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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend can never be happy for my child

268 replies

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:11

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

OP posts:
nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:13

Well do you ever compliment her child? Just because yours has done well on a national level doesn't mean other parents need to bow down to you.

Grow up.

jeaux90 · 09/12/2024 08:14

JFC being a parent is not a competition.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/12/2024 08:15

Pn the face of it yanbu but it sounds like you avoid the subject so it never comes up in conversation. Does she never say 'did you have a nice weekend?' And you say 'yes we took Sophie to a tennis tournament and she won!'...what would she say then?

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:15

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:13

Well do you ever compliment her child? Just because yours has done well on a national level doesn't mean other parents need to bow down to you.

Grow up.

Yes I do! If I meet this woman she never stops talking about her dd so I would have a kind word to say.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 09/12/2024 08:16

Jealousy I suppose.

it’s pathetic!

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:19

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/12/2024 08:15

Pn the face of it yanbu but it sounds like you avoid the subject so it never comes up in conversation. Does she never say 'did you have a nice weekend?' And you say 'yes we took Sophie to a tennis tournament and she won!'...what would she say then?

I feel I can't. I have had to say a few times "dd can't make the cinema with x as we have a competition that day". There would always be no reply, no good luck to X .Just nothing. It's like she just can't acknowledge dds achievements!

OP posts:
Interlaken · 09/12/2024 08:19

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:13

Well do you ever compliment her child? Just because yours has done well on a national level doesn't mean other parents need to bow down to you.

Grow up.

Yes, OP she is jealous and cannot be happy for you or your child.

Most parents are delighted (and able) to celebrate the successes of those around them. For others it is an existential wound, and can only be ‘happy’ if there is a level of condescension in it.

Latticexmas · 09/12/2024 08:19

This is very normal in my experience - lots of people get jealous if others’ kids outdo their own - and you are lucky not to have come across this behaviour more often.

SallyWD · 09/12/2024 08:20

She's clearly jealous. That's all there is to it. Just ignore her lack of reaction and enjoy your daughter's achievements.

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:21

Zippidydoodah · 09/12/2024 08:16

Jealousy I suppose.

it’s pathetic!

I'm not sure it is jealousy. People love to speak about their own children's accomplishments regardless of whether they are worthy or not. If it makes them feel good who cares.

Whilst OP is probably downplaying how much she talks about her kid the fact she has actually noticed that this parent has never liked or commented on posts 'for years' shows that OP expects everyone to congratulate her on her daughters success.

WinterFollies · 09/12/2024 08:23

It wouldn't occur to me to text someone to congratulate them on their child's success - not because I'm not happy for them or anything, it's just something I wouldn't think of

ShanghaiDiva · 09/12/2024 08:24

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:13

Well do you ever compliment her child? Just because yours has done well on a national level doesn't mean other parents need to bow down to you.

Grow up.

Any need to be quite so rude? She is not asking other parents to bow down to her. If the children have been friends for a while it would seem normal for the parent to say well done or good luck.

Zippidydoodah · 09/12/2024 08:28

No, it really is jealousy. The fact that the op has noticed not a single word of praise/congratulations etc proves it. I’ve been involved in competitive gymnastics with my own dd and it’s brutal. Some parents are trying to live vicariously through their kids and jealousy is rife.

Duc · 09/12/2024 08:29

You’re not wrong OP. There are some strange people in the world (far too many it would appear as I get older) and some people really are the competitive and jealous type. They’d literally rather put pins in their eyes that acknowledge your DD’s success.

As you say that’s fine not to speak about kids achievements but it swings both ways.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:39

WinterFollies · 09/12/2024 08:23

It wouldn't occur to me to text someone to congratulate them on their child's success - not because I'm not happy for them or anything, it's just something I wouldn't think of

As I mentioned in my post, many parents commented on the class WhatsApp group after dd was mentioned in the school newsletter. The school also put up a post on social media & reshared a post from her club ... again zero. This woman usually has a like or comment on many things from what I saw on the schools sm .. only not when it comes to dd..

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 09/12/2024 08:42

The way you talk about her it is strange to describe her as a friend. In what ways is she your friend?

Brombat · 09/12/2024 08:42

Does it really matter?

It's only awkward because you've noticed it. Either talk about her & expect tumbleweed, don't but give no fucks or avoid her altogether.

lateatwork · 09/12/2024 08:43

Why does it bother you so much?

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:43

Zippidydoodah · 09/12/2024 08:28

No, it really is jealousy. The fact that the op has noticed not a single word of praise/congratulations etc proves it. I’ve been involved in competitive gymnastics with my own dd and it’s brutal. Some parents are trying to live vicariously through their kids and jealousy is rife.

I can imagine gymnastic really is cutthroat. My niece was involved for years, it was a real baptism of fire for my poor sister!

To be honest in dds sport all the parents we've come across & in the club have been very normal, supportive & totally get the up/down nature.
They congratulate or commiserate but there is always a kind word & acknowledgement.

OP posts:
MintTwirl · 09/12/2024 08:43

Why do you care? She’s just not that interested in your kid.

Pottedpalm · 09/12/2024 08:44

Don’t give it headspace, it’s mot worth it.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:44

lateatwork · 09/12/2024 08:43

Why does it bother you so much?

It's because we've been friends for years. She knows the sacrifices we make, how hard dd works & she's my friend!
Surely a kind word or a well done wouldn't kill her.

OP posts:
toucheee · 09/12/2024 08:46

Doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

Change the subject when she starts about her dd. Or start talking about your dd’s achievements.

Stop being flummoxed and get some fire in your belly.

Edingril · 09/12/2024 08:47

How do people know she is actually jealous? This always seems to be said when no one can think of anything else

Maybe she just haven't thought too, there could be lots of reasons that have nothing to do with jealousy

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:47

MintTwirl · 09/12/2024 08:43

Why do you care? She’s just not that interested in your kid.

If you read my post you will see her dd is in the same class as mine. She was extremely competitive when they were younger , I ignored & never played along. She stopped when my dd started to become established in her sport & seems to be chosen a lot for events in school too

OP posts: