very rude I cooked for a joint 40th dinner party and our "friends" were all hung over from the night before from a massive mutual friends party we hadnt been invited too I literally wanted to turn round and leave with my Beetroot Wellington, salad and Roulade
We arent frineds anymore!

I'm a very straight forward person so dont really understand all the stres of going to someones house and being hosted and wined and dined, its just lovely and kind!

So sorry to hear this 😢 xx

OP posts:
CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 06:49

Such a shame when you have gone to so much effort. Horrible people don’t waste your time on them in future

MummaBear2017 · 15/12/2024 11:00

It’s the night before thing that’s really grating on me. I have a couple of different friendship groups where it is really difficult to pin down a date for a get together, due to kids, work schedules, caring duties, etc etc. We end up with polls etc. Fairly sure it’s like this for most people these days. I’d imagine it will have been tricky for this lot to coordinate a date too so, I’m sorry to say, but I suspect even if it weren’t scheduled for the night before your event, you weren’t on the radar as an attendee.
These people are not your friends. They don’t deserve you and you definitely deserve far better than them.

MillyGoat · 15/12/2024 18:12

MillyGoat · 10/12/2024 06:31

Where on earth does neurodiversity come into this?? Are we all supposed to tiptoe around rude behaviour saying oh I mustn’t say anything just in case there’s a neurodiverse child in the mix…

Rude is rude. There’s never an excuse!

Show quote history

Requoting this to say I’ve now been thanked 28 times for this post… in case it make a difference to your view OP x

DinkyDale · 16/12/2024 12:48

Yellowpens · 11/12/2024 18:13

It’s not you. Most definitely the height of flaky rudeness.

Last year I had 30 people confirmed for a Christmas party at home. Like you, I cleaned, decorated, catered with a lovely table of food and beverages for everyone’s tastes, organised a family quiz event and even created a lucky dip for guests to leave with.

On the event day, from 4pm onwards, texts started to arrive, “sorry, can’t come now”, “don’t think we can make it”, “we’re knackered after a busy day”, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

In the end 7 people turned up. I was gutted, deeply disappointed and felt let down by people who had all confirmed attendance. I felt embarrassed for those who did turn up.

I’m never going to hold another Christmas party at home again. I’ve held them previously and there’s always a 10% no-show but this was humiliating and was a waste of food and money. People just don’t seem to think about the time, effort and cost that goes into creating these events.

if you’re somebody who knows they’re likely to flake at the last moment then don’t confirm your attendance. It’s better for a host to tailor an event to a smaller number of people from the beginning than a larger number of people where some will flake and create a wasted expense.

Humiliating...yes you've summed it up, exactly how I felt - and I'm very sorry you've experienced it too.

Op, it's shocking how someone tried that again. It's so crass. Genuinely never surprised at the front and entitlement of people.

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