DD came home from dance class upset

[Username561]

My daughter is 7 years old and has been going to dance class for 2 years. She has classes on Saturday mornings and Wednesday evenings. On Saturday, DH went to pick her up and when he got home he told me that she came out of the class with tears in her eyes but wouldn't tell him what was wrong. He dropped it and she was silent in the car on the way home. I spoke to her about it and I managed to get it out of her that her dance teacher upset her.

Basically this is what happened.. her teacher had tasked them with making up their own routine to a piece of music. They all went off by themselves to different parts of the room while they worked on their routine. One of the dance assistants came up to DD and asked how she was getting on DD said "well she said to.." and didn't get any further because the dance teacher overheard her and shouted WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? The room apparently went silent and all of her classmates turned to look at her. DD didn't know what she had done wrong but felt too scared to say anything so again, the teacher said "what did you just call me then?" and DD spoke up and said she didn't call her anything. The teacher said "you just called me she, how very rude, I think you need teaching some manners" and then basically ignored her the rest of the lesson.

DD explained to me that she didn't know this was rude, and did apologise to the teacher but she felt upset because she was embarrassed and doesn't like being told off.

Immediately I felt angry that someone else had spoken to my child like this and made her cry. I also think that the way it was handled, telling her off in front of her classmates and being cold with her the rest of the lesson was mean. I decided I would speak to the teacher on Wednesday but DD is begging me not to. Do I just leave this? Is this how it is in classrooms and dance lessons? Is it normal? I do understand that saying "she" instead of someone's name can be seen as rude and I have explained why this is to her, but DD is 7 and didn't understand at the time and was made to feel humiliated.

Please could you advise, would you just let this go?

I didn’t vote because I felt really sorry for the little girl. But I think the responses here are really over the top given none of us heard this interaction. ‘She said that we have to…’ does sound a little impolite to my ears and I’m not ancient. It’s obviously not impolite for a little 7 year old to have said this and it’s so very harmless in the scheme of things but I just imagined a sort of brusque rebuke said to inform the children of what’s ‘correct’ rather than being mean for the sake of it. Many teachers are just like that in manner. My aunt is a former headteacher and very ‘proper’ and says this kind of thing to my primary aged nephews and nieces all the time (‘who’s she the cats mother?’/‘were you raised in a barn, child?’. I can see how it would sound mean if your parents are more gentle in approach but she’s just a bit old school and direct. She’s very loving and genuinely adores kids - it’s just a different style.

On the other hand she could be being a cow or taking a bad day out on a small child. We don’t know

ETA: the beef is with using ‘she’ or ‘her’ rather than a name as it sounds dismissive to some (including me tbh) I’d use a name the first time then revert to she/her pronouns.

I’d ask the teacher what happened, and go from there.

Next lesson I suggest that you go along with your daughter (or without her if you prefer) and ask to speak to the Dance Teacher outside tge c,ass a d tell her exactly how you feel and how she affected your child, let her know that what and how she did it, is not acceptable and is aggressive. humiliating and bullying of a child in her care andshe needs to both apologise and ensure that nothing like this ever happens again with ANY of her students and that if it does then you will be withdrawing your daughter from her classes and reporting tge matter to the appropriate child protection officer for the venue where the classes are held.

Let's see how the bully responds

Jim

If they do exams they are almost certainly a member of IDTA, bullying and not causing emotional harm to pupils is part of their safeguarding policy: www.idta.co.uk/information-hub/running-a-dance-school/safeguarding/

If you don't get anywhere speaking with the teacher then this could be the next step.

I'd have the dickhead teacher pinned up against the wall!!! Well, that's what I'd feel like doing. Face to face confrontation time asap tommorow. Don't let it go. No texts. Teacher needs to apologise to your daughter and speak to her properly about this. Disgusting behaviour from an adult in authority. Poor little girl, hope she's OK.

Unfortunately this doesn’t surprise me. I have two girls who dance and there are dance teachers who treat young children like this.

I’ve seen many children/teenagers suffer with their mental health as the treatment from the teacher gets worse as the kids get older.

Luckily I recognised that and we moved to a dance school with the best teachers, who are super respectful to all children.

Strangely there are parents who turn a blind eye and the kids have to put up with it.

It may be worth picking it up with the teacher and seeing if it can be prevented from happening again. And if not, then I’d look at other dance schools.

It used to be, "Who's she? The cat's mother?" Certainly not something a dance teacher should be getting upset about, and definitely not something that warranted being shouted at in front of the class.

Oh I'd be having a confrontational chat with the teacher ! How dare she humiliate your daughter like that . No doubt will put her off going to a hobby she has loved.

I was always taught it was rude to call someone she, although i have no idea why its supposed to be rude. I absolutely would not allow a teacher to humiliate my child like that in front of the whole class for a simple mistake! I would most definitely be saying something to her.

The teacher is a bully and your child needs to be protected. A 7yo can't make decisions about things like this.

You should remove your DD despite the friendships. Put her into a different dance school. Tell the other parents why you're moving and try to maintain old friendships whilst also making new ones.

Having had 3 daughters go through the grades at dancing, the oldest is 17 & still there, I'd say that if your dd is talented and you think she will want to keep this up, you should really think about finding another school. There is so much subjectivity in dancing that you really need a good relationship with the head / teachers otherwise you will have years of frustration ahead of you, when your dd isn't put in for x exam or isn't chose for y event. If she's just in it for the fun of it and you can't see her keeping this up if friends were to stop, then I guess just let her call the shots and let it continue as it is until she's had enough. If you decide to take her dancing seriously then maybe do it gradually - leave her in the class where her friends are most socialble and move other classes elsewhere to see how she gets on in a new dance school.

Some dance teachers can be very traditional. I remember at a dance class one girl yawned and got an absolute pasting from the teacher. We were all college age.

I was thinking about the she thing the other day. I remember my mum saying “ Who’s she? The cat’s mother” If ever I called her “she”. It was drummed into me really. I would have been picked up about it at school. Yet, if you listen to a debate in parliament it is peppered with “she’s “. It jars on me to hear it.
I would have a polite discussion with the teacher and emphasise that my daughter was reluctant to explain her upset. I would be assessing whether I would leave my child with this unkind woman. Inside I would be very cross and possibly looking for another dance class. Some people shouldn’t be put in charge of children.

There's also RAD, ISTD, NATD, BBO, BATD and a number of others, but they will all have a similar policy.

The overall body in the UK is CDMT, formerly known as CDET.

That's not traditional (ie formal and slightly strict), it is abusive and sadly all too common, particularly in full-time training and including young adults 16-18+ at dance college. They are scared to say anything to the teachers in case they get kicked out which would destroy any chance of a career, and scared to say anything to their parents because they don't want them to make a fuss and say something to the school which could make things worse.

We tried to speak out. Dd then got bullied at college by senior management and they threatened to put her through disciplinary. This was 6 months before she was due to graduate and she'd have left after 8 years of vocational training with nothing.

Her mental health was destroyed by the whle thing

Keep us updated OP.

I'm 45 and still remember the day I was laid in to by a teacher for calling a TA 'she'. Worst of it was I'd followed the TA's instructions and got in trouble as they were wrong. She wasn't a class TA, was supporting another dc at my table and had interrupted me to tell me I was doing it wrong so I changed it. When I got in trouble I explained that 'she' told me to do it. (Didn't know her name as she was just there for an individual dc) and was completely laid in to. I'm still furious about being made to write an apology letter to this day. YANBU to be annoyed!

"I think you need teaching some manners"

The dance teacher needs to be taught how to speak, that's horrific grammar

The trouble is if it's her dance school and your dd wants to stay, there isnt really a lot you can do. If you criticise her, she'll probably show you the door,

Win/win.

Just remove DD from the class. The woman was totally OTT. A 7 year old shouldn't have to put up with such nonsense from an adult.

Doubtful. With rent for her building, heating bills and insurance bills dance schools are struggling to make ends meet. Chances are this teacher needs OP’s monthly fees (let’s face it she’s probably spending at least £80 a month that’s a minimum!) more than OP needs her, dance schools are a dime a dozen these days popping up all over the place.

Depends if she has a waiting list. I have to sy for me, the beauty of being self employed is being able to quickly get rid of PITA parents and kids ( not implying that OP or her DD are that of course)

Lol I had the cats mother coment also. But was much younger Preschool age